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Speech by Darren Mumford

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Darren Mumford
Speech Date: 05/05/2013 14:47:54

Good afternoon Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm Darren and I'm the best man today. I hope your all, enjoying this wonderful wedding celebration today. I know I will once this is over!!

I would like to start by echoing what has already been said and begin by complimenting beautiful bride today, Sam you look absolutely wonderful, Justin truly is a lucky man.

Justin has scrubbed up pretty well himself even if he did copy my outfit.

I would like to thank they bridesmaid and flower girl and everyone involved in getting Sam ready and here today. I would like to give a very special thank you to Karen and Claire for helping us get ready you were invaluable today, so again thank you. 

Justin thank you for taking the day off. 

Now when Justin asked me to be best man many things went through my head, 

What had I done to deserve such an honour? 

Who had dropped out? 

Was I really the best he could come with? 

Also if I said no would I still be invited for the free food and drinks?

Now those of who know Justin know he's an acquired taste, most it bad. We met when he was 17 and on a night out with friends it was then in those early days I realised he was a really crap drunk But many fun filled nights followed and eventually we began to tolerate each other. We then spent many nights in the pubs and clubs of Essex on the hunt for women, unfortunately though most of them saw us coming! 

So how do you embarrass some like Justin who does such a good job of doing it himself! 

Well there was the time when after a bit of a lean spell with the ladies. We came up with the plan of becoming what we thought was high end erotic masseurs. 

So we printed some cards and placed ads in shop windows all over the high class borough of Camberwell, and armed with a bottle of baby oil and a clean towel we waited for the phone to ring off the hook with horny ladies!!! Now there is a twist to this story and if you we're to buy Justin or me a drink at the bar we could fill you in. Now as you didn't see our faces in the kiss and tell section of the news of the world you can guess how it went. 

There was also the time our van caught fire and the only place to pull in was a petrol station ahead, now there where a few rare faces on that forecourt I can tell you as they turned to see a van heading towards them at high speed on fire with two men screaming and laughing inside!!!!!

We had other near misses too, like the time we were held at gunpoint by police marksmen in the middle of London, but we'll glance over that one.

I suppose it would be customary now to regale a story our two of our stag night, but the less said about that the better.

As most of our adults have been spent working together, I get to see a side of Justin that Sam doesn't and I can tell you Sam he's even lazier at work than he is at home!

So after our near misses I guess Justin decided to become a better person. If you want a true friend, confidant and someone to rely on, whatever you do don't ask him. But seriously you couldn't ask for a better Pearson to have as friend or in Sam's case a husband and father.

So I guess it's time to wrap up my ramblings and once again thank everybody who's helped out with the day. 

Now although I'm not married I feel it only fair to pass on a bit of advice.

Never go to bed on an argument, always stay up and argue,

Somebody once said marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that, clearly knows nothing of women or fractions.

Also Justin never forget those 3 little words, your right Sam,

So then ladies and gentlemen it gives me great pleasure not to mention relief. To invite you to stand one more time and raise your glass in a toast.

To Justin and Sam the new Mr and Mrs Graham, we wish you well for the future and a long and happy marriage.