Speech by Trisha Telfer

Speech Type: Maid of honour/Best woman
Speech Creator: Trisha Telfer
Speech Date: 29/08/2013 23:07:20

Maid of Honour Speech

Before I start, I would like to say Patrice, you look absolutely beautiful, and Matthew you look great too. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Patrice's twin sister.

I will be honest with you all – I only started writing this speech properly about a week ago. I have absolutely no excuse, as I have had the job of maid of honour assigned to me since birth. When you share a womb with someone, I think it just goes without saying that you'll be giving a toast at their wedding!

But since Patrice got engaged, she has said very little on the subject on me giving a speech. She always held the opinion ‘oh well… it's up to you. You don't have to if you are uncomfortable’… and was always very vague about it.  THEN it dawned on me. I am the one person who knows every single embarrassing story about her, since the day she was born. Who better to share all her secrets?

Only, I googled maid of honour speeches… and realised that I'm not supposed to share any of that… that's reserved for the best man's speech. I'm supposed to be sweet and lovely and emotional. So I won't tell you about all of the hilarious stories that would leave her with a red face… If you want to hear those, come and see me later 😉

It's very easy for me to be sweet and lovely about Patrice and Matthew. From the start, I knew that this one was going to be different. They seemed to just click from the very beginning. Their first date was actually helped along the way a little from some people who I promised I'd give a shoutout to if they ever got married – so I'd like to acknowledge Scott, The Wark Boys, Sheila and myself as the main reason you are here getting married today. You're welcome.

So another reason I knew Patrice and Matthew were going to last, is because of her past experience with boys. Looking at Patrice, you can tell why she's had her fair share of male admirers in the past. Don't worry Matthew, none of these guys came close to you. Anyway, any time Patrice would get a few months into a relationship, she would suddenly be repulsed by something about the boy.

 It could be anything from a pair of shoes to a mole on his eyebrow, but as soon as she'd noticed, she could no longer be with the boy and would find a way to break it off.  When she got past a few months with Matthew and didn't have any complaints… I knew something was going well. Just be warned – if any items of clothing mysteriously go missing… it's because Patrice hates it and has hidden it, binned it, or cut it up with a pair of scissors. (All have been done in the past!)

So those of you who know Patrice know that as lovely as she is, she can be high maintenance at times, and likes to do things a certain way. Matthew accepted this right away, and even adopted some of her ways. Patrice sleeps more than anyone I know – she loves taking a nap, and when she used to come and visit me in Glasgow I would often find her in my bed after I came back from the bathroom with the lights off, with the order to ‘be quiet because she was sleeping’. How anyone could fall asleep in 50 seconds is beyond me. But then Matthew came on the scene. They would come round for dinner, and when I got back from the kitchen they'd be on the couch with the TV off, light off and I'd be kicked out of my own living room! If I protested I'd be faced with a mouthful of cheek!

He embraced her love of irn bru, jelly bellies and pringles, dealt with her many, many, night-shift stresses at the hospital, taught her Spanish, matched his tie perfectly to her dress at different events, acted as her personal photographer when she demanded every photo wasn't a nice one and let her think she was right in so many situations where she wasn't.  He even sat through 85 minutes of The Babysitter's Club, because Patrice had insisted it was a classic… only to realise she had been thinking of The Breakfast Club!

Most of all though, he has loved her the way she deserves to be loved, and realises how special she is. When she is with him, there is no denying that she is blissfully happy.

Patrice, I'm so glad to have been your maid of honour. Thanks for letting me be part of your big day and help to plan it all – we've had so much fun! It was always going to be hard watching my twin get married but it's also been wonderful, and I couldn't be happier for you both. We might have a different surname now, but you'll always be my twin & my best friend. I know that this is the start of a wonderful journey for you both.

Let's raise a glass to the bride and groom – May they have a long and happy life together.

(Toast) To Patrice and Matthew!