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moonpie1985
Beginner July 2012

Worried about lack of friends to invite to wedding

moonpie1985, 17 of May of 2011 at 21:24 Posted on Planning 0 27

So we are planning our 2012 wedding now (hope to set the date tomorrow with the vicar)

We have been working on our guestlist and so far have got up to approx 65 people we would want to invite.

This includes 12 of my family and 16 of his family.

The rest being friends.

Doesnt seem like much though, and with some living abroad, we may not have many coming to the day! Smiley sad

We didnt go to University, so all of our friends are old school friends really, and don't work at places where you would nessecarily meet friends.

I sometimes feel a bit down in the dumps, although in day to day life, I never feel short of friends at all.

Why does planning a wedding make me feel like this?

I keep hearing of people having weddings for upwards of 200 or even 300 guests, and I couldn't even imagine knowing that many people!

27 replies

Latest activity by Lillibet, 18 of May of 2011 at 11:00
  • jojo2
    Beginner June 2012
    jojo2 ·
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    I don't think your numbers are that low. We are only having approx 50 to the day and another 35 in the evening. Like you I have family, a few very good friends and a few more aquaintances plus OH family have to travel from Oz so are not all definately coming. Whatever happens the people closest to you will be there and it will still be a perfect day. If I knew 300 people I probably still wouldn't have them all there anyway but thats just me!

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  • J
    Beginner August 2011
    jsmout ·
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    Dont worry, im the same, i have: (on my side)

    about 25 family members (about 10 are kids) and 2 friends.

    I felt the same as you, but then i thought, as long as the main people are there, im not bothered.

    As i started planning, i realised i didnt want the hasske of lots of guests.xxxxx

    As long as you and the groom is there, thats the main thing xxx

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  • moonpie1985
    Beginner July 2012
    moonpie1985 ·
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    Thanks ladies. I knew I could count on you to make me feel better

    Smiley laugh

    xx

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  • R
    Beginner
    rachb3 ·
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    We have more family than friends! There are quite a few of our my parents friends that I love to bits as I grew up with them that we are inviting as they have played quite a big part in my life. We have a group of close friends coming, but I thought the the same as you (whether we should perhaps have more friends) just the other day.x

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  • R
    Beginner
    rachb3 ·
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    We have more family than friends! There are quite a few of our my parents friends that I love to bits as I grew up with them that we are inviting as they have played quite a big part in my life. We have a group of close friends coming, but I thought the the same as you (whether we should perhaps have more friends) just the other day.x

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  • FutureMrsRon
    Beginner February 2012
    FutureMrsRon ·
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    Most of our guest list is family, my mum is one of 5, 3 of which have also had 5 kids each (only one 'set' of 5 kids are all old enough to be invited), and my dad is one of 3.

    I've got my friends from Uni, OH has got his friends from Uni and from where he grew up - I haven't really stayed in touch with people from school so don't have them to invite. I have 2 jobs so 2 lots of people that may or may not be invited, depending on the numbers - sometimes I wish I had far fewer possibles, it would make life so much easier!!!

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  • ~
    Beginner
    ~Alex~ ·
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    Oh I feel exactly the same way and have been so worried about it. I keep hearing from friends "Don't worry if I don't make it on your invite list, I understand how hard it is to keep the numbers down". We're struggling to make it to 70 all in at the moment!

    A good friend of mine is having his wedding this year and when I asked him how many he was having, he said his initial list was 140 and he'd struggled to keep that down. Then I found out that was only his half not including her invites!

    Between us both, we have 12 family members coming. And that's not because we're not inviting other relatives, that's just all we have! Both our families had a history of not marrying/not having kids about 2 generations ago. And I've just had 2 of my Aunts pass away last weekend!

    We're looking at a venue that has a minimum number of 100 and we're struggling to fill it with people we are close to. We are both close to the little family we have left and both have good social lives, but they are limited to a close group of people.

