Has anyone else been asked to sign a pre-nup?

Honestly I would be feeling very pi**ed off, OH owns his house and I have never contributed any money towards it but he would never dream of asking me to sign a pre-nup, as far as I see it we are entering a marriage not a business agreement. Just my opinion! x

Thanks Rach. I do feel this way too and have told OH this.

x x x x

I was under the impression that pre nups have no legal recognition in the UK?? If you sign one the judge may have regard to it but they are not legally bound to follow it I believe.

Agree with rachel2012. I too would feel very upset. 'What's mine is yours' and all that!

"Prenuptial agreements have historically not been considered legally valid in England. This is still generally the case, although a 2010 Supreme court test case between the German heiress Katrin Radmacher and Nicolas Granatino, indicated that such agreements can "in the right case" have decisive weight in a divorce settlement."

Has this come from your OH or at the request/suggestion of his parents?

If you don't sign and fully explain your reasons for not wanting to, would this be a deal breaker for him?

Thanks,

Roughly translates to only the super rich can afford the legal fees to uphold one. Ha

I think i would feel annoyed at being asked especially as you were on your way to engagement party, that would have put a dampner on the occasion.

i dont know if i would sign one or not. to me when you get married its for life and the only time i would want to take him for all his money would be if i found him with another woman and then i would want to hurt him bad.

i think only you can decide if you want a pre nup - If you dont sign is that the end of your relationship? i would sit down with him and find out why he wants this pre nup what it means to him etc and discuss it in an open and frank conversation where you explin your feelings towards it.

I would not be happy at all.

I would not be happy either-agree with the whats mine is yours etc. Marriage is a partnership- in our relationship I have the mortgage (I have paid off around a third) but wouldn't dream of asking my fella for pre nup-it just goes againt the grain of the whole concept of marriage in my opinion- marriage is for life so why would you need one?! I would not sign it just because it is 'easier' if it were me it would always be at the back of my mind and not how I would want to start married life.

In all honesty it would seriously make me question my relationship. You've been together 5 years, and to bring it up on the way to your engagement party is just wrong!

Hmm, tough one.

I'm fortunate in that I have a very well paid job and my own flat (pretty big mortgage though) but OH is much richer than me (even higher paid job, small mortgage and considerable family wealth) and I currently live with him without paying any bills etc (my flat is rented out) but do contribute towards living costs

I'm not sure I'd want to sign a pre-nup as such but if anything were to happen I'd expect to leave the relationship with what I'd put in ie I wouldn't expect to have a claim on his house or other assets. However, if children were in the equation I'd want them to be the main focus with any financial splits in their best interests.

Obviously hoping that it's something we will never have to consider

I don't think bringing it up on the way to your engagement party was the best way to raise the issue though.

I would not be happy at all. OH has far more money than me. He put 70k into the house and then his parents lent us the rest. He stands to get a nice chunk when his grandparents pass too. I would have gone mental if he asked for a prenup. Not that I care about the money but That's like admitting it is going to fail if you ask me. What's mine is yours and all that.

I'm in two minds here. It wasn't an issue for us because neither of us came into the marriage with any significant assets (and we have only recently purchased our first item that is genuinely joint - some new furniture).

However, had I or Boy already owned a house (or significant part thereof), I would have no issue in outlining how things would be divided if we were to split. My parents have offered us money towards a house (when we get around to it) and we have both said that we will make it clear (or as clear as we can) that this money is to come back to me, should the worst happen.

If the only disparities in ownership arise from differences in wages, I wouldn't consider it necessary.

And children would change a lot. You need protection for the future, although you hope the courts would see you right in that case.

I have no experience of this as H and I met at uni so we didn't have any assets prior to the start of our relationship but in your case I'd be really annoyed, especially at his timing. I think you need to talk it through and work out if this is coming all from him or whether his parents have something to do with it. To me wedding vows mean that you agree to share everything.

I personally dont think I would mind signing one if it seemed fair.

I know one of my friends is in a similar situation where she has 2 lots of inheritence from her dad and grand parents so was in a position to buy her house cash with no morgage so she wants to protect that if she marrys (I agree i dont think her parents/grandparents hard earned money should go to someone else if it does not work out)

Of course. But if there are family assets, I can see why people are cautious, whether it's houses or jewellery or whatever.

There aren't many situations in life where we'd recommend to not bother with protection against financial issues.

I've woken up and thought about this a bit more since I last commented.

