Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, boys and girls.
For those who don't know me, my name is Dougie and I'm the best man. As you can see, I'm a little nervous, slightly adorable and unlike the groom, have a full head of hair.
Thank you to Jim for his introduction a tough act to follow I'm sure you'll agree. Particularly since I look like him from the future come back to warn him about the dangers of late night cheese toasties...
What a fantastic venue we have for this beautiful day. I'm actually originally just from across the water in Fife and as is our custom, I'll be doing this speech in the nude through the medium of interpretive dance... I am of course joking. I can't dance as I'm sure you'll all see later.
I'd like to thank you all for making the effort to come along today to celebrate this beautiful day, especially after finding out it wasn't an open bar!
On behalf of the bridesmaids and I, I'd like to thank Andy and Victoria for including us on this very special day. I know how much effort and preparation has gone in today and I can assure you Victoria, that Andrew is having a lovely time.
Speaking of the bridesmaids, aren't they looking fantastic ladies and gentleman? Joe and Hannah thank you for everything, arranging a tasteful yet drunken hen do and making sure Victoria got here on time and looking absolutely stunning.
Also a special thanks to bridesmaid Suzie who couldn't make it here today as she's waiting on a new arrival. Talk about forward planning to get out of the wedding duties! I'll need to remember that trick!
It's difficult in choosing a bridal party and it's an emotional one too. I remember when old Captain Charisma the emotionless robot over here asked me to be best man, I say asked. He sent me a message through WhatsApp.. Yup shows how many people said no I think! (But all the same I feel very touched. But enough about the stag do)
So how do I find myself here? Well, I first met Andy at university where we both played hockey. Andy is a very accomplished hockey player as I'm sure he's banged on about to you all as well.
I can only imagine it was Andy's reverse flick that caught Victoria's attention.
Settle down, there's ruder ones than that coming up I assure you.
So I’ve known Andy from the age of about 19. However In preparing this speech, I managed to dig up some of his old report cards from high school. I thought I'd share some of the comments with you today. To you know, give you a sense of the man Victoria is marrying
Music: Andrew shows great progression on the organ. He clearly has been practising.
PE: Andrew lacks ability in Basketball, Football, Rugby and other cool sports. Suggest he try field hockey.
Graphic Design: Andrew struggles with the difference between Cm and Mm.
Art: Andrew has been removed from this class for his distasteful paintings.
If anyone would like to hear the jokes I discarded here please feel free to meet me at the bar later...
These minor blips aside Andrew, found himself at Stirling University, which is as I said is where we met.
Having drank, laughed, cried and indulged in too much fancy dress and body paint than is normal, I can honestly say Andy is one of the best lads I know. He has been a brilliant friend over the years and someone I continue to look to for advice and guidance. Fashion however I’ll continue to take a second opinion on.
I remember when Andy told me about seeing Victoria the first time. They were both using the same gym, Victoria to keep up her impressive fitness levels. Andrew, to use the showers as he enjoys male group nudity. (I think that might explain his art teacher’s comments.)
Andy told me he spotted Victoria’s profile across the gym and simply couldn't keep his eyes off her, he ‘swiped right’ across the fitness floor and asked her out for a coffee. For some strange reason she said yes and here we all find ourselves today.
From the moment I saw Andy and Victoria together I knew they would end up getting married. I am delighted to see my best friend so happy and although he's decided to leave me for a girl. I couldn't have wished him a more perfect bride.
So ladies and gentleman can I ask you all to be upstanding. Raise a glass and go absolutely bananas for the new Mr and Mrs Sinclair.