Should I ban my dad from our wedding?

HappyIvoryConfetti12682
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  • Posted: 6 Aug 2018 17:32

    Should I ban my dad from our wedding?

    Hi everyone! I'd really appreciate your views on this, just so I know I'm not going completely crazy! So my dad has never really warmed to my fiancé. This has become apparent in the last few weeks and my dad is basically saying that he's not happy I'm marrying him. My fiancé and I are madly in love, he has never hurt me or done anything wrong. My dad, who is very old fashioned and part of an older generation, believes that my fiancé is 'foreign' and believes that he controls me. Neither are true and complete madness!!! 

    Dad refuses to apologise to my fiancé for a. Being so rude and unfriendly and b. Calling him foreign. Even if he were, it shouldn't matter!!!!! I can't believe the way my dad is treating us both. My mother is stuck in the middle and doesn't know what to do. 

    Shall I tell my dad he isn't coming the wedding? How will this pan out in the future? I can't believe his behaviour. 

     

    Thanks 

     

     

  • Posted: 8 Aug 2018 10:57

    Re: Should I ban my dad from our wedding?

    Wow! I'm so sorry to hear this, I'd imagine this is somewhat taking the shine off your wedding planning.

    How long have you got left to go? 

    I'm guessing your fiance is of a mixed heritage (i.e. mixed ethnicity or born British from an Asian family or something like that?)? You need to think about how your dad is going to be on the day as well - it sounds like he isn't the kind of person to keep his -let's face it- racist views to himself, and is that going to make your fiance and his family uncomfortable on the day? 

    If you have a bit of time, I would try and sit down with your dad (maybe your mum will back you up or mediate?) and ask him if he has any evidence to back up his comments, and if he hasn't, then call him out on it, and explain that his behaviour is unacceptable.

    I would try reasoning with him first, but if you are genuinely concerned that his presence might cause upset on the day, then you may need to think about not having him there, but do try and resolve it first, as I think you will regret not having made an effort to have him there. Maybe you could get him to agree to spend some quality time with your fiance and/or meet your fiance's family beforehand?  

    This is a hard one, so I wish you all the luck! X

  • Posted: 8 Aug 2018 13:14

    Re: Should I ban my dad from our wedding?

    Thank you so much for your reply! You know, my fiancé is actually completely White British heritage, with tanned skin colour, making my dads beliefs even more crazy! I feel like he is just using anything to as an excuse to say he doesn't rate my fiancé. It's really causing a lot of hurt and embarrassment. My fiancé just doesn't know what he has done wrong. I think it's so wrong of my dad to be making this so hard for me in what should be a happy time. He is behaving so childish. He believes no one is good enough for me. I think the mediation idea is the way forward, which we are going to try this week. It needs to be resolved, if it isn't, then I don't know 🤷‍♀️. All I know is we love each other and are strong together, thank goodness! 

  • Posted: 8 Aug 2018 14:06

    Re: Should I ban my dad from our wedding?

    Oh wow, that's nuts!

    This must be really hard, please do try to not let this affect other areas of your wedding planning. 

    Fingers crossed for you that the mediation works! Good luck lovely! X

  • Posted: 8 Aug 2018 18:36

    Re: Should I ban my dad from our wedding?

    Wow!  This is certainly an unusual problem!  Personally, I wouldn't "tell" your dad he's not coming.  Be more subtle.

    You could say something like this

    "I'm so sad you feel this way about our marriage.  I had hoped you would want to attend our wedding and share the day with us?"

    him "I do want to come!"

    you "I understand you may feel obliged to come but we don't want you to feel uncomfortable on the day by having to pretend and keep up appearances.  So unless your feelings genuinely change over the next few weeks you will have our blessing to stay away on the day.  I will find someone else to give me away."

  • Posted: 14 Aug 2018 6:27

    Re: Should I ban my dad from our wedding?

    So sorry to hear this. I think the best way is to sit down and talk with your dad, give some details to your dad and let him know your fiancé is very nice to you. The good thing is your mom is back up for you. So i think you also should ask your mom for help, help you to persuade your dad. Anyway, if i were you, i will talk with my dad again and again, and will definitely invite him come to the wedding. If you don't invite him, actually neither you or he will feel happy. So, talk with him now and ask your mom for help. Good luck with youKiss!

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