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29 Questions You Need to Ask to Learn More About Your Partner

You might think you know your partner pretty well, or perhaps you're in the early stages of romance - no matter where you're at, these revealing questions will help you really discover more about your special someone

Revealing questions to ask your partner
Pexels/Josh Willink

Revealing questions to ask your partner
Pexels/Josh Willink

In the initial stages of a relationship, there's so much excitement and passion - you put lots of energy into finding amazing date ideas and impressing your potential partner. Once those first exciting few months have died down, you can find yourself settling into a cosy routine and a close relationship with someone and it's easy to forget about those dizzy, getting-to-know-you days. But it's essential in a good relationship that you understand each other, so we've rounded up 29 revealing questions to ask your partner to keep you going on that journey of learning about each other.

These revealing questions will tell you a lot about your loved one, and about yourself and your relationship too. Start working them into your conversations now - no matter what stage your relationship is at - and see what you can learn!

Playful Questions

If there’s a lot you want to discover about your partner, asking some light-hearted, playful questions can be a good way to steer the conversation towards some deeper ones. Here are a few examples.

1. What’s the Weirdest Thing You’ve Ever Done?

This is a great first date question, as well as a fun question to ask to reveal more about your partner at any stage in your relationship. You know the answer is going to be something a bit strange that you can both laugh at - but just how strange it is will reveal a lot about your loved one!

2. What Motivates You?

You can ask this question in a deadpan style to make it even more playful. It’s a job interview style question, but it will reveal a huge amount about their personality. The answer options are endless - success, money, joy, the weekend, etc. How they choose to answer will reveal who they are at their core.

3. What Was Your First Impression of Me?

You have to be prepared to hear the answer, if you choose to ask this question! But it’s a great way to get your partner to let their guard down and be honest with you - you’ll also quite likely end up receiving a nice compliment.

4. What Are You Most Afraid Of?

Asking this big question during a playful discussion can help your partner to open up a bit more. They might say spiders, or they might talk about their fear of abandonment…

5. What Superhero Power Would You Have & Why?

It’s the ‘why’ that’s key here - why do they want to be able to fly, be invisible, have super-strength? Their answer will give you a lot of insight into their personality, goals and wants - quite impressive for a silly question about superheroes!

6. What’s More Important in a Relationship - the Physical or Emotional Connection?

Couple sitting on a bed together looking at an iPad
Pexels/Yan Krukov

You can dumb this question down a bit if you need to - sex or laughs? Their answer will help you to understand which of the five love languages they speak the most and will give you an idea of how to connect with them better. 

READ MORE: The Important Topics to Discuss Before You Get Married

7. If You Won the Lottery, What’s the First Thing You’d Do?

Would they walk out of their job and hop on a flight somewhere? Would they work their notice and build up a charity? Buy their mum a new car? You can see where we’re going here, right?

8. If You Could Do Anything Tomorrow, What Would it Be?

Would they whisk you away somewhere? Would they time travel, or go into space? See how far their imagination goes, and understand them better by learning about what they'd do with no limits.

9. If You Could Meet Up With Anyone From History (Dead or Alive), Who Would You Choose?

This question is really fun to ask and answer - find out who their hero is, or if they'd choose to revisit with a lost loved one. They might surprise you with their answer!

10. If You Could Go Back in Time to Any Point, When Would it Be & Why?

Same sex female couple gazing into each other's eyes
Pexels/Ketut Subianto

Would they go back to their grandparents house one last time? Would they want to travel to a significant point in history? Are they daring and bold enough to want to change the course of history? Do they want to revisit a happy memory, or right a wrong they committed? What they say will reveal so much about their character.

Questions That Will Help You Understand Their Past

Our pasts have huge impacts on who we are as a person - whether we are striving to move away from our pasts or to recreate them in our future. This is all very deep, isn’t it? But stick with us. By understanding some of your partner’s past, you’ll get to understand who they are today - and these are the questions that will help you do that. 

11. What Was School Like for You?

We all hear that your school days are supposed to be the best days of your life - but are they? If they loved school, what was it about their school that made them so happy there? And if they hated it - why?

12. What’s the Worst Job You’ve Ever Done?

This revealing question will tell you a lot about their attitude to work - if they hated a job because they were busy all the time, they thought their boss was an idiot, the pay was rubbish or the work itself was unpleasant - all these answers provide food for thought about who they really are!

13. What is Your Earliest Memory?

Your earliest memories are quite a precious thing - sharing them helps to foster a sense of intimacy and closeness. 

14. What Do You Admire Most About Your Parents & Why?

This is a super revealing question to ask your partner as it will let you know their key values and the traits they consider important. It’s likely your partner will emulate the traits they admire, and look for them in others, too. 

15. What's the Best Thing You Did with Your Family?

If you're looking to build a family with this person - whatever that might look like - hearing the traditions they had and the special moments they shared will help shape what your future as a family.