Personally, as long as any agreement like this would leave me, my OH and any children involved in a fair position should the marriage fall apart I would sign one. My OH earns double what I do, and his parent's are very wealthy. The house we have moved in to was bought by money from OH's trust fund, although his parent's and their solicitor insisted that I was put on the deeds, although I didn't contribute to the purchase, they wanted me to feel like it was 'our' house. I didn't want to be on the deeds as I don't see myself having any right to the money, it was earned by my future father in law and he is using it to make sure his two children are in the best position financially.

Whilst I am grateful for their generosity and understand how lucky we are, I would not at all want to take any of this money that wasn't mine to begin with if things go wrong. I of course contribute to the bills, food and our life together, and as long as I received something fair that represented my input in that way I think that is fair. If that involved me signing a document saying so, then that would be fine by me.

Bringing it up at the time your OH did was not ideal, but perhaps he was worrying about it, and in his mind no time would have been a good time.

If parents have contributed that's a bit different. Although I'd have thought they'd want their interests in any property protected on the title deeds (declaration of trust).

As I said my OH owns the house and brough it before we even met, I have mentioned to him in the past that if we did ever split I would move out the house as it is his, he grew up in it and I honestly dont think I could live there anyway, if we sell the house and buy one together as the OP is planning on doing then I will expect to get out what I put in as should she, as I am marrying my OH I would like to think that we can have this agreement and trust each other without having to put things in writing, I can kinda see where the OH is coming from but to me it just seems like he doesnt trust her not to go after his money if the worst happens which doesnt say much for what he thinks about his future wife!

The timing of asking is awful.... He gets a black mark for that! Although I guess it's not totally unreasonable......It does need handling delicately.

I wouldn't just be thinking about a pre nup - time to make wills as well that would ensure everything goes where he wants (and also, where is fair to you). If the worst was to happen, would you be entitled to stay in your home if it's all in his name? (I'm no lawyer to know!) Would he/his parents want some money to go into trust for your children? If he's going to bring this up, then it's a good time to sort all this financial stuff out in one go.

Mmmmmm......you have been with this guy for 5 years. He should have brought this up before. I would feel very uncomfortable about this. However, I don't know if it would be a deal breaker for me. I've really been thinking about it. Part of me is saying: "stick to your guns and say no to the pre-nup." But then would that mean your wedding was off. The other part of me is saying: "if you are confident in your relationship and this is one thing he is nervous of then sign it and carry on with your life." However, I would not be happy at all!

I own my own flat & am getting ready to buy a nice big house. I am not a millionaire by any stretch of the imagination, but I am in a lucky position for someone of my age. I've worked my a"se off to get this house and I do think I would want clarification that it would remain mine if I was just living with a fella. But I'm not sure I would go as far as a pre-nup. If I was actually getting married it would be a case of: "what's mine is yours...." Oh lordy! I just don't know!!! It's so hard!

Good luck....I don't think I've helped at all!

Part of me can see the benefit of the pre nup in which case everyone knows where they stand. However there would need to be a number of big caveats around it, i.e. children make the agreement null and void, if he cheats (sorry not what you want to hing about prior to getting married) you split things equally, if he just decided he wants out of the marriage down the line it doesnt really seem fair for a pre nup to stand.

My OH and I recently bought a house and he put in at 30% deposits and could pay off the mortgage if he sold another property he owns. We had our lawyer write up a legal contract then that if we broke up he got his deposit back before we split any proceeds, that is what i would expect to happen in the future.

On the other hand you are making a committment until death do us part so why would a pre nup matter?! I would assume both of your wills would leave everything to the other person until children are involved.

I think the only thing in this situation I would agree to sign is the inheritance if it stayed in savings, but mostly the more I thought on it came the question is it worth it?

The fact you have been together 5 years, and lived together 4 if he hasn't thought of this before why now. Though I don't know I believe you might be entitled to money now??

I think you OH was insensitive the way he put it, for him to draw it up and give it to you I would be annoyed, it should be a discussion.

If you are now buying a house together then the house I don't think I would sign a pre-nup on this. Maybe if he owned it outright I would consider it, but otherwise its joint.

Mostly I think pre-nups (unless substantial wealth) complicate it as you then have to think of every eventuality to protect yourself as well as what they are trying to protect.(make sure they cannot kick you out or anything)

If you consider it get your own separate legal advice. After writing this I don't think I would sign a pre-nup with what you have said above.

