Struggling with the idea of changing my surname

Peter
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  • Posted: 26 Feb 2019 10:56

    Struggling with the idea of changing my surname

    A sensitive topic arrises in this post;

     

    I'm really struggling with the idea of changing my surname to my future husband's, we've had twin boys (one was sadly stillborn) and they both have my partner's surname making me the odd one out. I've moved from Wales to England to be with my partner, so I feel a part of my heritage got lost when I moved and now my son won't have the experience of growing up in Wales either, and now changing my Welsh surname to an English surname feels wrong. I've looked down the road of everyone taking my surname instead of keeping my partner's, having my son's surname changed would be easy enough to do, but my baby who was stillborn can only have a correction on his death certificate meaning he couldn't have his changed as it's not a mistake.

     

    I have people calling me by my partner's surname in hospitals when my son is admitted because he has his Dad's surname and it feels wrong.. I've thought about double barrelling my last name with my partner's Jones-James but they start with the same letter and it sounds ridiculous. I don't want people to question whether or not I am my son's mother, which has happened before. I'm a bit at a loss and with less than 2 months until the wedding, I've still not come to a decision and it's upsetting me.

  • Posted: 26 Feb 2019 16:17

    Re: Struggling with the idea of changing my surname

    Oh it’s such a huge decision. For me it was a natural conclusion I would become a neeson after we’d married (although 5 weeks on and the only place it’s changed is on Facebook as the rest is going to be a lot to sort out). It’s nice that we all have the same name but it’s a very personal thing. A few years back we were stopped at immigration returning from holiday because we all had different names on our passports. The officer asked my 2 children only aged 2 and 5 at this point if we were their parents and my children at this point refused to answer them and we nearly got taken in a side room for more questioning! 

    You have such deep rooted reason for wanting to keep your name and part of your identity with you that I would find it hard to offer you advice either way. I will say though I don’t think jones-James is that bad. Hope this helps x

  • Posted: 14 Mar 2019 22:17

    Re: Struggling with the idea of changing my surname

    I understand why this is a difficult decision for you. My children are double-barrelled and came along long before we got married. Now that we are, I haven't taken my husbands name, really just because it seems like a load of hassle compared to the mild inconvenience of not all having the same surname. I also really love my surname! The only people who care are my inlaws and I'm very happy to be addressed as Mrs XX but I'm not going to start changing my passport any time soon. 

    Could you add your name as your son's middle name? Or your husbands name as your middle name? Then at least the same name will all appear in your passport if you are worried about passport control. 

  • Posted: 17 Mar 2019 22:24

    Re: Struggling with the idea of changing my surname

    I know many married women who kept their maiden name and even the Miss part....Its their choice and becoming more acceptable these days...

    I also know one friend who changed his surname to hers......

    What you do is your choice....

     

    Peter

  • Posted: 18 Mar 2019 9:24

    Re: Struggling with the idea of changing my surname

    Hey,

    I'm so sorry for your loss, and I can understand where you're coming from! I've always assumed I would take my husband's name, and in all honesty, I probably will, but the closer I get to the wedding, the more sad I feel about losing my surname - it's a pretty rare surname, and my last link with my late dad. Unfortunately, I have a double-barrelled first name too, so double-barrelling my surname I think would be a bit much! 

    Funnily enough - I'm becoming a Jones! My fiance keeps telling me I'll need to support Wales in the 6 Nations next year! 

    There is no correct answer - it's down to you at the end of the day, but keep in mind you don't need to make a quick decision. I'm going to take my time changing everything over - my passport is good until 2026, so I'm definitely not changing that until then! 

    Also, I think the double-barrelled name for you sounds pretty good! 

    Good luck with the decision. X

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