25 Groom Speech Jokes That Guarantee Laughs Plus Expert Tips on Delivery
Guarantee laughs in your groom's speech with these hilariously funny jokes to suit every type of humour
Traditionally, the purpose of the groom’s speech is to thank everyone who’s helped your wedding come together, on behalf of you and your partner, but you don't want the best man to get all the laughs - and that's where groom speech jokes come in handy!
Peppering in a few groom jokes for a speech will ensure you have the perfect balance between heartfelt and humour, and we have the perfect selection for you to choose from.
Whether you want a funny line about your new in-laws, a bit of gentle ribbing of your new spouse or some self-deprecating grooms speech jokes, you're bound to find some in this roundup.
25 of the Funniest Groom Speech Jokes
Get that balance between humour and sentiment right with a few groom speech jokes and you’ll deliver an unforgettable speech. As well as hilarious groom wedding speech jokes, we’ve also got some great tips at the end for how to come up with original jokes and break the ice in your speech.
- Classic Groom Speech Jokes
- Funny Wedding Stories
- Jokes About the Bride/Groom/Newlywed
- Family-Inspired Groom Speech Jokes
- Funny One-Liners for the Groom's Speech
- Jokes About Marriage
- Top Tips For Your Groom Speech Jokes: Expert Advice
Classic Groom Speech Jokes
1. The Cost of a Wedding
Is it even a groom speech joke without mentioning the cost of the wedding?
“Without all of you here today, it wouldn’t be the same…but it would be cheaper.”
2. I've Been Told...
Though a little cliche, this one is a classic.
“Good afternoon everyone. I had prepared a superb speech for you today, but unfortunately, now that I am married … I’ve been told to read this one instead.”
3. Oscar Speech
With similar sentiment to the previous joke, this one allows you to elaborate and drag the joke out further. You could follow on with, "And I'd like to thank..."
“Ladies and gentlemen, I had originally intended to just say a few words. But before dinner was served my lovely wife/husband took my speech, rewrote it and left me with this version that’s more fitting for accepting an Oscar.”
4. My Bank Balance
This is another one of those groom speech jokes which pokes fun at the cost of your wedding.
“Now, I know you’re all thinking, ‘Doesn’t he look great in his suit?’ This is actually down to a new fitness regime which includes me doing 50 push-ups a day for the last three months. I should mention none of them have been intentional – I’ve just been collapsing a lot every time I think of my bank balance.”
5. Cheeky Best Man
A fun way to hand over your best man.
“I will shortly be handing over to the best man. But unlike many best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendos and inappropriate comments, he has promised me that if there is anything slightly risqué, he will whip it out immediately.”
Funny Wedding Stories
6. Homage to the Stag
This grooms speech joke allows you to nicely segway into a thank you to your best man and whoever else helped you plan your stag do.
“I feel very fortunate to have married [partner’s name]. None of you will know this, but I’ve actually been congratulated already. ‘Son,’ my father said to me. ‘Well done! You’ll look back on today as the happiest and best thing you’ve ever done.’ Fitting words, I thought, as I set off for my stag do.”
7. For the Love of Flowers
If delivered well, with acting and comedic timing, this grooms joke could get a lot of laughs.
“Before I start, let us observe a few moments’ silence for the countless lilies, roses and carnations that selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding possible.”
8. The Misunderstood Proposal
What seems to be a very sweet proposal story quickly turns into a real side-stitcher!
"When I proposed to [partner's name], I wanted it to be perfect. I got down on one knee, poured my heart out, and asked, 'Will you marry me?'9. A Trial Run with the Vows
This is a great joke for any dog-loving couples out there to bring their pet into their special speech.
"In the weeks leading up to the wedding, I thought I'd practice my vows on our dog. I said, 'I promise to love you, honor you, and cherish you.' The dog wagged his tail, then promptly walked away when I got to 'for better or for worse.'
Luckily, [partner's name] didn't walk away—yet!"
10. Wedding Day Mishap
"This morning, I was so nervous that I couldn't find my socks. So I texted my best man, panicked, and he calmly replied, 'Relax, that's what [partner's name] is here for—keeping you together!' Well, if keeping me organized is part of the job description, [partner's name], you're already off to a great start."
Jokes About the Bride/Groom/Newlywed
7. Never Listens
This joke gives you the chance to get a few laughs, but then lead into how you actually do listen. List sweet and specific things they've said to you to turn this into a really sweet moment.
“My new wife/husband says I never listen, or something like that.”
8. They Deserve a Good Husband
Nothing guarantees laughs more than poking fun at yourself!
“All those among you who know my new wife/husband will know that they’re a wonderful and caring person. They deserve a good husband. Thank God they married me before they found one.”