    I feel bad for complaining, lots of people have family feuds over who to invite and not to invite, but we are both worried our evening reception will be a bit dull with the shortage of numbers.

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  • Mellow_Yellow
    Beginner May 2012
    Mellow_Yellow ·
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    We're only having 50 to the day time, including the bridal party. However, we're inviting about another fifty in the evening, but estimating that only 30 will accept; so 50 daytime, 80 evening.

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  • C
    Beginner June 2013
    Cajy ·
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    Our wedding will only be about 30 people Smiley smile Imo, it's not the number that matters, but who are there.

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  • ajdown
    VIP September 2011
    ajdown ·
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    You probably have more friends than I do - and most of my friends are around the world, online, who I've met in various ways but are unable to come to the wedding because of the cost of getting here.

    We've got 55 for the afternoon and 120 for the evening, which includes a lot of work colleagues for example.

    Don't panic - you'll be fine.

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  • Blonde Viki
    Beginner July 2012
    Blonde Viki ·
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    Don't worry about this!

    Honestly, 65 people is a good amount! Better to be surrounded by people you care about and can have a decent conversation with and a laugh and enjoy yourself, then to invite people you are less close to just to make up numbers!

    I'm only inviting about 60 total to my wedding too. Between us we 'know' a few more people but not well enough to share our big day with them.

    My friend just got married and there were 57 adult guests in total who could come and it was lovely, everyone got on really well and it was a really fun evening.

    I think when it comes to the invites, it can make you have a look at your life in so far as you can evaluate it through the connections you have made and the friends you have and I went through a period of feeling like a right sad sack because I probably only have about 10 close friends but then I remembered why they are my friends and I value them and why I'll be happy just because they will be there.

    Some people do have big numbers of friends and family, others don't. Neither's better, just different. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time at your wedding whether there are 10 people there or 100 Smiley smile

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  • FutureMrsRon
    Beginner February 2012
    FutureMrsRon ·
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    View quoted message

    This is a hugely important sentence in your OP - didn't read it carefully enough before!!

    You have enough friends, and they are the people who will be with you on the day to see you marry your boy, to laugh and cry with you, and to have a stonking good knees up with you!! I don't know what you're like with your friends but to be honest, as long as there's at least one of my girls near me I know I'll have an absolutely amazing time!!

    I used to worry that I don't have very many friends that are nearby to me anymore, my girls from Uni are all spread out, and I only really have one very close girlfriend near home, but I don't really need anyone else - I have so much fun with her whenever I see her so who needs anyone else! OH has a solid little group of blokes who he goes to watch football with etc, but it's only really 3 or 4 that he'd say he's particularly close to.

    I'm a big believer in quality, not quantity when it comes to friends - I'm sure you'll have an amazing day because you'll actually get to spend time with everyone on the day!!

    xxx

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  • Saisi
    Beginner June 2011
    Saisi ·
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    I think in many, many cases where people are having hundreds of guests, it is family and parents causing the large guest list.

    My mum is one of 5, and on H2B's side his mum is one of 4 and his dad is one of 6. All these people are married/partnered, AND with kids... so it expands.

    We have 100 coming to the day, and 18 are friends (plus 3 are bringing partners). The evening however, which is when we are having our wedding breakfast, is a different matter. The day people will all still be there along with an extra 100, and of this extra 100 only 3 are friends (1 is bringing a partner). So in total, 25 out of 200 guests are friends. The rest are all family or close family friends, i.e. friends of parents rather than ones we've chosen ourselves IYSWIM.

    I invited one girl and her boyfriend (who we've met and get on very well with) for the day, and she said recently that she was surprised to have been included. She meant it in a nice way of course but it did make me feel like we'd invited friends for the sake of expanding our numbers or something, which is completely not the case.

