ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE HELP - parent in law, our wedding weekend structure

It is a tricky one, we had a similar situation ourselves. I wanted to go to the registry office the day before because I really wanted a Humanist Officiant to do the service. However, OH had a change of heart because his Dad really wanted to be there for the official bit, and once one relative wants to show up, it snowballs from there... I have decided to compromise and have a registrar do the ceremony on the actual day instead.

I know you don't want his family at the legal bit, and I totally get that. I argued that the wedding day was about the promises you make to each other and declaring your love to each other, and the legal bit was just the 'compulsory eyes-of-the-law-bit'. When our son was born, everyone was around, we celebrated etc. but no-one was interested in coming along when it came to registering his birth so he was legally recognized as being a member of the population on our planet... yet with the wedding, it all changes!!!

I know you have no choice with having a registrar on your big day, so obviously I have nothing to offer in the way of advice on that bit.

This is clearly very very important to your OH, and all I can say is that you will just have to compromise and allow his parents and sister to come along. In turn, you can suggest that he will have to compromise on:

-no dressing up

-no music

-no rings

-no special readings/vows

to keep it all as plain, quick and simple as possible. After the signing of the register, suggest that you all go your seperate ways and get on with any last min wedding day prep. If it comes to it, maybe a simple, informal pub lunch with all of those involved afterwards may be enough to suffice. Enhance the importance to everyone that the legal but is to be kept low key and you really don't want any fuss about it all.

Don't worry about it taking away from your Saturday, after all, you will have all of the other guests and your family there seeing it all for the first time, and no doubt the atmosphere of excitement, anticipation and amazement of your day will rub off on his parents. HTH and all the best.

I think I'd switch the registry office bit to the Monday afterwards.

That way, you get what you want - the Saturday is the big event that everyone focuses on, as it comes first.

Then your OH gets what he wants - the Monday after let him bring as many family as he wants to the registry office to make it 'official', but you're not put out as you've already had your day. Also, it would probably help you keep your wedding 'high' that much longer, looking forward to the registry office on Monday.

Wouldn't that solve the issue?

I bet a Monday morning isn't too popular for weddings, so the registry office is bound to have slots available, even at this late stage....

Hello

I am in a very similar situation, although we are having the legal ceremony in the UK as we cannot legally get married in France (where our wedding is). I was of the mindset that we get 2 people off the street to be our witnesses for the legal part and that would be that. To us it is just a paperwork exercise, like giving notice to marry.

However, MIL to be was adamant she wanted to be at the legal ceremony. I have agreed - it is her son getting married and if it means a lot for her to be there then I feel like I shouldn't stand in the way of that.

For the legal ceremony we have booked we are only allowed 2 witnesses. Have you booked the Friday ceremony yet? Our registry office only offer the 'standard' 2 witness ceremony on a Mon, tues or thurs morning at 9.45! So we have opted for a Monday in July when his parents are visiting (as they live in France) otherwise it would have meant another trip over to the UK for a 10 minute ceremony. Our actual wedding is in September. We might go for some brunch after but that will be about it.

We wont be getting dressed up, exchanging rings and will be walking in together. However, my OH is in the same mindset as me, and does not want to mark the occasion or celebrate - as to us the occasion is not until September. If the legal part meant a lot to my OH and his family I guess I might feel differently, I'm not sure. Maybe just try to keep in mind, his family want to be there to celebrate with you and share the happy occasion.

If his family do want to go for a meal or something afterwards to mark the occasion, could you make it a pre-wedding meal, a bit like a rehearsal dinner type thing rather than celebrating your marriage?

This will not be the case at all - on the day all of your friends and family will be there to witness you say your vows to one another. On the day you wont notice anyone else during the ceremony than your hubby to be - and this is the most important thing.

I know very little about Indian weddings, but I do know my friend attended one last year and it literally went on for days. I do not think having the celebrations spread out over 2 days will make the 2nd day any less special for you both. I seem to have rambled on here and not sure if any of what I have said is helpful!! I am sure you will have an amazing time x

I think there may be a simple solution to this. Usually, there's a cheap, eg £75 option for this kind of "get the paperwork done" wedding. Those weddings only allow 2 witnesses to be present. I think you need to speak to the register office staff and ensure you have booked this type of service. If you are limited to 2 witnesses then they can be his parents. I think you need to stress you're going in your jeans and then going shopping afterwards, so there's really nothing to "celebrate" on the Friday.