Speech by Grant Cochrane

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Grant Cochrane
Speech Date: oct 2004
Before I begin I would like to thank Iain & Siobhan for the lovely gift, and may I just say how wonderful they both look. I'm sure everyone will agree when I say how beautifully feminine, womanly and downright enchanting…..that…Iain looks today…..and Siobhan…you look fantastic too. The bridesmaids too, look stunning and they've done an excellent job. I'd like to congratulate the bride and groom on this special day. I'm sure everyone, like me is having fantastic day and one which we will remember for a very long time.

Iain and Siobhan have been seeing each other now for 9 years They met at a night club where Siobhan was a bouncer, and Iain…well, he was being ejected from said nightclub…The legend goes that in order to get Iain under control Siobhan had to smash his head off a table, 4 times…….I'm led to believe that the relationship hasn't changed much in 9 years

I've been warned about the content of my speech and whether or not Siobhan would take offence at any of my jokes. I can assure you that's there's nothing funny about this speech….but I really think Iain's living proof that Siobhan can take even the cruellest of jokes.

For those who don't know. My name's Grant and I've been friends with Iain for around 13 years. We met at High school and ever since then he's been like the big brother I always wanted….one that dusnae hit ye. Well, not as much. Iain's always been there for me and he's looked out for me from an early age. I consider it an outstanding privilege to be as much of a part of his life that he would ask me to be best man. Not just a guest like all you. I truly believe that without Iain's solid guidance in life, I'd have trod an entirely different path….… I might not have moved to England.

When Iain asked me to be best man my thoughts immediately came to this moment now…the speech. I was pretty nervous. Naturally, I asked for a bit of advice and I spoke to our other friend Lee who's been best man before and he assured me that it was just like being on a nudist beach…..only hard for the first couple of minutes.

I immediately looked back at our time together, and I thought to myself. What can you say to describe a man like Iain, what words do him justice….and the truth is, not many……well certainly not in front of his wife.

Iain asked me on a Saturday afternoon at Hampden park, the home of Scottish football. Where many a memorable game has been won….and lost. I remember vividly France teaching us how to play football.
Australia gubbing us….and England beating us 2-0. Fortunately, there was no game on when Iain asked me. We were just walking past…

Now as you may or may not know, Iain works in IT as an Oracle developer, so he's no stranger to excitement. The stag weekend was my first task to organise. So in keeping with Iain's exciting daily life I had to come up with something that could match Iain's expectations. A bit of nightlife, lots of thrills, even a bit of glamour……strippers…..(long pause)…….we went to Pitlochry. That's right laugh, It's wild up there as Lee's face will testify…(point to Lee's mashed up face) He was found at 3 in the morning snogging a brick wall. No, but it really is wild there's 3 pubs, one of which was closed and by the Saturday night we'd drank them both out of beer…..and Iain still wasn't drunk…….Well, that's a bit of a lie, actually. Iain was sooo drunk that he ended up in bed with….a bucket….(a plastic bucket to catch his sick) but give him his due, even in the morning his first words were….mare drink, mare drink

This is the start of what is going to be a huge year for Iain. Getting married today, and towards the end of the year, just to end it on a high, he's turning 30. Who'd have thought all those years ago when we laughed and joked about the future and tried to imagine what it would be like, that it would actually happen to us. When we were just two wee boys we used to sit in Iain's mum's house and play computer games. We used to sit and laugh about whether we'd still be doing the same when either of us was married. …and…yes….we do.
In fact we managed to squeeze a couple of games of playstation before we came here today and it was 5 to 2 before Iain finally gave up. Maybe he'll have better luck with you Siobhan.

Iain we've had some good times….and we've had some great times and all the times were happy times.
And now Iain that you're married. You will fully appreciate the meaning of the word happiness…..unfortunately….it's far too late… ……………………………………
Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please raise your glasses to the lovely couple Iain and Siobhan – the bride and groom!