9. Always Right
This leans heavily into stereotypes, but is a tried and tested grooms speech joke.
“I’ve married Mr/Mrs Right. I just didn’t know his/her first name was 'Always'.”
10. The Perfect Husband
What better way to compliment your partner than to reiterate that no one is good enough for them!
“[Partner’s name], you an amazing man/woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here.”
11. Good Judge of Character
This joke doesn't poke fun at anyone and keeps things light and fun.
“When it comes to talking about my wife/husband’s good points, where do I start? They’re intelligent, generous, hard working, popular – and, clearly, a brilliant judge of character.”
Family-Inspired Groom Speech Jokes
12. First Husband
This groom speech joke is self-deprecating and includes the in-laws.
“I suppose you’ll be expecting a few laughs in this speech. But I know I need to tread carefully. I swear I already heard my parents-in-law going around introducing me as [partner’s] ‘first husband’.”
13. The Bill
Are there people helping you finance your wedding? If so, use this grooms joke as a way to start your thank yous to them. Get the room laughing and then bring it back to a more serious thank you to everyone who helped.
“Before I begin, please can we ensure that all the aisles and fire exits are kept clear throughout the reception. There’s a medical team waiting outside the building and I’d like them to have a clear run when my in-laws are presented with the final bill.”
14. No Interruptions
Funny - but risky. Ensure if you're making a joke about anyone interrupting you, you know they have the sense of humour to take it.
“I’ve been told that this is usually one of the only times in a man’s life when he can be around his wife and mother-in-law and not be interrupted – so hang in there, I’m going to take full advantage.”
15. Sports Teams
Are your family's team rivals with your partner's? This is a great way to include your in-laws without touching on anything too personal.
“I’d like to thank my in-laws for passing on such wonderful traits to their daughter/son; their kindness, their humour, their generosity, though unfortunately an unwavering support for [football team] has also slipped down the genetic line.”
16. The In-Laws
Got a great relationship with your partner's parents? If so, this is a fun one to break the ice at the start of your speech.
“In [in-law’s names], I have found the perfect in-laws. I always cringe when I hear jokes about difficult mothers-in-law because my own experience has been far from that stereotype. [Turns to in-laws and whisper] Did I read that right? Please don’t hurt me…”
Funny One-Liners for the Groom's Speech
17. Speech Nerves
If you're nervous about making your speech, make a joke about it! It'll help you relax and loosen up the room.
“I’ve been feeling quite nervous about giving this speech for some time. But I’m pleased to say I slept like a baby last night – I woke up every two hours, crying my eyes out.”
18. Formal Wedding Invitation
If you're keen to include jokes for your grooms speech, but want to keep them light-hearted and not aimed at anyone in particular, this one is super safe.
“I never actually received a formal invitation to the wedding, so I hope I haven’t just eaten a meal meant for someone else.”
19. Price Per Head
If the guests have a good sense of humour between them, you could use this joke before you mention those who were unable to make it. Crack the joke and bring it back with something like, "In all seriousness, we're gutted that X and X couldn't be here today. They would have been more than worth spending £X per head on!"
“The buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…”
20. Not Missing Much
Another self-deprecating joke to poke fun at yourself.
“I did ask for a microphone but was told there weren’t any available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence at the front should assure you that you’re not missing out on anything.”
Jokes About Marriage
21. The Definition of Marriage
This joke is a hilarious spin on a classic saying.
"Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurassic Park. It’s thrilling, it’s beautiful, but every now and then, you’re running for your life!"
22. Husband Logic
A little conventional, but if it fits the bill this one can cause a lot of laughs.
"They say a husband’s job is to fix things around the house. Funny how every time I fix something, [partner's name] calls a professional to 'double-check' my work. I think she’s just keeping the local economy alive."
23. The Secret to a Happy Marriage
You could even replace the "someone" in this joke with the name of one of their parents, just to add to the comedy.
"Someone once told me the secret to a happy marriage is three little words: 'You’re absolutely right.' And [partner's name], I plan on saying those words as often as necessary—starting now."
24. Teamwork in Marriage
A harmless way to tease your new spouse, whilst sending yourself up!
"In marriage, you quickly learn it’s all about teamwork. For example, [partner's name] decides what we’re going to eat, and I decide how enthusiastically to agree with her choice."
25. The Wedding Gift
This one is a light-hearted way to tease fun at your partner, whilst giving a wink to a friend.
"I asked a married friend for advice before today, and he said, 'The best wedding gift you can give your spouse is a lifetime of patience.' So I hope you like patience, [partner's name], because I forgot to wrap it, but I’ll be working on it every day!"
