ARRRRRGH!

? I can't think of anything to say to that either!

Oo smacks of they dont trust you to me ?

OMG! I have NO idea what to say to that. A pre-nup over 5%?! My grandad's just given us 25% towards our house and I'd never have even thought of a pre-nup!

What do they want the pre nup to state?

Is there a charge on the property with the Land Registry to state that they own a share? Or in the title deeds?

WTF??! What did you say to that? Can you afford to pay them back the 5% anytime soon so you can tell them to stuff it!!

I'd be very upset if my inlaws said that (not that they'd give us money towards a house in the first place!)

I think basically, they want me to sign something so that I have no claim to his house and they're using their 5% stake into bribing him into making me do this. Essentially, it's a choose us or your wife type ultimatum.

Never mind the fact that I moved in with him because he wasn't willing to do anything differently, so in the 2 years hence, I've bent over backwards (includigon driving over 40 miles, each way, to work every day (when he drives 9). And he's already talked about having joint bank accounts, what's his is mine and vice versa. And what about the fact that if we're lucky enough to have kids he would like me to be a stay at home mum if possible - where would my security be if I've got no means of earning and squirrelling away money for myself.

And what happens if I suddenly win the lottery? Do we then take it to extremes so that's only my money? And what about when, ultimately, I inherit from my parents? Do we set up another agreement then?

I think the whole idea is appalling! I could have bought myself a house over the years but circumstances didn't necessarily transpire. That's not to say I wasn't putting a roof over my head, or that I've given his parents any reason whatsoever to think that I might be after his money. As I pointed out to my MOH, it's not like he's Lord-f**king-Sugar and rolling in it!

What. The. Eff!!!

I'd be LIVID. 5-blimmin'-percent as well?! I'd hope my H would tell them to naff off, they can keep the 5% in their name if they like but *I* AM HIS WIFE!

What does he think about it all? And do they not realise they are potentially going to cause some huge ruckus? I'd not want to talk to my in-laws for a while if they pulled a stunt like that.

I can barely write any more as I'm so angry on your behalf! I don't even know you, so I probably sound like a mental, but that is just such a low thing to do. "We don't trust your future wife and are going to bribe you" is essentially what they're saying.

5%? do you have a garden? I'd corden off a section of it and say "There's your 5%" and to hell with a pre-nup.

It would be different if it had been his idea, but from what you've said, it's clearly not. Who are his parent's to make that kind of suggestion in the first place.

I didn't want to R&R but so stunned all I can manage is Whooa, thats some cheek from his parents. What was your OH reaction, is that what he wants you to do?

Although, are Pre-nups technically legal in this country? I am sure someone who knows more (perhaps CB?) might be about soon.

I hate "pre-nups" with a passion to start with but it certainly seems a very strange thing for them to want to happen for all the reasons already pointed out.

My b2b and her sister took a mortgage and basically 'own' the family home, but neither her new husband (they got married last year) or I have been asked to sign anything to say I have no claim towards it.

Seems very strange to give you 5% of the value of the house as a gift presumably to you both, then ask you to effectively 'give it back' to them.

Your h2b needs to handle this on behalf of the pair of you, as it's his parents, and basically as everyone else has said, tell them where to shove it. Was there any indication when you were given the money that it was a loan rather than a gift, and therefore they have no expdectation to have it back.

I know that none of us go into marriage thinking of how we'll split everything up when we divorce, but I'm just wondering what their motive is to do that now, as it's obviously not something that has 'just happened'.

Surely if they own 5% this is reflected in a deed of trust/declaration of trust that deals with equitable ownership? If this is the case, then there's no need for you to sign a prenup to protect their share. If they don't have such a deed one can be drawn up very easily by a solicitor.

Sorry to hear this has been sprung on you in this manner. This in itself can go against the validity of a prenup in this country.

My jaw just hit the floor! ?

Sorry, I should add that it's his house - he bought it 14 years ago (with his sister and then bought her out when she got married) so the 5% ownership bit predates my being on the scene - not that he hasn't offered to buy them out of this bit before now but they've declined. They just don't want me to have any claim to it if we divorce - I don't want his sodding house, I'd still love him if he were poor, but I don't like the idea that if I sign something now (based on one set of current facts) and our situation changes (ie I give up work to raise our children) then I'm leaving myself vulnerable if he suddenly decided to get rid of me.

It's also just the feeling that they've obviously been thinking about this for ages, whilst being nice to my face (It's my sodding hen do in a few weeks! FFS)

I don't want to go into my married life thinking that I need to squirrel away money for MY insurance policy!!!

