Father Of The bride Speech. HELP !!!

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  • Posted: 20 Sep 2017 20:02

    Father Of The bride Speech. HELP !!!

    Hi,

    I'm not sure if this is the right place to post so apologies up front.

    My daughter is getting married next year and I am so happy for her and her fiancé. The problem is, since her engagement I have not been sleeping at all well as I am wakening up in the middle of the night thinking about the father of the bride speech I will have to make. I am absolutely petrified although I don't know why. I am a man in my early 60's but throughout my working life I never had to make speeches or I avoided them totally. Now I cannot avoid what will happen next year. Some/Most people will think I am just plain stupid but I can only say it is like a phobia some people have with snakes/spiders/flying etc, which I have no problem with. I have even been to a hypnotist for help but unfortunately that has not helped. I am at my wits end as I am supposed to be enjoying the run up to the wedding. Is there anybody out there that can offer me some help/advice to enable me to make even the shortest speech. There must be loads of dads out there feeling the same way.

    Regards,

    Father Of The Bride

  • Posted: 20 Sep 2017 22:46

    Re: Father Of The bride Speech. HELP !!!

    aww!  Public speaking is the number 1 fear so you are not alone.  However, I have seen men succeed who had far more reason to worry than you have:  one Spanish dad who gave his speech in English, a Chinese dad whose son acted as interpreter and an English guy with a terrible stammer who probably wins my award for "most inspirational speech ever"

    If these men battled and won then you can too.  If you have friends who do a lot of public speaking then they could help you.  It doesn't matter what you say - just say it from the heart and you will be fine.  It's not like a job interview! Everyone there wants you to succeed.

    If, by some freak of coincidence, I am your daughter's wedding photographer then I will help you write the speech and practice delivering it!  I used to do a lot of public speaking.

    You can do it!

  • Posted: 21 Sep 2017 9:11

    Re: Father Of The bride Speech. HELP !!!

    Tell her outright you're not doing it.  It's selfish of people to expect others to give a speech when it's not their thing. My father is not good at public speaking and stammers when he's nervous and I would never dream of asking him to do something he's so uncomfortable doing. I'm thinking of doing a speech myself. 

  • Posted: 21 Sep 2017 9:45

    Re: Father Of The bride Speech. HELP !!!

    My dad didn't give a speech at mine, and I never minded. He didn't do a speech at his own wedding and it was always known he wouldn't at mine. What he did do was write something (with my mums help) which he asked one of our best men to read out. That could be an option for you? To my knowledge, nobody commented at all about it.

  • Posted: 21 Sep 2017 10:28

    Re: Father Of The bride Speech. HELP !!!

    Aww bless you. I would suggest taking a few minutes just to put it into perspective that it doesn't have to be a big deal or to be too long. Don't get me wrong I appreciate when someone has a fear of public speaking and I used to myself and have been forced to do them through work and find that they are always not as bad as you were expecting. The key is always to prepare as much as possible which if the wedding is next year, you have plenty of time. 

    At this stage i would focus on writing the speak and getting down everything that you want to say and try not to worry about the delivery of it just yet. Once you have got the speech completed you can keep running through it and eventually it will sink in and you will memorise it. I always find that helps if you have your notes but remember a good chunk of it without having to read it. If that makes sense. 


    If you are still really struggling the suggestion above is a good one of getting a groomsman to read it out, or if you have any other children i.e., siblings of the bride, they could read it and instead of it being a father of the bride speech it can be a family of the bride speech or a parents of the bride speech if you and your wife/ mother of the bride would share the speech. It would be a nice way of giving the mother of the bride an actual role on the day. 

    Another suggestion could be to do it as a video, If you are techy or no someone who is and could help you, you could record your speech in the privacy of your own home and make it into a video and add pictures of you and your daughter throughout her life. That way you can record and re-record until you are happy with it and on the day everyone will be watching the video and not you. I love this idea and it could even be a surprise for your daughter on the day. I'm sure she would appreciate the time, effort and uniqueness of it and it would definitely remove the pressure off you on the lead up and on the day itself. (you would obviously have to check with the venue that they have the equipment to play the video!!).

    All the best

  • Posted: 21 Sep 2017 15:38

    Re: Father Of The bride Speech. HELP !!!

    Hi All,

    Many thanks for your quick replies and your kind thoughts. My wife has already offered to step in "At the last minute" if I am struggling but I feel such a failure as other brides fathers have managed it before me. My daughter knows my fears and actually made a short speech this year on my behalf at a birthday I had. I know nobody really cares but I also know it will be the biggest day of my daughters life and I do not want to disappoint her in any way. Personally, I'd far rather go to the dentist, which I'm sure loads of other people with phobias would run away from. I already have my speech made up [Sorry, I borrowed it from this site and changed the names !!] so I know what I want to say. I also know that it will just be 2 minutes out of the whole day but that 2 minutes seems a lifetime. It's just that I have panic attacks with a year to go and am wakening up in the middle of the night with sweats and my heart racing uncontrollably. As A side issue, I've had this problem for many years and I even made an @r$e of my own wedding speech because I was so nervous.

    Some people can do it standing on their heads...... I just wish I could Sad

     

    Regards,

    F.O.T.B.

  • Posted: 4 Oct 2017 15:18

    Re: Father Of The bride Speech. HELP !!!

    Keep it very short and very simple! I've given a number of speeches in the past, most notably a best man speech at my Brother's wedding last summer. The main thing that you notice in that environment is that everyone is willing you to do well and is 100% behind you. Every person in the room will have your back and will appreciate the kind words and sentiments, no matter how short.

    It doesn't even have to be a full 2 minutes like you've mentioned. I would try to avoid copying speeches directly from an online source (although they can be great for inspiration), and speak honestly and directly to your daughter and her fiancé.

    If you can sum up how you feel in a line or two and are able to congratulate the couple and thank your guests for being there, it will be appreciated and you can feel happy knowing that you had played a part in this moment of your daughter's day.

    I do feel for you though and you clearly care very much, which is amazing! If you are able to let that shine through even just for moment as you speak, you'll be on to a winner. Good luck.

  • Posted: 5 Oct 2017 15:51

    Re: Father Of The bride Speech. HELP !!!

    It's not stupid at all! I completely appreciate how terrifying it can be and why you would be worrying about it already. You obviously care a lot, and don't want to let your daughter down but I really believe that being honest about how you feel would not be letting her down at all and I'm sure she would really appreciate knowing how you feel!

    Perhaps you and the groom could have a chat and you could give him some stories to put into his speech? That's why I'll be doing with mine as my dad isn't in my life so my mum will be giving my fiance some stories. I'm sure your daughter would rather you enjoyed this build up to the wedding than worrying about it.

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