How to Deal With Manipulative In-Laws Before Your Wedding

Planning a wedding is meant to be a joyful time - full of excitement, decisions, prosecco-fuelled planning sessions and happy tears. But for some couples, it can also come with an unexpected layer of stress: dealing with manipulative or difficult in-laws.

Whether it's a future mother-in-law insisting on final say over the guest list, a sibling-in-law stirring the pot with passive-aggressive comments, or a parent trying to relive their own wedding through yours, navigating these tricky dynamics can feel overwhelming.

And while it’s completely normal to face some tension when two families come together, that doesn’t mean you have to put up with behaviour that makes you uncomfortable.

We’re here to help. Below, you’ll find practical, supportive advice for how to cope with difficult in-laws before the wedding, while protecting your peace, your relationship - and your wedding day. And if you're still struggling, check out our guide to managing wedding planning stress.

1. Start With a United Front

One of the most powerful tools you have in this situation is your partner. If you're feeling undermined, pressured or manipulated by their family, it’s essential you talk about it - honestly, gently, and without blame.

Rather than saying, "Your mum is ruining our wedding," try something like: “I felt really uncomfortable when your mum insisted on inviting her colleagues. Can we talk about how to handle it together?”

Being on the same page with your partner not only strengthens your bond, but it also sends a clear message to your in-laws: you’re a team.

2. Set Boundaries Early (and Stick to Them)

Setting boundaries might feel awkward - especially with future family - but it’s one of the healthiest things you can do. Think of them as a way to protect your relationship, not punish anyone.

That could mean:

• Telling a parent that while you love their ideas, you and your partner will be making the final decisions.
• Letting people know that wedding planning time is off-limits during family meals.
• Clearly defining financial expectations if your in-laws are contributing money to your wedding.

Once a boundary is set, stick to it - kindly but firmly. Consistency is key to avoiding manipulative behaviour from escalating.

3. Understand Where the Behaviour Comes From

It can be helpful (though not always easy) to reframe your thinking. Sometimes, difficult in-laws aren't intentionally being manipulative - they're acting from fear, insecurity or outdated expectations.

A parent might be struggling to ‘let go’ of their child, or feel left out of the planning. Understanding the why doesn’t excuse bad behaviour, but it can help you approach it with empathy - and create space for more productive conversations.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Say No

This is your wedding. And while weddings are about bringing families together, that doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice your comfort or values to keep the peace.

Saying no doesn’t make you rude, ungrateful or difficult - it makes you clear. You’re allowed to:

• Say no to wearing a family heirloom if it doesn’t feel right.
• Say no to inviting people you’ve never met.
• Say no to traditions that don’t align with your identity or relationship.

You don’t need to justify every decision - a simple, “That’s not something we’ll be including, but thank you for understanding,” is enough.

5. Use the Wedding as Practice for the Future

If you're experiencing manipulative behaviour before the wedding, it’s likely to continue after. That’s why this time can be so important: it gives you a chance to practise healthy communication and boundary-setting early in your marriage.

If someone is guilt-tripping you now, how will you handle it later with children or shared holidays? Use this as an opportunity to protect your future family unit, while still making space for wider relationships (if you want them).

6. Prioritise Your Mental Health

Weddings are emotional - and feeling anxious, frustrated or hurt by in-law dynamics is completely valid. You might feel torn between pleasing others and doing what’s right for you. That pressure is exhausting.

Make space for self-care:

• Speak to a therapist or counsellor if needed.
• Lean on trusted friends (especially those who’ve planned weddings before).
• Take regular breaks from planning and reconnect with your partner - outside of wedding chat.

If it all feels too much, you’re not failing - you’re human. And you deserve support.

7. Know When to Step Back

If you've tried to communicate, compromise and set boundaries - and the behaviour continues - it's okay to step back.

This could mean:

• Putting a pause on family involvement in wedding planning.
• Asking your partner to be the main point of contact with their side of the family.
• Reassessing how much time you spend in high-conflict situations.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do - for yourself and your future marriage - is to take a breath, regroup, and choose peace over pressure.

Coping with difficult or manipulative in-laws before the wedding isn’t easy, but you are not alone. So many couples experience family challenges in the lead-up to their big day. The important thing is to protect your peace, stay connected to your partner, and remind yourself what really matters: the life you’re building together.

And when the wedding arrives? Let go of the drama, soak up the joy - and enjoy the first day of your married life surrounded by love. For more guidance, check our key things to discuss before marriage.