Uncomfortable with focus on me

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  • Posted: 7 Nov 2019 13:09

    Uncomfortable with focus on me

    Hi all

    I'm hoping some words of wisdom can come my way.  We are getting married in 6 months at a beautiful venue and I am already worrying about going bright red and having a shaky voice as I walk down the isle and speak in front of the guests, I get embarrassed easily and I so wish I didnt.

    Arent I supposed to be loving that part of the proceedings, I am really looking forward to getting married, just not that part.

    There will be a maximum of 50 friends and family with us, for a late ceremony  4pm, followed by a hog roast, buffet and drinks.  We are not having speeches and no top table. 

    I quite fancy having my future husband come and fetch me when I'm ready so we can have a couple of first look photos taken in the hotel room (it's a lovely room), and we can then go down and have a prosecco reception for half an hour with the guests prior to the ceremony.

    My mum will then walk me down the isle to meet my FH and give me away.

    As you can probably tell, I'm trying to come up with anything to make this initial focus on me easier and the day very relaxed for us both. 

    If you have any other advice or thoughts they are most welcome.

  • Posted: 7 Nov 2019 22:11

    Re: Uncomfortable with focus on me

    You must be my long-lost twin!  I feel exactly the same.  (When I went to buy my wedding dress and the shop owner asked what kind of dress I wanted, I asked her for 'something unobtrusive'!!!)

    We are having a very small wedding and no speeches, like you.  Also, we have been firm about only asking people who are 100% supportive of us, so no critical aunts or spiteful 'friends' who 'have' to be asked because they'll make a fuss.  Every time I get nervous, I remind myself that this is going to be a room full of people who are rooting for us - I'll probably never have that many supportive people around me in one go every again!  And it doesn't matter if I blush, shake, cry...at the end of the day, I'm marrying my best friend in front of the people who love us the most, and none of them are going to care what I look like or how I sound!  I recently did a stress control course, and one of the things they talked about was listening to the voice of reason instead of the voice of panic.  So your 'panic' voice tells you that you will go bright red when you walk down the aisle.  Your 'reason' voice asks questions like 'What's the worst thing that could happen if you go red?' (Answer - nothing much!) Will this still bother you in 5 years time (Answer, you probably won't even remember that you went red)  I've found the course really helpful in facing other stressful situations, so I'm hoping it will be helpful for the wedding ceremony too!

    The other thing to consider is - do you actually need to walk down the aisle?  Could you just quietly take your place at the front - maybe pop through a side door or walk in with your fiance & family?  Personally I want to do the ceremony bit straight away so that it's over  I know a few friends who married said they felt much less nervous once that was done - but if chatting to people first will make you less nervous then go for it!


  • Posted: 8 Nov 2019 17:19

    Re: Uncomfortable with focus on me

    Did you do the course online, it may be worth a look.

    I am hoping that on the day all will be well, and  that it's just the build up and as all the decisions to make that are heightening my anxiety levels.

    When I see my dress I love it (simple but pretty).and I know when my hair and make up are done and bouquet in hand I will feel the part. 

    I hope you have a fabulous and joyous wedding day, inside we are so proud and want to show it to the world, I am going to try very hard to show that outwardly too and not let my blushes spoil the moment.


  • Posted: 11 Nov 2019 16:36

    Re: Uncomfortable with focus on me

    The course was run by our local NHS team - it's not online and it's only available in parts of Wales atm.  Having said that, it might be worth looking at online/book forms of CBT to help deal with anxiety.  And just focus on what really matters - getting married to your best friend! 

  • Posted: 12 Nov 2019 9:26

    Re: Uncomfortable with focus on me

    Anxiety is horrible and I am speaking as someone who has dealt with it for years and done CBT (which didnt work, it just kept telling me that based on my answer the way I was feeling isnt normal, which I know, I know how I'm supposed to feel).

    If the walk down the aisle is worrying you then dont do it. There is nothing that says you have to do it and you dont want memories of you passing out from having a panic attack. You can make a quick entrance or do what the groom does and just be there, ready. Heck, you can even be there as the guests get seated.

    As for the vows you can shorten them down. Church and Civil ceremonies have the legal minimum but then there is another 50% which is totally optional and there to pad out the ceremony. If you want you can just do away with all that.

    I hate being the centre of any attention. Which is why our wedding was in Gretna Green where we said a couple of words and were done.

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