Speech by Adam T

Opening 'ice breaker' went down very well and the speech as a whole was well received.  Card drop joke: I read the 'rules' off of the main card and 'riffled through' to find the cards to drop and made comments like 'wont be needing that!' 'or that'. Also went down well.

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Adam T
Speech Date: 03/07/2017 10:33:53

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Before I start I'd like to read a quick note from the boys at the rugby club:

“We found [Groom] useless in every position, all the best to his new wife” 

So for those of you who don't already know me, I ‘m Adam, [Groom]’s brother in-law. It should come as no surprise then that we first met though K, [Groom]’s sister and my now wife. We are currently living together – by we, I don't just mean K and I, I mean K and myself, our son, [Bride] and [Groom]. But not to worry, we can circle back to that whole situation in a moment. It was of course a great honour to be chosen as best manbut from the start this speech was always going to be a challenge. So bear with me and I'm sure the next 35mins will fly by!

Traditionally as best man I am supposed to stand up here and tell a few funny stories about the groom, and this is exactly what I had planned until a conversation with [Groom]’s mum earlier today where I was set some firm ground rules to help avoid any stories which might be controversial – so nothing about:

Ex-Girlfriends *Drop Card*

Nothing involving the police *Drop Card*

And nothing involving too much alcohol *Drop Card*

I do have one story I can share though, some years ago a group of us went to Ibiza and in the lead up to this we heard several times from [Groom] that he probably wouldn't be staying in the apartment much due to all of the ladies he'd be meeting! The reality of this was that we did indeed loose [Groom] on a few nights out but, usually found him again chatting to a bunch of friendly German guys! The closest he got to a woman was one night in a bar, me and [Groom] were getting a bit rowdy in front of a band, a woman calls him over, immediately his night was looking up, excitedly he followed her… right to the door, it was at this moment he realised she was in fact a bouncer kicking him out.

Keeping the ground rules in mind, I'd like to mention the stag do, for which [Groom] organised a day at Royal Ascot. He told anyone who asked that it would be a quiet day at the races with a few friends, so this is exactly the story I'm sticking to! Our day of betting confirmed only that the best way to make a small fortune at the track, is to start with a large fortune!

I first properly met [Groom] when I moved out of my parent's house with K, she politely spoke to me about her brother who was looking for a place to live. Young and in love I agreed for the three of us to move in together. 8 years and a baby later I am stood amongst his closest friends and family, having seen and heard more from [Groom] than I ever could have imagined! Drunken nights out, holidays, arguments and I'm sure much more to come!

At this point I should thank his little sister for whipping him into a semi-domesticated, socially acceptable flat mate – But don't worry [Bride], there's plenty of work left to do. 

I would like to mention the bridesmaids who all look wonderful; you clearly did an excellent job helping [Bride] get ready and to the church on time. Also a special mention to J the flower girl whose real job was baby control! Thank you for getting him down the aisle without causing a scene! *Space for reaction to what actually happened* /The night is still young though eh?!

The girls are of course only outshone by the bride, who – I am sure you will all agree – looks beautiful today. To the ushers, well done keeping calm under the pressure of sitting people down!

Seriously though, I am sure I can speak for [Bride and Groom] when I say you have all been a huge support. 

With [Groom's] hard working attitude, high standards and physical prowess – [Bride's] endless patience, ability to laugh at anything and care-free nature you already have the foundations of a strong marriage and bright future.

I know you have both put a lot of effort into making today so special and I hope that bar this speech everything has exceeded your expectations. As a guest at the church and the event so far I can confirm it has been a wonderful, elegant and emotional day – even the cake is in tiers! *informally apologise*  

So with my speech finally drawing to an end, I would like to ask you all to join me in wishing [Groom] and [Bride] the very best; for a future of love, happiness, adventure and memories –

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To the new Mr and Mrs!