Ok so he shouldnt have bought it up when he did, he should have maybe even discussed it before you got engaged but having just witnessed my mum and dad splitting up after 26 years of marriage, you never know what can happen....yes its very unromantic to discuss marriage like a business contract but it is a legal document after all and if he feels he has things he needs to protect no matter what then so be it....

i wouldn't be happy to only have it mentioned at this late stage but for me if thats what he wanted then fine...as you said though just make sure its fair and that when children are involved they wouldn't loose out

x

True. But as someone mentioned earlier in the thread, pre-nups aren't legally binding so they don't really offer much protection. I just don't see the point in them.

I can see both sides of the situation, especially because my h2b's parents had a messy divorce, but I am very glad that this conversation has never arisen between us. To me, our marriage is for life and I hope that we both always feel this way. We're both very reasonable people and all joint purchases over the years have always been 50/50 anyway, but I guess this may change in the future if one of us earns more money or we have children. You never know what is going to be around the corner so I think it is best to go into our marriage on an equal footing and trust that we would both behave reasonably and fairly should the worst happen.

In your position I would be feeling a little hurt but would talk to h2b and consider the options together. Will be interested to hear what you decide...

I think I would be very upset by this. I don't know if it's different because both my OH and I have similar backgrounds with similar levels of wealth, but I would find it very distasteful.

Have you discussed money with him before or has this just come out of nowhere? I also don't understand what he gains from you signing one if they are considered void anyway in this country?

This really wouldn't bother me. Remember, if you are sure your marrigae will work, just sign it and get on with things - it will most likely never see the light of day again.

Whether instigated by your partner or his family, I think the idea here is to protect the family's assets if things go pear-shaped. I can't blame them. When relationships break down, the most level-headed woman can turn into a crazy demon.

I think pre-nups are an interesting subject. In our relationship I am the one who has a large inheritance coming and more money around generally and it is something I considered but went against. In my view I am going into to this for the long haul so there is no real point. I'm sure we all think like that though. I know my partner wouldn't try to claim anything that wasn't his anyway as he isn't really interested in money as long as he can get by. I would personally be very hurt if i'd been asked to sign one as it is a trust thing to me. If o/h didn't trust me in that way I wouln't want to marry him. I could understand it if millions were involved and you'd been together for a short time but it just doesn't make sense to me that you would need one.

Btw chickster where abouts in cheltenham are you? I'm in Tewkesbury.

I think pre-nups are an interesting subject. In our relationship I am the one who has a large inheritance coming and more money around generally and it is something I considered but went against. In my view I am going into to this for the long haul so there is no real point. I'm sure we all think like that though. I know my partner wouldn't try to claim anything that wasn't his anyway as he isn't really interested in money as long as he can get by. I would personally be very hurt if i'd been asked to sign one as it is a trust thing to me. If o/h didn't trust me in that way I wouln't want to marry him. I could understand it if millions were involved and you'd been together for a short time but it just doesn't make sense to me that you would need one.

Btw chickster where abouts in cheltenham are you? I'm in Tewkesbury.

I wouldn't be at all impressed with the time he chose to bring the subject up! As for whether I'd sign it I'm honestly not sure.

When OH & I bought our house all the deposit came from him either as equity built up in his flat or as inheritance from his Nan. I had no savings & was trying, unsuccessfully, to sell my flat so had nothing to put in & still don't because I can't sell my flipping flat! His parents insisted that we had an agreement drawn up to protect the deposit that he'd put in & I was really, really hurt that they had suggested it.

I understood why they wanted it - his sister had bought a house with an ex, they split and she ended up having to borrow money to buy him out when he hadn't put any in in the first place but at the same time I was very angry that they had tarred me with the same brush as him.

Spoke to the solicitor while we were buying the house and they quoted a ridiculous amount of money to draw it up & OH's parents refused to let us pay it & said we could do something ourselves.

My Mum wrote it, his Dad pulled it apart & criticised it and changed it then my parents didn't agree with it & refused to let me sign it. Anyway, it's never been signed because I don't really want to and OH doesn't think it's right that they've asked me to sign it but he won't speak up to them about it. They have bought it up a couple of times since but nothing has happened again. I also see little point in signing it because, like a pre-nup, it probably wouldn't stand up in a court of law.

It's a tough one but if you do go ahead I'd recommend you get your own, independent solicitor to review it to make sure you aren't being unfairly treated.