Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Robert May
Speech Date: Jan2007
Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls I hope you are having a wonderful time,
They say a good speech is like a Mini Skirt……SHORT enough to be interesting but LONG enough to cover the ESSENTIALS… So here goes…
For those of you who don't know me I'm Dan's brother and it's a great honour that Dan & Gary have asked me to give a speech.
First I have a couple of disclaimers.
Disclaimer number one – My speech does NOT contain any original material – so if anyone is offended, it's got NOTHING to do with me!
Disclaimer number two – Dan and Gary have stated that should you injure yourselves in any way when climbing on the chairs and tables at the end of my speech to give me a standing ovation, they hold themselves in no way responsible for your actions!
Now as I mentioned, it is a great honour to do this but writing a speech is an ordeal isn't it?
Working in IT it seemed obvious that I should start by looking for some ideas on the web, so with a multitude of resources at my fingertips I dutifully began googling.
After a couple of hours searching I found some REALLY good stuff on the net, but ….then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for speech tips!!!
To be fair I did actually find LOADS of ready-prepared speeches online.… but sadly, NONE of them were about a couple called Dan and Gary ….so it looks like it's down to me after all.
Unlike most traditional wedding speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, I've promised Dan and Gary that if there is anything slightly risqué, I'll whip it out immediately.
JUST REMEMBER THE MORE YOU LAUGH THE SOONER ITS OVER.
I'd like to mention Dan's good points.
Dan is intelligent, caring, trusting and good luck …..… look …..…
Look at Dan “I'm really sorry mate I can't read your handwriting”
Dan was a slow starter. [Pause] At Playschool Dan was different from all the other 3 year olds [pause] he was 9.
Actually, whilst putting together the speech Mum let me have some of Dan's old school reports and I have a few extracts for you that caught my attention:
Craft, Design and Technology – Although very keen, Daniel has a distinct problem differentiating between inches and millimetres. [Pause]
Maths ‘Daniel is so slow, he finds a snails pace exhausting. [Pause]
Religious Education ‘Daniels's understanding of religion is very poor [pause] so much so, he still believes Phil Collins wrote the book of Genesis.
I remember when Mum & Dad were asked what they thought Dan would be when he finally left school their usual reply was "about 25"!
Actually Dan will have told you he is an extremely hard worker [pause] in fact, at work Dan gets called ‘GOD’: [pause] No-one ever sees him [pause] He makes his own rules [pause] And any work he does is a miracle.
I do have to say how lucky you are Dan. You will leave here having gained a partner that is warm, loving and caring. A partner who is funny, and who radiates kindness where ever he goes. [pause]
And Gary [pause] how lucky you are as well [pause] you leave today having gained a [pause] fantastic new suit.
On a serious note, whilst it is impossible to summarise the 30 years I have known Dan, I would like to say that over the years he has been the best anyone could hope for in a brother and the most supportive of friends and we make a great team at work.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who is here sharing in Dan and Gary's special day.
There are however, a few people who couldn't be here, but have sent along their best wishes, so a big thank you to all and I'm now going to read a small selection of the cards and messages received by the happy couple.
Dan we are so happy to see you content and settled, we will however still always be your special friends – with love and imagination Sue & Marge.
It really is a great joy for me to see Dan and Gary so Happy
You learn things when you get older, hmmm I mean more mature, you make better decisions, and isn't it great when two people join together and commit to each other for life.
Love – isn't that what it's all about? We are here to celebrate that glorious event, and the ceremony today is all about letting the world how much Dan and Gary love each other.
I would just like to say that we all wish you both, nothing but the best for the future.
You are a unique and perfectly matched couple, and I hope all your dreams come true, and that you may have a long and happy life together.
Your life together can be compared to football. So be fully committed every week and make sure you score every weekend. Make sure you change ends at half time but remember that playing away from home, will result in a serious groin injury and is definitely the quickest way to get on the transfer list.
May your love be modern enough to service the times and old fashioned enough to last forever.
If you would all be up standing in my toast
Thank you for your generosity today and may you always be happy. The perfect couple..… Dan & Gary.