Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Brent Thelen
Speech Date: mar 2004
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. For those who don't know
me, I'm Brent, the Best man for the day. One of Alan's closest
friends for perhaps longer than I care to remember. I am sure you
will agree that this has turned out to be a wonderful wedding
and so here I am. I would like to start by thanking everyone on
behalf of the bride and groom for being here to share in their
special day, although personally I wish you'd all stayed at home
and made my day less nerve wracking.
How many of you have ever had Meals on Wheels before. Wow,
that many….Well I guess we are all guinea pigs tonight! Our food
is being prepared across the street and shipped over here. So If
your food is cold you might want to think twice about asking them
to warm it up again.
Since we are on the topic of food, Kay encouraged all of us last
night to eat plenty at the rehearsal dinner. So beware!!! Speaking
of our maid of honor and all the bride's maids. Did you know, that
in the 1500’s, most people got married in June because they took
their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June.
However, they were starting to smell so the brides carried a
bouquet of flowers to hide their body odor. Hence, today's custom
of carrying a bouquet of flowers.
Did anyone get a whiff of the girls as
they walked down the aisle. SNIFF SNIFF I guess it smells
alright up here. Another old tradition was that bread was divided
up according to social status. Workers got the burnt bottom
of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or
“upper crust.” Al I better be considered family! All kidding
aside, I think the bride's maids did an excellent job and am sure
Dawn and Al have chosen not to upset our stomaches tonight. I
have a few definitions of Love, Lust, & Marriage that I would like
to share with you while.
Love – When you share everything you own
Lust – When you steal everything you own
Marriage – When the banks owns everything
Love – When you phone each other to say “Hi”
Lust – When you phone each other to pick a hotel room
Marriage — When you phone each other to bitch about work
Love – When you write poems about your partner
Lust – When all you write is your phone number
Marriage – When all you write is checks
Love –When your heart flutters every time you see them
Lust – When your groin twitches every time you see them
Marriage – When your wallet empties every time you see them
Love – When all the songs on the radio describe how you feel
Lust – When the song on the radio decides how you do it
Marriage –When you listen to Dr. Ruth on talk radio
Love – Is the face of the woman that gets ready for you on your first
Lust – Is the face of the woman on a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover
Marriage – Is the face of Cruella Deville that wakes you up to every morning.
Al is that true, because Kay and Heather told me that. Al just
make sure you are always the last one to wake up in the morning.
My marital knowledge is striaghtfoward as you can see, but one
thing I do know is that:
A successful marriage is one, where your wife is also your best
friend. Marriage won't be perfect, there will be arguments, but
don't you fear. Just remember Al, at least you can always get the
last two words in …….YES DEAR.
Though I have only known Alan a couple of years, that may not
seem like a long time to some people, but it is long enough to
know that he is good, loyal and trustworthy man. I met Alan on a
jobsite in Bolingbrook. On the construction site, I am known as a
(because I do excavating) and Alan is trim, I mean does trim work.
I conned Alan into doing some trimwork at my house.
He was running a little late for his first date with Dawn so he had
to shower and get ready for it at my house.
I have to agree with you Dawn,
Alan does have a nice ass and smile!
He was all excited and enthusiastic about
the new woman in his life. And I think that was the last time I saw
Al have an upperhand in this relationship. So AL this is for you:
I need the two of you to stand up,
Al and Dawn…..Dawn If I can
ask you to place your hand flat on the table…Now Al if you can
put your hand ontop of Dawn's. Al, make the most of this moment
because it will be the last time you'll ever have the upperhand in
Now Dawn even though I haven't been around you alot, it
wasn't too long before I knew, Your kindness, compassion, and
sensitivity, are qualities possessed by few. Your intelligence, and
your judge of character, are two reasons why, I commend you on
ending up, with such a genuinely nice guy.
Mr and Mrs. H, couldn't be a nicer or more perfectly
suited couple you would ever wish to meet, and I wish them all the
happiness in their future together.
Could you please all stand now and join me in a toast to the bride
and groom's parents for this special day, and to all those who were
sadly unable to be here today.
Would you all please remain standing, I'd like to say that it really
has been an honour and a pleasure being best man, but today I am
the best man by name only. It's Alan and Dawn's day and I'd like
to give them a few final words: may your love be modern
enough to survive the times but old fashioned enough to last
forever. Congratulations to our Newlywed couple Mr. & Mrs.