Unhelpful bridesmaids

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  • Posted: 13 Mar 2018 20:05

    Unhelpful bridesmaids

    My friend has 5 bridesmaids including myself ! It's looking like all the hen do planning is down to me ! The hen do is broad (Spain )so there's 3 days of planning ! I've to organise the accommodation, travel and activist as well as being a debt collector with stalking people for money. I've tried to get the others to help but there's no interest or I get the thumbs up emojis back to texts. These girls are totally up the brides bavk end on fb etc but are doing nothing to make it special - I know when something goes wrong they will say "that wasn't my idea". If I don't do anything no one will and it will be a let down! There is no enjoyment in all this planning as it seems to be a one man band. It's stressing me out big time and I don't want to stress the bride out by telling her ! Anyone else in the same boat ?





  • Posted: 14 Mar 2018 14:37

    Re: Unhelpful bridesmaids

    Are you the chief bridesmaid, closer to the bride than the others or normally the organiser/planner of the group? I was the chief bridesmaid to my friend last year and I had known the bride longer than the other bridesmaid. I just kind of took it upon myself to organise everything with no real help from anyone else but then there was only 1 other bridesmaid, not 4 others! 

  • Posted: 14 Mar 2018 16:03

    Re: Unhelpful bridesmaids

    Yes I'm the chief so I guess maybe it should be me but I've not long had a baby and I feel my maternity leave has been taken up with organising and chasing people for money ! 

  • Posted: 14 Mar 2018 16:33

    Re: Unhelpful bridesmaids

    Hi, have you got any further with this or are you still in a rut with the other bridesmaids?


    to make things easier you can ask them to book their own flights or accomodation. all you have to do is send them the details and a payment deadline and then its up to them, otherwise you end up out of pocket.

    make sure you have a spreadsheet that you tick everyone off when they are booked and paid.

    assign small tasks to the most reliable ones, for instance are you wearing matching sash's or t-shirts, get someone else on that, just send them all your research. make sure others are responsible for taking things over to spain for you. like games or funny props that others can take in their cases.

    make sure the bride knows exactly how much the other bridesmaids are failing. 

    i've had the same situation myself. im thinking of starting a business called 'sort the bridesmaids out'! im sure plenty of people will pay me to take the pressure off! hahah

    hope you're managing!


  • Posted: 14 Mar 2018 17:24

    Re: Unhelpful bridesmaids

    I've had to do it all as the conversation stops any time the others think they are getting a task to do ! They are honestly so far up the brides bum which is fine but to act like that and then not give a toss! One of them outright said she wasn't taking any responsibility for anything on the hen ! Problem is the bride loves all the little touches so it's a full weekend of stuff I've had to plan - just draining when I've hit a baby to deal with! It will be my only weekend away and I'll spend the full time 'working'

  • Posted: 14 Mar 2018 17:28

    Re: Unhelpful bridesmaids

    I actually think you should tell the bride. It's very unfair on you, especially as you've just had a baby. She'll probably be mortified to think they're just leaving you to get on with it all and hopefully she can have a word with them.

  • Posted: 15 Mar 2018 19:13

    Re: Unhelpful bridesmaids

    As a soon-to-be bride I would definitely want you to tell me if soemthing like this was happening. Weddings are stressful to arrange, brides should be prepared for that. 

    Best of luck!

  • Posted: 16 Mar 2018 7:03

    Re: Unhelpful bridesmaids

    As a bride with a BM who was supposed to plan the hen do but had a baby so I changed my expectations I think it's awful you've been left to do all that. I hope the bride knows how much you've done, you deserve a whopper of a present. I've planned my own hen, we're going to my fiance's pub and playing card games now because I didn't have time to organise much else and neither did the BM's. Like others have said, make sure the bride knows just how much you've done xx

  • Posted: 17 Mar 2018 17:28

    Re: Unhelpful bridesmaids

    I would totally let the bride know whats been going on. She might be able to talk to them, and get them to help! If it were me, from the brides point of view, I'd rather say something to the bridesmaids rather than my maid of honour do it, it just puts you in an awkward position that way. The bride should definatley be able to kick them into touch regarding the payments!

    But they should definatley be helping you. Whether that's with ideas for activities to do on the hen, or taking charge of something. Fingers crossed they stop being so lazy!!

  • Posted: 17 Mar 2018 21:57

    Re: Unhelpful bridesmaids

    Thanks - we had a bit of chat about decorations today and one of them offered to do something and when I said "that's great" she quickly didn't respond any further! Anyway I'm totally giving up with them and their lack of interest ! They can act like the perfect mate on fb if they like !

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