Top table thoughts?

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  • Posted: 20 Oct 2018 15:42

    Top table thoughts?

    i am trying to organise our seating plan and I we have the capacity for an 8 person top table. I get in with only parents and my other halves parents very well but I feel both my partner and I would enjoy it more if we had our friends in the top table rather than parents. I don’t want to upset our parents but I also want to do what we want rather than do something because it may upset someone else. Anyone else had this issue?

  • Posted: 22 Oct 2018 11:17

    Re: Top table thoughts?

    Hi! i'm going through the exact same thing. My parents are divorced as well - so it's even worse as they can't stand each other, so I'm certainly not going to have a nice time trying to make sure that they behave! (my dad's new wife will also be at the wedding, in the crowd, so that'll be fun!). 

    I really love the idea of actually having a top table with friends! I know I'd have a much better time with my friends, rather than parents - but my fiance wants his parents at the top table to give them some importance... 

    But maybe, if you can find another way to give some importance to your parents on the day, then they wouldn't be offended if you didn't sit with them? 




  • Posted: 22 Oct 2018 19:17

    Re: Top table thoughts?

    That’s was I though, we’ve asked both the mothers to be witnesses and my father is giving me away So I hope that it will be enough as I don’t want to upset them but I also want to do things a little differently.

    i hope you sort all of your issues! Wedding planning is stressful! 

  • Posted: 22 Oct 2018 21:13

    Re: Top table thoughts?

    We’re struggling to make sense of our top table too for various reasons. Been searching for alternative plans and can across a nice alternative the other day - instead of a top table you leave two spare seats at a few different tables and have each course at a different table. Maybe you could do it that way and have a course with each family and a course with friends or something?

  • Posted: 23 Oct 2018 12:12

    Re: Top table thoughts?

    I'm going to be perfectly honest and say I really don't think you should have a top table with friends. Sure, you might "enjoy" it more, but at the end of the day you've got every other day of the year to go out for a fun meal with friends, whereas your parents will only ever have one chance to sit with their daughter/son on the top table on their wedding day. The worst thing that will happen for you if you do have them on the top table is you'll spend an hour being a bit bored, but then you'll have the whole of the rest of the evening to see your friends. Whereas your parents might be genuinely hurt if it they're not allowed on the top table. Also if I was at a wedding and the parents weren't on the top table I'd find it a bit weird - I'd imagine they'd fallen out or they'd done something wrong or something. Parents traditionally get a place of honour at weddings because they did all the hard work of raising you into the people you are today and they've known you since you took your very first breath, and it's a very proud and emotional moment for them. I think it would be incredibly hurtful for them to just be treated like any other ordinary guest. So I'd say sit with your parents for the meal and then have fun with your friends afterwards.

  • Posted: 23 Oct 2018 13:00

    Re: Top table thoughts?

    I get that, and I love your honesty! My only issue is, everyone (including parents) have so much of a huge say for our wedding and I feel like there are only a few things we are choosing for ourselves, and we are the ones paying for it. 

    On my wedding day, I don’t know if I am okay with being’s our day after all.

    its not a decision I have thought about lightly but surely the happiness of the bride and groom are what’s most important. I’ve been to weddings where the top table has been friends and I haven’t thought it was weird, this was before we were even engaged.

    i don’t want to look back and wish that I could change things, and so far there are but I would change which are out of our control!

  • Posted: 23 Oct 2018 19:31

    Re: Top table thoughts?

    Why don't you consider a sweetheart table? That way, you and your new hubby can have a bit of time together, and you can sit parents and friends at neighbouring tables and interact with them all? X

  • Posted: 24 Oct 2018 11:39

    Re: Top table thoughts?

    Our wedding is going to be relatively small, skipping the wedding breakfast and about 60 at the evening reception. My fiance is unlikely to have any family at the wedding (no falling out, just logistics), so anybody from his side that does come will sit on a table with us as they won't know anybody else. I'd probably also include bridesmaids on this table, and the best man who doesn't speak much English. Again this is just an evening reception so I don't care if people get up and swap seats, whatever makes them more comfortable.

    My parents and siblings will fill a table of their own, and I'm sure my mum would prefer to sit with my older brother anyway so I don't think it will really be an issue for us. I'm thinking of only inviting my dad's sister, even though my mum and dad don't really 'like' her or speak to her, but I'm sure they could get on for an evening, if she even turns up (my sister didn't invite her to her wedding a few years ago which she might still be sore about). My mum doesn't like any of her brothers and sisters and I don't really either so I'm not bothered if they're offended at not being invited.

    The way I see it, it's my wedding. I'm not going to go out of my way to do things that I know will upset people, but I don't want to look back and think I wish I'd done that, I wish I'd not listened to so and so... People might think it's weird my parents aren't sat with me, or why didn't my dad walk me down the aisle, but I honestly don't care. It's your wedding.

  • Posted: 24 Oct 2018 13:56

    Re: Top table thoughts?



    i have had my own top table dramas recently which resulted in my Mum not speaking to me for over 6 weeks. BUT what i learned is that you have to take it back to the point of the wedding. the point of a wedding is to celebrate the beginning of your marriage and to celebrate your love for each other. That should be the core of how you make your decisions.

    it is REALLY hard but family politics can muddy the waters and people easily lose sight of the reason for this celebration so it's good to remind them occasionally - "this is how we want to start out married life, how we choose to celebrate".. and if people continue to make your life hard then what they're doing is trying to force their own opinions and preference on to you and that isn't fair. 

    it might make it easier to have a round table so it doesn't look so obvious but that is down to personal preference. 

    Hope that helps :-) 

  • Posted: 25 Oct 2018 11:14

    Re: Top table thoughts?

    That has helped, your right in saying that all the drama and politics does over shadow the main reason we are all there!



  • Posted: 26 Oct 2018 12:18

    Re: Top table thoughts?

    Could you do it without having a top table as such? My brother just had round tables at his wedding and him and his wife sat on one of them with the bridesmaid, best man and some other friends. (It was positioned in the middle of the room) Their reasoning was her parents were divorced and did't get on and my dad had died a couple of years before and my brother felt his absence would be more noticable (and upsetting to him) if they had a top table. Nobody seemed to mind that layout.

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