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  • D
    Beginner February 2012
    Dani1984 ·
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    Hi

    for my day i may have about 46 including bridal party, of this 3 are my friends each with partners and 3 children the rest are parents, siblings and aunts and uncles and just 3 cousins, i think if it important that you have the people that you want to be there

    in the evening there is about 170 extra coming, this is the rest of family my dad is one of five and his cousins are set of six siblings! so lots of cousins and second cousins etc then all work colleagues and neighbours etc! i may cut down closer to the time but i expect the evening guests are likely not to all turn up so not worrying too much

    if those 65 are the top of your list then they are who will be important for you both

    xxx

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  • Duckford20
    Beginner April 2012
    Duckford20 ·
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    Your numbers sound like a normal amount to me. Thinking about it, how lovely is it going to be to talk to every guest at your wedding instead of making small talk with 200 people and not talking to your close family and friends.

    We have similar numbers but I refuse to pay for people to come to our wedding, eat our food and then only speak to once a year! As already said - it is quality not quantity!

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  • K
    Beginner October 2011
    karen945 ·
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    Dont worry aboutwhat other people think. Its your day, your way.

    We're having approximately 70 people for the whole ceremony and wedding breakfast, and have invited approximately 40 other friends to come to the ceremony then return for celebratory drinks after the meal.

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  • leni-lw!
    Beginner November 2011
    leni-lw! ·
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    We've 68 on the list but my mum's like u can only have 60 i got 4 peeps on it who i dont want them to be there- but mum is jut being spiteful in having these 4 cos it means 4 of my friends less - and my friends are THE one's i want to be there.. ☹️

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  • Purple Pixie
    Beginner July 2012
    Purple Pixie ·
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    You sound like little miss popular compared to me. I've got exactly 5 friends coming to my wedding, plus the husband of one of them.

    I lost the huge group of friends I used to have a few years ago when my ex decided to spread some nasty lies about me. You know how people love to believe gossip and I was so upset at the time that I didn't have it in me to get out there and put things straight.

    If you can say that you don't generally ever feel lonely then you're in a great position (and certainly in a much better place than me)

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  • Vikster79
    Beginner July 2011
    Vikster79 ·
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    I did worry about this initially but its quality not quantity my dear ? We have 43 (45 including us) for the daytime and a further 42 for the evening. So will be under 90. I think its a nice number and as others have said you will have time to speak to all the people instead of a just a quick glance over when you can.

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  • Sherrie H
    Beginner
    Sherrie H ·
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    Your numbers sound fine and about average for most weddings.

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  • lovelygirl
    Beginner August 2011
    lovelygirl ·
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    Ok I am having 50 guests could have had upwards of 100 in our venue but we only wanted the people that really mattered to us at the wedding. I have done two degrees at two different universities and i can still count my true friends on two hands.

    I have a friend who is getting married 3 weeks before me and she is having 180 to the day and 250 to the evening - which to me is utter madness but everyone is different

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  • GeordieBarbie
    Beginner May 2010
    GeordieBarbie ·
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    Sounds a pefect number to me! Exactly what we had. 65 to the whole day, no extra evening guests. We went for the if we like you to invite you to the wedding, come to the whole thing!

    Immediate family for us was about 14, there was about 10 or so family friends type people and the rest were mates.

    Invite who is important to you. A smaller number makes for a much more social and intimate day. I wouldn't have changed it at all.

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  • Panjita
    Beginner May 2011
    Panjita ·
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    We've got 100 in the day but the vast majority of them are family. We both come from large families.

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  • L
    Beginner August 2012
    Lillibet ·
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    Its quality, not quantity that matters ?

    I don't have as many friends as OH, so when you put it down on paper with his friends on his side I feel the same as you! But in reality, I get along with all his friends, and in some cases would also now consider them friends of my own as well.

    People who have 2-300 guests, I'm sure that the majority will be family rather than friends - I don't even see how its possible to have enough time for that many friends hehe.

    Your number sounds perfect! We're having 120, but we both feel its too many. Unfortunately theres no way around it as a lot of it is family, who we've either been told or we feel we must invite...

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