Speech by Wayne Ramswell

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Wayne Ramswell
Speech Date: 05/09/2011 10:12:46

They say a best man's speech should last no longer than it takes for the groom to consummate his vows on the wedding night….(sit down) Only Joking, I ran well over. Good afternoon Ladies, Gentlemen, Boys, Girls…..and James. Before I start, I would just like to ask Charlotte to place her hand on the table. Can I then ask James to place his hand on top of Charlotte's.. The reason for this will all become clear later.

I'd like to start of by saying how stunning Charlotte looks and James, you just look stunned. On behalf of the bride and groom, I would like to thank you all for attending what we can all agree has been a lovely day so far.  For those of you that are thinking who is this handsome, charming young man in front of me….Well, that's Charlotte's Uncle Joe. Me on the other hand, I am Wayne Doyawannadrink, I'll be at the bar most of the night, if you see me, I'd prefer for you to call me by my full name. I have the great pleasure and privilege of being James’ best man. When James asked me to be best man, I was honoured and to be honest, I was quite excited. When he told me that the attendees would consist of Catholics, Geordies, Scousers and the Welsh, I was over the moon. To be honest, I'm looking around now for a black, Irish uncle and I would have hit the jackpot. I would like to take this opportunity to say how lovely the bridesmaids look today and how well they did to get Charlotte to the church on time….I did hear she put up quite a struggle. Also the ushers, without you, finding a seat would have been mayhem. Although with this crowd, I think doormen would have been a more appropriate title. James and I met at school when we both started at Leon in 1997. He was 12 and I was roughly around 100. For those of you that aren't aware, from very early in our school years, I picked up the nickname Grandad. Although I'm not sure why. I consider James as my closest friend, more of a brother really. Thankfully we're not related, can imagine that chin and these ears in the same bloodline?  James and Charlotte met when we all worked at Clarks. I can remember the start of their relationship quite vividly. Owing to the fact that they stole my thunder at my 18th birthday party. I still have pictures of them smooching at the back of the room. Copies will be available after. They then entered into what can only be described as a whirlwind romance, after only 7 years James popped the question. That's right, just 7 years people After many tears and hyperventilating, Charlotte finally managed to calm James down to give him the answer. So here we are. This is the second time I've been somebody's best man…2 people cant be wrong, right? This time however I was more nervous than the last. So I thought I'd prepare myself accordingly. Taking my role seriously, I researched the duties of a best man and hopefully I have done the couple proud.One of a best man's duties is, to help make sure that the wedding goes smoothly. This is why I'm carrying a pocket wedding guide book. (Show guests a small diary)In this book, it mentions 3 significant parts of today's service.(Read what's in the book.)The aisle- the longest walk you'll ever take. The alter – the place were 2 become 1, The hymn – the song which celebrate the marriageI think Charlotte must have been reading the same book, because when she was walking down the aisle, I'm sure I heard her whispering to herself, Aisle, Alter, Hymn. I'll alter him. I think all went well getting James prepared for this big day. We made sure that he was properly dressed and arrived at the church sober and on time. Our one disappointment would have to be failing to arrange his last request as a single man. Unfortunately due to very strong protests from the “Do-gooders” at the Sheep Welfare Council they wouldn't allow us to let it happen. James is the type of person who when he finds something he likes he is obsessive about it. When we first discovered AC/DC, which was in his bedroom from a vinyl record leant to us by his dad.. He instantaneously fell in love with the music. I say instantaneously, it was actually after we questioned Craig on whether they were meant to sound like the chipmunks and he promptly turned off high speed dubbing on the record player. With his new found love for AC/DC, James rapidly collected every album released by the band. Similarly, when he discover Kid Rock, he collected everything he could get his hands. All I can say is, Charlotte, I'm just glad you're not a Pokemon. Because the way he feels for you, he would have to collect you all. In order not to bore you anymore I will start to rap it up.. I think you will all agree that today has been very special and I would like to thank James and Charlotte on behalf of everyone for allowing us to be apart of it. James, you are a lucky man…today, you have gained Charlotte. She is a kind, loving and generous person. Charlotte, today you have gained a new dress and a bouquet of flowers…chin up!And finally, James if you'd like to remove your hand from Charlotte's and know these two things…‘That will be the last time you ever have the upper hand in your relationship’ and no matter how much you twist that wedding ring, you will never find the combination. Believe me, I‘ve tried.May you have many happy years together and I would like you all to raise your glasses and join me in a toast…To the bride and groom!!