Speech by Chaile

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Chaile
Speech Date: 05/10/2017 15:24:11

A Wedding Poem

I will apologise now as I'm not the best speaker 
And I was hoping to stand here and fake it 
By writing my speech in the style of a poem 
But it turns out it's quite hard to make it… rhyme.

I hope it's okay, as I've tried really hard 
And have pushed my grammatical limits. 
But if it's not then don't panic, because like all my best efforts
It'll be over in under five minutes.

It's been a long time since I last wrote this speech  
So I Googled what should be included 
As just changing the names on the last one 
I figured would be a bit stupid. 

With Hitched and Confetti and Groom Groove.com 
There really is quite an assortment 
Of sites where they offer all kinds of advice 
But there's one thing they say is important… 
And that's that “a speech should be quick and efficient 
An intro of just a few words is sufficient. 
Avoid kind of standing there having a natter 
Reflecting and chatting about things that don't matter. 
The people are listening, so try to reward them 
Don't make them sit there just dying of boredom 
While you're wittering on with your guests disapproving 
Instead tie up the intro and get your speech moving!” 

“And when that's accomplished”, the sites go on to say, 
“You should already have their attention 
And that is the point where the speech really starts 
And you give everybody a mention.” 

We truly are grateful so many could come  
Taking days off and days out of school.  
And especially to those from slightly further afield  
Who've spent a small fortune on fuel. 

And thank you to friends who are unable to join us
But send love and heartfelt apologies.
Especially to Jono and Loz, who are poorly
But join us through modern technologies. (Hi Guys!!)

It's been so great to see you and, on behalf of us both,
I would like to just thank you and say 
That it all would be so very different 
If you weren't here to share in our day.

Well, first and foremost, I would like to express 
Our deep and sincere gratitude 
To Sue, who has stepped in and saved the whole day 
By preparing and cooking the food.

Likewise to our friends at ID Newman & Son
Local butchers and wonderful guys.
Who created a vegetarian option for us
Along with all the other great pies.

And also a thank you to Dave, 
Who built the balloon dinosaur. 
And after we've powered through all of the speeches 
He'll be back here to build you some more. 

And I'll just quickly mention Daniella and Ross 
Who I would like to thank in advance, 
As they'll be performing the songs for tonight, 
So I hope you'll all get up and dance. 

Now as a boyfriend, most likely the scariest thing  
(As any new beau will attest)  
Is the prospect of meeting her parents  
And attempting to leave them impressed.

Though I've tried, I know I've not always succeeded 
And I've made some faux pas, I'll admit  
Like that time when an unplanned innuendo  
Left me sat there just feeling a tit… 

But you made me feel welcome right from day one 
And accepted as part of your crew  
So I'd like to say thank you to Kathy and Matt  
I'm so grateful my in-laws are you.  

I'd like to turn next to these people beside me,  
Without whom I'd barely survive  
These are my truly spectacular parents 
The wonderful Jacquie and Clive! 

They are there when we need help with Mary or Bob 
Or even with just something random 
They will drop everything and dad will pop over 
With mum on the back of their tandem. 

Not to mention the work that they've done on our house  
And their love and support and advice 
We really don't know how to thank you enough 
Because those two words just do not suffice.

Not forgetting, of course, Grandma Elsie, who has 
Been someone that Hayley could rely on 
When she needed a laugh, or a nice cup of tea 
Or a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. 

Through hardship and heartbreak and (a few) bad decisions  
Through persistence and nurture and fuss  
You've each had a remarkable effect on our lives  
And we thank you for making us “us”! 

To Mary and Robyn I just want say 
That with you standing here by our side 
You have made our day perfect and our family complete 
And you fill us with immeasurable pride. 

And where we would be without the bridesmaids 
Hannah, Kim, Sarah, Loz, Dan and Leigh?  
Together you have all managed to do the impossible  
And have kept Hayley sane and stress-free (ish)

I'll follow that on with a nod to the boys, 
The bearded brethren Ross, Gatty and Rob 
Three of the best friends that I could have asked for 
And the very best men for the job. 

You have helped ease our stresses and fiery outbursts 
On occasion akin to Mount Etna. 
And without you all here with your endless support 
We may have just run off to Gretna. 

Of course I can't finish without mentioning Hayley 
She's not heard this part… but I've said 
That I won't mention things that she buys in her sleep 
Or how much she LOVES “Crunchy Bread”.

It was when she first opened her shop on the high street 
And I saw Hayley Spencer stood there, 
That I knew that I wanted to ask out this girl 
With the tattoos and vivid pink hair. 

But she was confident, bubbly… and, well, I was a wuss 
and my cowardice filled me with dread, 
It took me a year and I STILL chickened out, 
So I drew her a picture instead. 

She loved it and we started to chat quite a lot 
And then we would hang out together, 
Where we'd bond over Red Dwarf and Krispy Kreme Donuts 
And movies that featured Heath Ledger. 

We went on a few dates and it turned out she liked me 
but quite why that was is a mystery. 
Then about a year later she moved into my house  
And the rest, as they say, would be history. 

I've discovered, of course, that there are things that frustrate me  
Like all the time that she spends on her phone, 
Or the fact that no matter how hard I protest 
She will always pronounce this as “scone”.

But then, I am pretty sure that I'm far from perfect 
I can be messy, frustrating and lazy 
But despite all my misgivings, she loves me so much 
That even my puns drive her crazy. 

In seriousness though, so much has occurred 
In those eventful five years since we met. 
We've been through some thick and we've been through some thin 
And it hasn't defeated us yet. 

Thank you for the smiles, for the laughs and the joy, 
For the new things you've brought to my life 
For your love, for your friendship, but most of all thank you 
For agreeing to make me your “wife”. 

To conclude I would like to ask you all to please stand 
And to hold up your wines and your beers 
To raise up a toast to these beautiful people 
And to drink up to fifty more years!