Hey
Me and my fiance have been together for five years. We met at a rock climbing competition when I was 18 and he was 17. We had a long distance relationship for about a year and then went to the same college and we're still together 5 awesome years later. I love him so much. We're both pretty introverted people, we have close friends, but we're not the most out going. It has brought us closer together because despite our shyness, we're both really adventurous and we've taken on a lot. We both dropped out of college work crappy jobs along side our sponsored climbing jobs then we save it all up and go mountain climbing around the world. We travel around for competitions and we're constantly looking for the newest adventure to take.
I'm 23 and he's 22. We recently decided to get married. We have a sponsored mountain climb in India in December and when we reach the top, we're going to tie the knot. We're doing it with three other people. One has been ordained as a minister for it.
This is perfect for us. We're in the environment we love the most doing something we absolutely adore. We can't really think of a better place to get married. We don't want to be in front of a crowd (we are admittedly shy and introverted) and there will only be 5 of us and they'll all being doing jobs (minister, photographs and making sure we aren't going to die) and that's perfect. Obviously there will be no pretentious dresses and or suits, I've never worn a dress by choice in my life and haven't worn one over age 5. My fiance doesn't like dressing in suits and he's much the same as me and it was both our idea to do it this way. In a way it was a very arbitrary decision. Marriage is what it's all about, not the wedding. I think weddings are kinda pointless and laughably over planned to the extent that it just deviates from the point. It's like an excuse for attention rather than the beginning of a life together and this wedding isn't a big deal to us. If anything it's a parody of a wedding, yet it's still something we'll look back on and enjoy after a long time of being a committed couple.
Simple, right? Sure, with his parents who are okay with it and just want a couple of nice photos.... not so much with mine.
My parents only had me. They had me late late and my mom is 65 and dad 67. I'm a year younger than my oldest niece. My family don't like my lifestyle and although they're polite to my fiance, they don't like him much. My mom and aunts were saying that they thought once I'm an adult and I meet a guy, I'll become more normal and they think that he's keeping me this way. She was always disappointed that I'm not a girly girl and she wasn't too happy about our plans when I announced them. It started out with the silent treatment which I didn't understand. It wasn't until my family started heaping on that she started telling me how she really feels.
She's angry and upset that her only daughter is getting married and that she or the family isn't going to be there. It's also given my fiance a worse reputation with my family too. She's upset that she doesn't get to go out shopping for dresses or help plan the wedding and doesn't get to see me go through some stupid ceremony. She wants to make table plans and watch me try on dresses. Going through my wedding albums and basically doing all this family stuff. I've had a phone call from nearly every single family member I have telling me how selfish I am, how I'm not thinking of the family. Telling me it's a stupid idea and asking "How come you can't just be normal for once?!". Telling me that a wedding is a family event and getting all personal, as though they're not invited because there's something wrong with me. They're calling me immature and saying I need to grow up. Apparently life isn't about travelling around climbing and it's about responsibility and hard work. They're saying that I need to move on, go back to college and get a real job. It's getting to be more than about the wedding.
They don't seem to realize that I don't want any of that. I hate dresses and make-up. When was the last time you saw me wearing either, mom? Bridesmaids? I have 2 female friends, and even they aren't close enough friends to be bridesmaids. All my close friends are male. Planning a wedding? Buying dresses? C'mon... Can you see me going through one of those ego fests?
Not to mention my babe and his family. I feel bad because this was supposed to just be a simple thing and they don't deserve any of this.
I was expecting a lot of laughter between the 5 of us during the whole thing. The guy who has been ordained is one of the funniest people I know. I'd be really disappointed if he didn't make the whole thing a third mountain climb/wedding/comedy act. Wouldn't want some humorless priest making a big sentimental deal out of it. It's our wedding, we should be having fun, right?
I need your help - There're three questions:
#1 - There must be people on here who have had ideas for weddings that haven't gone over well with the family. Maybe not the same as mine, but is there anything that you can tell me to help? Is there any way of appeasing them? Getting them to come around to our plans?
#2 - How come this is such a big deal? The fact is - I'M HAPPY! I don't take weddings seriously, like I said, I think they're over planned and ridiculous and that's just not me. I enjoy a quiet life and pursuing my passion. My fiance is my partner, we don't need a ridiculous wedding to prove we love each other. The things we've done over the past five years is enough proof that we're ready to make this commitment. Why is it such a big deal and why go to this level of insanity over it? Why do people care?
#3 - Should we just run and do it anyway? I still love my family, but I don't think they have the right to do this. I think I'll say that we'll do the wedding normally and then just get married on the damn mountain and then tell them after.
I don't know where to turn. My fiance's head must be ready to explode. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want a regular wedding, but he said that he's so desperate for my family to not hate him that he doesn't want to give them some ammo against him. He's sticking up for me, but he's really trying hard to be diplomatic about it and not as assertive as me. I just need some advice. I don't know why this forum. It's wedding related, I typed in wedding forum and I found this place.
Anything?