Questions That Will Reveal Their Personality

When you’re getting to know someone who you want to build a life with, it’s important to fully understand their personality - these revealing questions will help you to really get to know that special someone.

16. What Does Your Perfect Day Look Like?

Couple on a sofa laughing together
Pexels/Andres Ayrton

By asking this question, you’re getting a snapshot of their interests, their hobbies and their desires. If they tell you it’s skiing down a mountain before an evening of apres ski shots, you know they’re active and adventurous. If it’s a blanket fort and romantic movies with you, you know they’re a sweet homebody who likes their comforts! It can also help you plan a cute day for them and cross some things off their bucket list, once you know the stuff they'd really love to do. 

17. What Would You Cook Me for Dinner?

This is a good question for those early days - you’ll again establish how experimental, adventurous and creative they are based on their answer. And you can decide if that’s a good thing for you - if you’re passionate about pie and mash, how do you feel about someone who wants to make a savoury take on a mille feuille? 

18. What’s Your Biggest Goal Right Now?

By asking this question, you’re getting them to reveal what their biggest priority in life is and where they are at in their life. If it’s ‘get a top score on every arcade machine at the bowling alley’, then they might not be looking for long-term commitment and all that comes with it…

19. How Important is Money to You?

Some people are very driven by money - they want to make a lot of it, but some people want to spend a lot of it and some people want to save a lot of it. Others just need enough to get by and they’re happy with their lot. What’s their take? And how does it align with yours?

Questions to Ask About Their Love Life

It’s important when you’re establishing a serious relationship with someone that you understand what their previous relationships have been like. It’s not always stuff we want to hear, but knowing what they’ve been through before you - and understanding how you’re different from that - can help build a more solid relationship and a sense of security. 

READ MORE: Relationship Advice from Real Couples & Dating Experts

20. Have You Ever Had Your Heart Broken?

It’s hard to hear that the person you like has loved someone enough to feel broken hearted before, but it is something that is helpful to know. If you can understand the circumstances that resulted in heartbreak, it can help you to understand your partner as a person. 

Every hurt that a person has experienced in relationships will shape their sense of security, their trust in others and their ability to connect in some ways - understanding what they’ve been through, as well as sharing what you’ve been through, will give you insight into those parts of them. 

21. Have You Ever Cheated on Someone? What Happened?

Again, not a pleasant conversation but it does give you insight into their character. If they’ve done it multiple times, what makes you different? If they did it once, what did they learn from it? Did they confess or get caught? All these things help you learn who you are embarking on a relationship with.

22. What Do You Like in Bed?

It’s so important to discuss your sex life. If you can strip naked and do the deed with this person, then you need to be able to talk about it openly too. There’s a real degree of trust and vulnerability required to be open about something so personal - add that element to your relationship by being honest with each other about what you like (and don’t like).

23. Do You Believe in ‘The One’?

Same sex couple holding hands and kissing
Pexels/Polina Tankilevitch

Not everyone believes in the idea of a soulmate. Asking whether they do or not gives you an idea of their expectations in a relationship, how they see you and how they might have seen previous relationships.

READ MORE: Essential Marriage Advice from Real Couples

24. Have You Ever Been in Love Before? 

We’re all adults, we can accept that whilst we might be the great love of our partner’s life, we haven’t necessarily been the only love. If they have never been in love before, why not? What prevented them from experiencing that feeling? How does it impact your relationship now? 

Questions to Ask About Yourself

It’s always useful to know how your partner sees you - in your relationship and as a person in your own right. Asking these questions will help understand their perception of you, and to establish if they see you the way you see yourself.

25. What’s the Thing You Admire Most About Me?

It sounds like compliment-fishing, but it’s not! It’s a boost to hear what other people like about us, sure, but if you understand what your partner values about you the most, you get a great insight into how they see you - and you might learn something about yourself too. 

26. What’s Your Favourite Memory of Us?

This question will reveal what is important about your relationship, and will also help create that feeling of intimacy and togetherness. It’s fun to reminisce about all the lovely stuff you’ve done together!

27. Where Do You See Us in Five Years Time?

Couple holding hands and looking at each other on a walk
Pexels/Jasmine Carter

That’s a big question and it will reveal a lot! Do your visions of the future align?

READ MORE: Why Your First Year of Marriage Can be Tough & How to Deal With It

28. Is There Anything You Wish You Could Ask Me?

If you’re asking each other big questions, why not add this into the mix? Make it an open forum to air things out and discuss things properly. Be open to what they say and give them a fair answer. 

29. What is it About Our Relationship That Makes it Work?

See if you both agree about the strongest parts of your relationship. It’s not an issue if you don’t - it simply means you see it in different ways and there are more great parts to your life together than you might have originally realised!

Are you looking for more ways to build your connection and strengthen your relationship? Here are some cute date ideas for newlyweds - it doesn't really matter if you're married or not though, you can still enjoy them!