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Welcome to hitched best man jokes. We all know the best man has the most pressure to make his (or even their) speech funny ... with the help of hitched jokes, we can help put some ideas in your heads for the ultimate joke or prank for your groom!

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Wedding lottery

A man was surprised to hear from an old school friend of his asking if he would be the best man at his soon to be held wedding. They had not seen each other for a while and he did not really know that much about the bridegroom to be, all he remembered about him from school was that he was a great practical joker. With this in mind on the day of the wedding the best man got hold of the bridegrooms lottery ticket and noted down the numbers. As he was starting his best mans speech he said that he as well as many others followed the lottery and if no-one minded he was going to read out the winning numbers which had been called a few minutes ago, everyone duly took out their tickets checking the numbers as he called them out. He could see the bridegroom becoming more and more excited as he read out the numbers until at the end, up jumped the bridegroom yelling out that he won the lottery, he was rich, he ran round showing the ticket to all. His new bride said how wonderful as they were now rich, what do you mean we, laughed the bridegroom? This is my ticket!! I am rich, besides which I have been sleeping with your sister for the last two months, so saying he grabbed the sisters hand and left never to be seen again.

Key collection

Collect a lot of keys from the wedding party/friends WITHOUT the bride and groom's knowledge. Pass them out to as many women as possible (swearing them to secrecy). During your speech, announce the "The bride realises that the groom has had a lot of girlfriends over the years. She would appreciate it if any of them who have keys to his place could please return them." This is the cue for all the women to bring their keys to the wedding party table. Try to get a couple of pregnant women in the group and maybe somebody's grandma.

Short changed

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for pick up and return of the groom's tux. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either 3 or 4 sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed. The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short.  Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

Forever hold your peace ..

During the wedding ceremony, when the minister/preacher/priest comes to the part about, "If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace..." have this 4-to-6 year old boy running up the aisle yelling, "Daddy, daddy." I understand from a friend who played this joke on a relative that it took almost an hour to get the wedding started again.

Puppeteer

At a cousin's wedding, she decided she wanted to describe what a typical day was like for her husband. So the groom had to stand behind a sheet, pulled up to his neck, on it was painted clothing and two wholes for arms. Then the best man stands behind the groom and puts his arms through the holes pretending they are the grooms. There was a table in front of the sheet with tons of everyday things on it like toothpaste, shaving cream, food, etc. As the bride describes what the groom does during the average day the best man makes a mess on the groom's face and head.

Bathtub jello

One of the pranks that I know of that isn't really harmful but still amusing is the "bathtub jello" one. I've heard about couples returning from their honeymoon to find nothing out of the ordinary - until they go to take a shower/bath, when they find that their bathtub is full of jello. It's easy to do - although I think it's better to make in layers if you have the time (you can assure that it's set that way). Just run hot water, dump in lots of jello and *lots* of ice cubes, then stir. It's somewhat of a mess to get rid of, though (you have to melt it a little bit at a time or scoop most of it).  Just a warning about the jello though...be sure to put it in the tub no more than a day before it will be discovered. My fiancé filled the tub a week before the honeymooners got home, and it went mouldy.

Condom story

The best man bought a number of condoms and passed them around to the groom's closest friends before the wedding. Immediately after the ceremony, each person cupped it in his right hand right before he shook the groom's hand (while passing through the reception line) so that it would end up in the groom's hand during the handshake. No one else (even the bride, who was standing right next to the groom) could tell what was going on. (actually, I think the bride found out after a few times because the groom kept sticking his hand in his pocket and was also turning red).

Scarlet woman

The last wedding I was at there was a priest and a minister present. When they brought the drinks round for the toast, the minister said  "I'll have a large whisky" but the priest replied " No alcohol for me I'd rather go with a scarlet woman ". So the minister put his drink back and said " Sorry I didn't know there was a choice". NOW i dont want to offend anyone so if there is a priest or a minister present i apologise, and if there is a scarlet woman here, I'll meet you in the bar in 10 minutes!

 

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