How random! If you were to just say no to a pre-nup...what are they going to do about it? Have you thought about selling the house after you get married? You could pay them back with money from the sale and move on with there being anything for them to hold over you. This is what I'd do. A lot of effort but I certainyl wouldn't be playing into their hands. You're going to be a married couple!

If they get funny over it I would get a lot of satisfaction in asking them to work out the following:
How much does his mum earn
How much does his dad earn
What % of the 5% does each of them truly own

...see how they like being treated as individuals rather than as a couple!

It's not THEIR share they're trying to protect. They want to make sure that, in the event of us divorcing, I don't get any of the house so they're bribing OH with the offer of giving him their 5% share to get him to get me to comply.

I'm not a family law expert (hopefully one will come along soon), but prenups aren't automatically considered as valid in this country. More weight has been given to them recently, but the court will still look at the facts of each case when considering a divorce. I imagine children would change matters quite a bit.

My understanding is that for a prenup to have a chance of being held valid in this country, the party being asked to sign it must have plenty of warning before the marriage (basically not forced into it). The court also seems to give weight to whether or not you received independent legal advice at the time. The fact that this is being discussed so soon before the big day should go in your favour should you choose to go through with it.

ETA - I personally think the way in which it's being discussed by his family is appalling. What is your OH's view?

He's previously offered to buy them out of the 5% but they declined, but now they're willing to "Waive" the 5% if you sign a pre-nup? That doesn't even make sense. How much is the 5% equivilant to? I'd be offering to buy them out again seeing as they seem willing to give up their share.

OMG!

Don't know if be more annoyed at the in laws for even thinking of this or more annoyed at H2B for thinking it was acceptable and even mentioning it to me as apposed to telling his parents where to go!

Even still. Being annoyed won't solve it. I'd rather not get married at all as sign a pre nup based on the inlaws 5%!

x

Sorry for being very nosey - but - has your OH been married before? I'm just thinking they may feel a need to be protecting him because something bads happened before. Or perhaps something to one of their other kids, or even one of their "friends friends aunties kid" etc.. * Not that I agree this is right either, but might help understand why it's been brought up now?

I highlighted the above, as this is now how my Mom feels following a very nasty divorce with Dad and she does hide money away from her new husband, again, just in case.

So they're trying to protect their son from losing his house if you divorce in the future? Again, wtf??? Who thinks like that?! Presumably you're paying towards bills / house improvements etc and you class it as your home. Your OH was happy for you to move in there and share the house with him so it's naff all to do with them.

What a horrible thing to bring up so close to your wedding and boo to your OH for even mentioning it to you. He should have told them to get stuffed.

Are you getting married in church? Did they? Perhaps you could remind them of the marriage vows? With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow

Yes, I must admit I was livid with his parents at the idea, but also at him for broaching it with me in such a nonchalant way!

I did point out to him that any kind of contactual discussions should really have been discussed as a pre-cursor to getting engaged, especially when I said "yes" I didn't realise that there would be strings attached.

I did also suggest that, if he doesn't like their proposal (and I think he was suitably swayed by my arguments) then perhaps he should "grow a pair" and stand up to them after 37 years of them thinking they can tell him what to do, otherwise it will just carry on when we get married

Good for you! ?

Nah, we're haviing a civil ceremony. I jokingly suggested to my MOH that perhaps I should wink at his mum if the "for richer, for poorer" bit comes up ?

And no, he hasn't been married before but "loads" of his parents' friends have seen their children lose their worldly possessions as a result of messy divorces - apparently

I would be having several words with boy if he attempted to open such a discussion with me. But previous to that, I'd have expected him to throw the 5% cash at his parents and tell them to eff off. They are trying to buy him and that's dreadful.

They own 5% of your house, that is it. The remaining 95% is owned by your future husband and is his to dispose of entirely as he sees fit, whether to try to leave you high and dry in a divorce or give you everything (although never as cut and dried as that e.g. if you've been paying into the household, albeit not to the mortgage, you may well have a claim on a portion of the house anyway). They can look out for their 5%, everything else is simply none of their business. I would offer to buy them out again (and you might not be able to afford it but wouldn't it be brilliant if YOU offered to buy this 5%) or make a formal document (if it doesn't exist) to outline their ongoing share in the house.

Oh for goodness sake.

Just to throw something into the mix, what would their view be on his estate if something were to happen and you survived him? Or is it only divorce that they are specifically worried about?

And something else, what if you DO divorce and you need a roof over your head to look after their grandchildren properly? And if you husband thought that was the right thing to do? They haven't even considered that he might actually WANT to share with you.

?? He should have been just as disgusted at the proposal as you are! So if you agreed then he'd go along with it??