Top Tips For Your Groom Speech Jokes: Expert Advice
Now you've heard our favourite jokes for grooms to crack on the big day, it's time to hear what the experts think. Luckily Heidi Ellert-McDermott, founder of Speechy, is here to share her top tips for cracking the best groom's speech jokes.
Why Humour is Essential in a Groom Speech
"While the best man traditionally bears the brunt of comedic expectations, a groom’s speech should never be dry or overly formal. Humour is the ultimate social bonding juice – it sets the tone for the rest of the celebration and helps your guests relax, laugh, and connect.
"If you want to kick-start the party and get everyone in a great mood, make sure your speech packs in a fair few punchlines.
"At Speechy, we always aim to get a laugh or raise a smile within the first 15 seconds of a speech. Too many grooms start off with the same clichéd waffle: “For those of you who don’t know me…” or “What a wonderful day it’s been…” Instead, start with a sharp, personalised comedic line. It’s far more powerful to grab attention from the get-go.
Why You Should Avoid Googled Gags
"But – and this is a big but – steer clear of those overused ‘ice-breakers’ or Googled jokes. They’re lazy, naff, and everyone’s heard them before. Your humour needs to be rooted in the reality in front of you – your wedding, your relationship, and the quirks that make your story unique.
"For example, if your engagement lasted longer than most box sets:
"Well, we finally made it! It took us so long to get here that some of you probably thought we were waiting for the flying cars to arrive."
If you’re a self-confessed groomzilla who micromanaged every detail:
"I know tradition says the bride is meant to be the star of the wedding, but let’s be honest – I’ve had a project management spreadsheet for this day since our first date."
And when you hand over to the best man:
"Now, I promised myself I wouldn’t micromanage the evening’s proceedings and let you all do your own thing. So far, I’ve stuck to it… but if the best man goes off-script, I’ve got cue cards ready."
Or maybe you’re getting married in your parents’ garden:
"We thought about a big, fancy venue… but then we realised, why pay thousands for a wedding when Mum and Dad’s lawn comes with free Wi-Fi and no corkage fee?"
The key is to find what makes your wedding different and weave that into your speech. Whether it’s the venue, your love story, or a shared passion, the best humour comes from making it personal.
Safe (and Effective) Sources of Humour
"The safest and arguably most effective form of comedy in a groom’s speech is self-deprecating humour. Before you start picking on anyone else, make sure you’ve made yourself the first target. It instantly puts people at ease and shows you’re not taking yourself too seriously.
"A great source of humour is the differences between you and your partner. Whether it’s your approach to domestic chores, spending habits, or cooking skills, highlighting these quirks makes for relatable and endearing comedy.
"But sometimes it’s your weird similarities that get the biggest laugh. For example:
"I never thought I'd meet someone else in the world who organises their sock drawer by colour and season… but then I met [Bride’s Name]. Honestly, Marie Kondo has nothing on us!"
Should You Joke About the Bride in the Groom Speech?
Absolutely – if you do it right! At Speechy, we’ve worked with brides and grooms around the world, and we find that Brits are particularly good at using affectionate teasing to show love. Gentle jokes about your partner’s quirks demonstrate two things:
You know your partner well. You’re keeping your speech grounded and real – not just cheesy platitudes. Yes, your speech should conclude with some killer romantic and poignant lines, but getting your guests laughing first ensures those emotional moments land even harder. For example, if your partner takes a lot of selfies:
"Marrying [Bride’s Name] has taught me that the world is a photo opportunity… even the loos at motorway service stations."
Then bring it back with a romantic back reference to close your speech:
"But the truth is, I don’t care where we are, what we’re doing, or whether I’m in the shot… as long as I’m standing beside you, every moment is picture perfect."
Or if she’s a fan of online shopping:
"The truth is, [Bride’s Name] has a hobby – it’s called Vinted."
And wrap it up with:
"They say love isn’t about finding someone you can live with, but someone you can’t live without. And for me, that’s [Bride’s Name] – whether she’s dressed in designer or another amazing Vinted find, she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. And that’s one thing I’ll never return."
Final Tips for Groom Speech Humour
- Make it personal. Jokes that come from your own story are always more powerful than generic one-liners.
- Be self-aware. Poke fun at yourself first before teasing others.
- Keep it loving. Affectionate teasing shows genuine love and connection.
- Use callbacks. Clever back references make your speech feel well-crafted and memorable.
- At the end of the day, your guests are there to celebrate your relationship. Keep your humour playful, personal, and loving, and you’ll leave them laughing – and maybe even wiping away a tear.
If you’re looking for examples of brilliant groom speeches that you can use as a template or inspiration for your speech, make sure to check out our library of groom speech examples.
