Weddings

The 17 Questions You Should Never Ask a Wedding Planning Couple

There's something about planning a wedding that makes all kinds of questions come out, so we've rounded up the 17 things you should never ask a wedding planning couple, no matter how well you know them

Bride and groom under a veil
Edward Cisneros / Unsplash

Bride and groom under a veil
Edward Cisneros / Unsplash

It’s so exciting when someone you know gets engaged and they start to plan their wedding. There’s so much you want to know about it - but there’s also so much you should never ask. We’ve rounded up the 17 questions you should never ask a wedding planning couple to avoid any awkward moments.

Some of the things you should never say to someone who’s got engaged may seem obvious, but some might not be, so read on to make sure you don’t offend any of your friends as they navigate planning a wedding!

1. Am I Invited?

This is number one because it’s the biggest no-no. You probably are invited, if you’re friends, but you should never, ever ask this. What if they’ve decided to elope, can only afford a few guests, or actually just don’t fancy having a big wedding? You’ve really put them on the spot there and probably made them feel super awkward. Just don’t ask. Wait for your invitation. Didn’t get one? Then you’ve got your answer. 

2. When Are You Going to Have Kids?

Woah, woah, WOAH. This is one of the discussions you need to have with your partner before you get married, but you absolutely do not need to have it with anyone else. You don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors, you don’t know if it’s an upsetting question, but what you do know is that it’s plain nosy. If someone wants you to know about that sort of stuff, they’ll tell you. You don’t need to ask.

3. How Much Did the Ring Cost?

Woman showing engagement ring
Unsplash/Alekon Pictures

Why do you need to know? It’s possible that they might not even know themselves, but even if they do, it’s not really any of your business is it? Same goes for ‘how many carats is the diamond?’

4. Will You Invite [Insert Name Here]?

You might be genuinely curious about whether they’ll invite their partner’s ex, who happens to be a friend, or your sister, even though they’ve not seen each other for a few years, or a particular cousin - especially after what happened at the last family wedding. That doesn’t mean you can ask though. By asking tricky questions around who’s invited, you’re putting the couple on the spot and are potentially asking them to confront a tricky subject with an audience (that audience being you, you nosy thing). Trust us, they’ve probably had enough tricky conversations about it already.

5. Who’s Paying for the Wedding?

The only time you should ever, ever ask this, is if you’re about to offer a lump sum to help out. Would you ask someone how they split their mortgage or how much debt they have? No you wouldn’t, so let the finances of the wedding remain a mystery to you. 

6. Have You Told [Insert Ex’s Name Here]?

Why?! WHY?!? When someone has just got engaged and is talking to you about their wedding plans with the love of their life, you do not come and burst their bubble with a pin shape like their ex’s name. It doesn’t matter whether they ended on okay terms, or if they’ve come so far since that person blew up their life, this is a conversation that their name does not have a place in.

7. Do You Want Me to Introduce You to My Photographer/Florist/Ice Sculptor?

Champagne tower
Unsplash/Tengyart

Your friend may have complimented you on so many of your wedding details, and you probably also want to support the wedding vendors you loved when you were planning a wedding, but it’s quite likely they already know what they want, and you’re putting them on the spot with this question. If they want you to hook them up with anyone, they will ask you.

8. Starting a Wedding Diet, Then?

Take a long, hard look at yourself if you’ve ever asked this. This is a toxic question. There’s absolutely no need to change your size or shape for your wedding, so don’t even imply it with a question. The diet and weight loss culture around weddings is dangerous and damaging, so leave it well alone. 

9. Don’t You Feel Like You’re Too Young?

There are some questions out there that say more about the asker than the person answering could ever offer. This is one of them. This says that you think they are too young - but you’re not the one getting married, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?

10. Am I a Bridesmaid/Best Man?

Maybe you’ve been saying since you were five years old that you’d be bridesmaids or best man at each other’s big day. But if you are going to be in the wedding party, it’s quite likely that they’ve planned a cute bridesmaid proposal and you may just dampen it with that awkward question. 

11. Don’t You Think It's About Time?

wedding decor
Unsplash/Visual Stories

They may have been waiting years and years for this. They may have been caught totally off-guard. Either way, this question is a bit of a kick in the teeth for someone who is excited. 

12. You’re Getting Married Already?

This has the same effect as the question above. What’s their answer going to do for you? Nothing. Don’t say it. 

13. Why Bother Getting Married?

Wow, Debbie Downer. I don’t know what your story is, but let’s not rain on everyone else’s parade, okay? Getting married is exciting and fun and special, so keep that question to yourself.

14. Did You Know That…?

We’re cutting you off before you can even formulate that question. Don’t bother asking if they know some pointless trivia about divorce statistics or costs of things or anything like that. They know. We all know. But for every negative story, there are plenty of positive ones, so again - no parade-raining please. 

15. Can I See the Dress?

No you may not! If you’re ever going to see the dress, they’ll show you. Don’t make them do that awkward, nervous laugh that people do when they don’t know how to politely say no to you.

16. Can I Bring My Child?

child having a tantrum
Pexels/Pavel Danilyuk

They don’t care that your child is well behaved, loves weddings and is SO sad to not see you get married. If they’ve specified a child-free wedding day, it’ll be for a reason. And no matter how special little Archipelago is to you, you need to respect their wishes and if you can’t manage to attend without them, politely decline the invitation. It’s their party, their funds and their day, so yeah, they get to decide the rules.

17. Can I Bring a Guest?

Check your invitation - does it say the name of a guest or specify a plus one? If it doesn’t, then you’ve got your answer. You don’t need to ask this question.

If this has got you worrying about your grasp of wedding etiquette, don't panic! You can check out our 19 rules for wedding guests to help keep you on the straight and narrow. 

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