Family issues

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  • Posted: 16 May 2019 17:04

    Family issues

    Hi All,

    I'm new to this site but thought it might be a good place to get some advice....

    I'm getting married in 2 months, myself and my partner are planning and paying for everything ourselves. Due to this, we have kept the wedding small to just closest friends and family. 

    The issue is my mum, she is absolutely fuming with me for not inviting my entire family (there are about 20 on my side, mainly cousins) We decided the fairest way was to invite grandparents, aunts and uncles and then say that anyone else was welcome but they would need to pay for the places (ie, their children)

    My mum has gone absolutely ballistic about this and is now refusing to come to the wedding and says that none of my family will be there as everyone is so annoyed at me for not inviting everyone. I don't actually have communication with any of these family members and haven't seen them in years so this info has only been relayed via my mum.

    I am beyond upset and this has put a massive cloud over the wedding. This actually happened a few weeks ago so I don't think it's a case of it getting better over time. I've become ill from the stress of knowing my mum won't be by my side on the big day (I have told her this)

    Has anyone else had anything like this? Surely if you are paying then it's your say who attends? We want our closest friends there, not our long lost cousins who I haven't seen in 15 years!! 

    Any advice appreciated, I've been in tears and don't know what to do. We really don't want to get in loads of debt by inviting every person we know!

    Thank you x

  • Posted: 17 May 2019 9:27

    Re: Family issues

    Try not to get too upset about it all. Your mum is not going to miss her own daughter’s wedding. She’ll just be saying that in the heat of the moment. If she continues to say it then you need to ask yourself if you really want her there anyway. 

  • Posted: 17 May 2019 22:56

    Re: Family issues

    Her demand is not correct.  She's trying to abide by the old tradition of the brides parents issuing the invites and deciding who comes.  But that tradition only applied in the old days because the brides parents paid for the wedding.

    She can't have the old tradition when she's not paying for the wedding!  When a member of my husbands family tried to manipulate our guest list I just said "What a shame, we'll miss her" and never discussed it again.  Guess who turned up on the day?!!

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