I once got a full shower of nappy contents mid-ceremony story (long tale, ask me about it) and didn't miss a beat — that's roughly the energy I bring to a wedding day. I'm John Paul, a Humanist Society Scotland celebrant, and I write every single ceremony from scratch — no off-the-shelf script, ever. One couple told me I was "more excited for our wedding than we were," which, fair, I probably was.

Working with me starts with a proper blether — in person or on a call — where you talk and I take notes on the bits you didn't think were interesting (they always are). Dogs barking through the vows, rings arriving on a collar instead of a cushion, a wee flower girl who steals the whole show, secrets your granny wrote down and never told you — all of it goes in. I've married couples on beaches with the tide coming in, in city rooms, up hills, in barns, and once with a dug called Gelert trotting the rings down the aisle like he owned the place.

I'm a gay man myself, so if you're an LGBTQ+ couple, you get a celebrant who isn't just being welcoming — I actually get it. Whatever your story is, however daft or lovely or both, I'll write it properly and then stand there grinning while you say it out loud to everyone you love.