Speech by Richard

Fifth and last speech, I've edited to be closer to what I said as I made changes on the fly.

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Richard
Speech Date: 01/09/2018 23:25:48

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Well if you haven't guessed I'm Richard, and for those at the back if you can't hear me, don't worry. You won't be missing much. 

The best man has three main jobs on the wedding day: get the groom there on time; don't lose the rings and giving a side splitting speech, to paraphrase Meatloaf “I will do anything for love… but two out of three ain't bad”

I level with you here, that's probably one of the funniest jokes I've got, so if you didn't find it funny, well, the next four to six minutes are going to be very long.

Andrew and I meet nearly 13 years ago and when the couple announced their engagement I was over joyed, and even more so when Andrew asked me to be his best man. But, naturally I did have some questions. What had I done to deserve such an honour? What would I need to do? …Then it dawned on me he just wanted to look taller on the photos. Well I say dawned on me, within two minutes he came out and said it.

I started to look back for some stories to tell. However, once I cut the non PG ones, the ones that are not a wedding taboo subject or ones that makes me look worse I started to work on toasts.

I did find one: he thought it would be a great idea to put tramlines into his eyebrows. First cut wasn't level, so cut a bit more which again wasn't level. He came into school with a quarter inch of either eyebrow. Someone said he looked like a baby seal.

Now I've never know him be on time. I used to pick him up for school and not matter what time I got there he would always answer the door in the same state of dress, anything I do with him I add an “Andrew buffer”. I swear if he wasn't staying in the same building he would have been late today.

I asked other people that know him to give me words to describe him:  Arrogant, selfish, vain, you can't really argue with someone's mother can you?

I have pretty much called him every four letter word and insult but loyal is always in there. The few times I have needed to turn to someone, he's been there.

The day of course has gone so smoothly and beautifully. And everyone has played their part, the gorgeous bridesmaids, my fellow best-man, the great families and of course the stunning Bride Bec. But thanks need to go to the rest of you who have all turned out to support Andrew and Bec even on a Thursday, because there's no better way to thin a guest list than a mid-week wedding.

I'll admit I don't know Rebeca very well, in fact I had only met her once before they got engaged, but you can see the joy on his face when he talks about her how much she means to him. In the past few years, Andrew has become a much better-rounded person and I would put that down to Rebecca.

I have been blessed to be surrounded by happy marriages, some long, some still relatively new and I would like to be able to count this one in that, which means I would really like to give Andrew and Bec some marriage advice. However, to my parents’ disappointment, I'm single. I'm fine with it, it has been a series of choices for me to be single, choices granted not made by me… so, always salt your pasta!?

Call me pessimistic, several people on this table have, I'm going to take you into one of the 3am thought processes I had this morning in that we are all tiny dots on a ball of rock and dirt that is just the right distance from a star to be able to have life. Said planet holds such a range of life and not only are we the dominant species, we have the ability to have complex emotions like happiness, joy and love.

We can find people that we enjoy being around but we can also find someone that we have such strong emotional ties to that we want to spent the rest of our lives with and throw huge party to celebrate the fact that two people have such passion for each other, and I find that amazing.

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I have been given the final speech and so have the honour of giving the final toast. So would you all join me in raising your glasses to not only the wonderful couple but to the many years of happy marriage I wish for them.