Ladies and Gentlemen
Most fathers who have a daughter dream of the day that she marries , when she is looking beautiful in her wedding dress and she walks down the aisle on his arm and he gently gives her to the man of her choosing. Everything is fine up to this point when he has to stand on his hind legs and speak to a lot of people, many of whom are complete strangers.
I worried about this, would I make a fool of myself, say the wrong thing or just be completely boring. Ladies and Gentlemen, I have taken precautions against this by acquiring the Clatworthy family brain cell. I asked for some assistance on what I should say and was told to be serious and amusing, presumably both at the same time.
My first thought was just to tell a few bride & groom type jokes, propose the toast and sit down. This was rejected out of hand so here I am wondering what or what not to say.
First I would like to welcome everybody here to-day to join Julia and Graham on this special day, I know some people have travelled quite some distance but I know you will have found it very worthwhile. Secondly I would like to thank Julia and Graham for organising such a splendid occasion. I know that an awful lot of time and effort has gone into the planning and I am sure you will agree that it is tremendous success and that they are to be congratulated.
About two and a half years ago Julia, was living and working in Hertfordshire. She had a nice home and a good job. Within the space of about six weeks things went dramatically wrong and she lost her home and her job was made redundant. She came home to the bosom of her family. One evening, her brother, in an effort to lift her spirits, took her to a local night club and who should be there but Edge. They hit it off and have been together happily since.
I tried to find out something of Grahams background but every time I approached John and Sheila, they went very pale, started stuttering, and made excuses. I tried to insist but when they started holding crucifixes and wooden stakes in my direction I thought enough is enough. I decided to try the age old method of taking people as you find them. Well Ladies and Gentlemen I have to tell you that I would take this young man ANYTIME, ANY PLACE, ANYWHERE. I think he’s great. He is attentive, caring, loving (not with me ), hard working , intelligent, informed on most subjects except football, he supports Everton, and he is one of the most practical people I have ever met. I know that, rightfully, John and Sheila are very proud of him. I am very pleased and proud to welcome him as a son in law.
I know that Julia & Graham hope to start a family as soon as possible and this reminded me of the great comedian Les Dawson when talking about his marriage said “ We hadn’t been married long when we heard the pitter patter of tiny feet – The mother in law was a midget.” Clearly, in this case neither of the mothers in law could be described in this way so lets hope that when we hear the pitter patter of tiny feet it is the genuine article.
It is now my pleasant duty to propose a toast to the happy couple. I know you all join me in wishing them a long and happy life together. Ladies and Gentlemen please charge your glasses and join in the toast to the happy couple JULIA and GRAHAM.