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Not feeling any wedding excitement at all

AutumnAir1, 12 of March of 2019 at 23:22 Posted on Planning 0 4

We're in the preliminary stages of planning our wedding and I'm struggling to find any motivation to do it. I just want the marriage with my lovely other half. I have no interest in planning a wedding.

I hate being centre of attention, I don't ''do" dressing up and I can't bear the thought of putting myself into debt (after spending most of my life trying to get out of it) so my friends and family can have a meal and a pissup.

My fiancé has a huge family and friendship group too, I don't. There are 80 people on the guestlist for the ceremony already and I'd only be able to pick 20 of them out of a line up. Eloping isn't an option as the close friends and family I do have, I want to be there.

I don't even know what advice I need, I just wanted to vent!

Everyone looks horrified when you say you're hugely disliking wedding planning, as if it somehow has relevance to the health of your relationship. My sister-in-law to be offered to help with planning and for us to go to a wedding fair. Which is lovely of her, but I don't want to wander round pretending my £3k budget will run to anything these companies are offering.

Honestly feeling like cancelling the whole thing at the moment.

4 replies

Latest activity by HollyHavisham, 7 of April of 2019 at 18:50
  • H
    Expert September 2019
    Have_you_met_Mrs_Jones2019 ·
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    Aww, I'm so sorry you feel this way!

    Why don't you have a proper sit down chat with your fiancé and tell him exactly how you feel. Maybe agree to cut the guest list right down in the day, and invite everyone else to the evening? In all honesty, I totally get where you're coming from - I always wanted the big white wedding, but now that it's actually come down to it, I wish we were having a much smaller day part at least. We originally planned for about 60 day guests, but that has now spiralled up to 90.

    Seriously - have the talk now, it's your day too, and you need to be happy. X

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  • E
    Beginner July 2021
    emily00 ·
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    I'm similar..

    I wanted to elope but that was a no go due to family size and disappointing everyone. Now we've booked our venue which I do love and photographer but I'm not at all excited.

    Everyone else cant wait for the day but I just want to forget about it. My maid of honour is flying back from travelling just to go dress shopping but I'm dreading it.

    Cant stand being center of attention either, I'm probably going to spend the whole day stressed and go to bed early.

    We have just had a very close family bereavement so that's made me feel even worse about the whole thing.

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  • M
    Beginner April 2019
    Melyn ·
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    Talk to your fiance, at the end of the day the day needs to suit you both. My partner wanted a wedding with everyone there in some fancy place, so we compromised and only have 36 adult guests and 8 children in a nice place which cost £2000 as a base price for the meal for 40 people, welcome drinks, 4 rooms etc. There are some fantastic places which can fit your budget.. I stayed well away from wedding fayres, I noticed the quotes they gave there were more than if I called them up. There's nothing wrong with getting married in a registry office with yoyr nearest and dearest, then having a party where everybody can attend.. You don't want to go looking for places and prices if it's not what you want. Good luck xx

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  • L
    Beginner
    LuxuriousRedHair350 ·
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    I think what you’re feeling is not at all uncommon. Anecdotally it seems like far less people enjoy planning a wedding than those that enjoy it.

    I think you need to remind yourself that you’re in control. It doesn’t sound like you fancy the wedding fair so just decline politely.

    There’s no template you need to conform to. Have a very simple wedding if that is what your choice is. No one can force you to do anything you don’t want to do.

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  • H
    Beginner March 2020
    HollyHavisham ·
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    I can completely sympathise with you!

    When I first got engaged I was so excited, but then as we have had a long engagement the thought of wedding planning made me want to cry. Any time I started researching anything I just felt like I was going to have a panic attack.

    Like you, I don't have a big family at all or a large friendship group, and almost all of my family members who are coming are being very, very difficult.

    I don't have much advice to give but just know you're not alone in feeling this way - my wedding is a year away now and I'm only just able to sit down and plan it, but it is stressful and a lot of the time it isn't fun- it's tedious and anxiety-inducing.

    My advice for your budget is really just do lots of research - quite often things you think are going to be really expensive aren't actually that bad. Also, write down the top three things that are a priority to you and your fiance, be it photography, food, dress, music etc and focus on those things and everything else can be done as and when you need to do it, on whatever budget. I know how easy it is to get sucked into buying loads of crap you don't actually need or want, just because it's a 'wedding' and therefore should be THE most expensive day of your life.

    Hope this helps a little

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