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Beginner August 2015

stress

ExpensivePurpleDiamonds54, 25 of January of 2014 at 08:17 Posted on Planning 0 7

Hi girls, this is my first post on this website, but I feel I need to get some things of my chest. 5 weeks ago my father passed away and then on new years day my oh proposed. As much as I am excited understandably I am still grieving so I am all over the place really. Part of me thought that throwing myself into planning a wedding would take my mind of everything but to be honest it's causing me nothing but stress. I have four amazing friends, two of them are my best friends, anyways I always thought that I would have them as my maid of honours but the last week or so one of them just hasn't really bothered even though she knows what a tough time I am going through grieving. Part of me then thought maybe I will just have the other one because she has always been there but I know if I choose her then the other one will be really upset because she has been there for me in the past quite a bit. Then I thought to myself maybe I just won't have one at all because I can't be bothered with the stress of it all and just have my cousin as bridesmaid, ask the mate that's been there for me to read something out for me in my service and ask all the four girls I am mates with to plan my hen do but when I kind of hinted to my friend she kind of went of a bit saying she doesn't mind, she would be honoured to read something out but I should have a maid of honour and choose a mate that has always been there (ie: her) so then I have spent all night thinking about it. To be honest I am starting to dread my wedding because of this but I don't know if it's stressing me out more purely because I am grieving and not in a good place I am getting to a point where I don't care about making any plans because I don't want any more stress. Sorry for the rant I just wanted to talk to people outside of my family and friends.

7 replies

Latest activity by ExpensivePurpleDiamonds54, 26 of January of 2014 at 00:00
  • S
    Beginner April 2014
    Strawberryshoelaces ·
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    First of all I'm sorry for your loss. I think before you do any wedding planning you need to give yourself time to grieve. Making big decisions for your wedding can be difficult and you don't want to make decisions you may regret later on. Give yourself time and when your ready you can think clearly about who you really want to be with you on the big day. x

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  • Holey
    Beginner July 2011
    Holey ·
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    Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss. x

    My only piece of advice is to leave the wedding planning for now. It seems to be too much for you to take on when you're feeling fragile anyway. When you start to feel a bit better then come back to it.

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  • FHB
    Beginner March 2014
    FHB ·
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    I don't think you should distract yourself from grieving, it's an important part of the process of coming to terms with such a big loss. If you put it off, it will just eventually catch up with you when you least expect (or want) it. Wedding planning is stressful enough, the last thing you want is to have a breakdown nearer your big special day. I think you should take time for yourself at the moment, and forget everything everyone has said about the day...and start fresh when the time is right.

    xx

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  • *Pugsley*
    Beginner March 2014
    *Pugsley* ·
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    Exactly this.

    Im so sorry to hear of your loss.

    Take time out to grieve, take as much time as you want or need.

    IMO it's not good to bottle things up or hide them by doing other things. Just as you have said, it causes more stress in the long run.

    *hugs*

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  • H
    Beginner August 2014
    H3LEN ·
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    I'm really sorry about your dad.

    Like everyone here has said don't throw yourself into planning a wedding. Take time to grieve, I lost my best friend last year (I know it's not the same as a dad) and didn't want to talk or look about weddings. I promise you though it does come back. I lost her in June and only really now started to get to grips with planning. Ordered my dress last weekend get married in August. The shock on the ladies face in the shop was priceless when I told her when it was.

    The main thing is take time to grieve you will know when your in a place to start planning again. Your friend who seems not interested might think you should tale a bit more time but doesn't want to say incase she upsets you further.

    xx

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  • goldpants
    Beginner May 2014
    goldpants ·
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    I'm really sorry to read about your loss hun, big hugs.

    I'm sure if you speak to your Oh he will probably be expecting that talk regarding when to get married. Most likely he has been planning his new years day proposal for some time - and when your father passed away he probably questioned whether he should go ahead and ask fearing your current mindset.

    My oh proposed the week after my grandads funeral, he had asked family months earlier before ring shopping, and when gdad passed he wasnt sure whether to go ahaed. My family all agreed it would lift everybodys spirits to have good news.

    Wedding planning is a stressful thing, I won't lie, it consumes your life for that period of time. But it also is a great project to through yourself into when ready.

    It sounds to me like you know the timing isn't right yet, you need a strong backbone to deal with your naughty bridesmaids or else each roadblock will make you crumble.

    I think you should take your time to grieve, and enjoy your oh's company as your husband to be which will raise a smile in dark times.

    When you're feeling mentally stronger, that's when you're ready to start planning.

    Xxxxxxxx

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  • E
    Beginner August 2015
    ExpensivePurpleDiamonds54 ·
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    Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I think your all right I think it's best to deal with my grief and then make my wedding plans. I really appreciate all your kind words x x

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