Speech by Andy Haslam

Hey there - I borrowed lots of quotes from this site and some general internet quote sites also. It went okay although in hindsight I could have been sooooo much funnier!  I got heckled by a 2 year old and wish I'd said 'tough crowd' instead I just asked if he was okay and if he needed anymore cake.... slightly lame but it got a laugh. (probably sympathy but I'll take it). If I ever make another speech I'll definately prepare for some interruptions better.  I tried to format it so that it made sense chronologically. So thanks to the father of the bride for my wife being around, little bit about our life before the big day. The reasons why I love her and how she makes me a way better person.  Anyway, best of luck if you're a groom and congratulations. Being married is awesome.... even when its the second time like mine!  Andy

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Andy Haslam
Speech Date: 03/01/2012 19:16:48


My wife and I would like to thank all of you for making the time and effort to join us today.

We are honuored and touched by your company particularly those of you who have travelled from so far away. Part of what makes this so special is knowing that almost everyone we love and hold dear are, probably for the only time in our life, all together in one place. 

My personal thanks to Paul and Margeret for their amazing daughter Colette. Having had the privelege to be at many of your weddings I always like the part when the groom describes that they are the luckiest man in the world to have have such a beautiful bride by their side. Thank goodness that  today is my turn. I hope that all of you who are married remember how I feel right now because its awesome.

Its said that before marraige a man holds a womans hand for love. After the wedding its more in self defence. As some of you know there have been the odd occassions over the past 3 years when I have felt married already. But there is no point getting older if you don't get any wiser. So to ensure I have a strong relationship I have learnt the following –

1 – Using my initiative is unhelpful and causes anger in Lette.2 – Not using my initiative is unhelpful and causes anger in Lette.3 – There is no room for error. In anything.

Fortunately my wife has given me some useful pointers that allow me self reflection and to build on the previous advice. These include – 

1 – ‘Thats not what I said is it’2 – ‘I can't find ‘x’ , you've thrown it away haven't you’3 – ‘You don't listen to me. why don't you listen to me? I'm always right’4 – I will kick your…..ask me about that one later’

As long as I try and follow the advice I'm sure that we will overcome the description that all marriages are happy, its the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.

If I were to name 3 things that I love most above my wife it would be these –

1 – When she's happy she sings around the house. She has amazing voice which perfectly compensates for my vocal range of a spoon.2 – When she's happy she dances about, with quite a lot of jazz hands. and to borrow a phrase she's got the moves like jagger whereas I dance like a frog in a blender.3 – Finally when she laughs it is the sound of sunshine whilst I bark like a walrus.

She smooths out my rough edges so what can i do with all this information to ensure a good marriage for my bride?

as Oscar wilde put it far better than me…

‘ How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.’

Lette, you are my imperfectly, not normal, wonderful wife and i'll do everything I can to make your life happy. As best as I can i will remember to ensure that you will always come first.

so ladies and gentleman, all you see today has been from the incredible hard work of Lette. Including the handmade table decorations and table displays. I think you can all agree to join me in heartfelt thanks with a toast. Please stand and the toast is ‘the bride’

(toast) The Bride.

Obviously there others to thank and i will start with the mothers for all there support over the past weeks.


And now to James and Lee my ushers, particularly Lee who never stops staying in touch even when I make it difficult by not answering my phone. Thank you. (applause)

Thank you to James, again, and also to Tamara for reading so beautifully. Thank you (applause)

And finally I know that he isn't here but I will just like to say how grateful we are to the Rector Nigel Nicholson. His service was outstanding and his spiritual guidance and support to myself and Lette has been great. Please join me in a round of applause regardless (applause).

And now to my best man, Mark Jarman. Some of you will understand when I say how honoured I was when he asked me  to be the groom for his best mans speech. An absolute gentleman and great friend. I hope this can continue during the next part of his speech. I wish him well. So my final toast is to Mark. ladies and gentleman, please stand for the best man.

Toast – ‘The Best man’


Thank you for your patience!