Starting to hate planning this wedding!

Sopho
Page 1 of 1 (6 items)
Sort Posts:
  • Posted: 6 Sep 2018 11:50

    Starting to hate planning this wedding!

    This is my first time posting, I just don't seem to be getting anything from the people around me so I figured the internet is the place to go!

    Bit of back story, my fiance is Tunisian so he'll be coming over on a visa that allows us to get married within the 6 months he's here. Kind of expected him to be here by now but the process is taking longer than I thought, not really anything I can do about that. Anyway he'll initially be here for 6 months from around October (maybe?) so we decided on getting married in January, so we can enjoy a few months as a married couple before he quite possibly has to go back.

    We can't actually book anything until we know for definite that he's getting his visa approved (no reasons why he shouldn't) and have a date for him coming. I have provisionally booked 19th January (I've been very fussy trying to pick a date that I like the look of written down - 19/01/19) at the registry office and paid a £45 deposit, but that's all I can do so far. I've spoken to a reception venue, photographer, DJ and they available, but obviously I don't really want to pay more deposits when there is a chance it could all change. I've done a few things that I can do without the date set, got some table centrepieces, bought the bridesmaids dresses (more on that later), got my dress (Chi Chi London, bargain!), invitations from the Paperchase sale, all the little things that haven't cost me too much but could have done.

    So my main issues are timings on the day. We're having a Town Hall wedding, and since the 19th is a Saturday the latest ceremony they will do is 12pm. If the evening reception starts at 7/7.30pm, that's a 7 hour gap to fill. I can't see the ceremony taking much longer than half an hour-45 minutes, so that's over by 12.45pm, photos - an hour? Say we're done by 2pm. I had initially wanted a small family meal, not exactly a wedding breakfast, more just close family and the wedding party at my favourite restaurant. I'm from a family of 6 and I know when we go there we don't often spend less than £150 between us, so I'd say probably looking at £500 for that. Can probably realistically only drag that out to 5pm, so there's still a 2 hour gap. I'm not bothered, I'll go have a nap, but one of the bridesmaids has said weddings with big gaps are ***...

    I'm not expecting every guest to come to the Town Hall and then wait around for 7 hours til the reception. Most of my friends live here so they can go home and chill out, kids can have a rest, or don't even come to the ceremony I'm not fussed about that, if people want to come to it they can but the only people I'm really concerned about being there are my family and closest friends (I don't think any of his family will come over, he might have one friend who will obviously join us throughout the day).

    Anyway now I'm at the point where I'm wondering if I should change the day to the Friday 18th (we're both born on 18ths so it's kind of a special date I could live with haha), having the ceremony at 4pm, skipping the family meal, saving 500 quid and going straight into the evening reception. This could pose a problem for some guests, including the bridesmaid mentioned above, who are teachers/TAs and won't finish work until 3.30pm if they leave as soon as the kids leave, and likely couldn't get time off during a term for a non family member wedding.

    Also my fiance doesn't really like previously mentioned bridesmaid and doesn't want her having a role in our wedding. I can see where he's coming from because she has been quite negative about our relationship - saying we're rushing things, I don't really know him, we shouldn't get married, are you sure he's not using you blah blah blah. Obviously if he puts his foot down and says no way I am going to take his side, but I'm hoping that once they've actually met each other, he'll see that she was just trying to look out for her friend in her own way, and she'll see that we're genuinely very happy and love each other and we are ready to be married. I've got her a dress anyway, not 'blingy' enough for her, but at this point I don't care anymore. So we'll see how that goes.

    So after that loooong ranty jumble of thoughts, I'm basically just looking for opinions.

    Is the timeline for a Saturday wedding so awful that people are going to complain and call the whole day ***? There isn't really anything more I can do, I don't want giant games or a magician or anything like that. I'll be 30 by January, I'd love a little nap before the party.

    Should I move it to the Friday, even if it affects some people being able to come?

    I feel like I'm just trying to work it all out on my own. Fiance says he doesn't want to talk about it now and wait until he's here, don't think he realises how much there's going to be to do when he gets here and it's possibly only 3 months away. He tells me not to stress and "there's wedding planners for that" - alright you pay for a wedding planner then love, thanks! Absolutely no clue. Bridesmaids aren't really bothered. Maybe they're all just waiting until he is actually here and we have an official date, but it is a bit crap feeling like I'm on my own with everything.

    Cheery first post from me!

  • Posted: 6 Sep 2018 14:19

    Re: Starting to hate planning this wedding!

    How many people are you inviting to come and do both? 

    I'm having a midday ceremony on a Saturday, with evening guests arriving around 7, and I think you'll be surprised how quickly the time fills up. You'll probably hang around outside the registry office for a while for photos and congratulations, then you can send people onto the place where you will be having the meal whilst you have couple photos. Maybe arrange a small drinks reception for people when they get there? 

    Have you got a separate venue for evening? How far away from the Town Hall and the place where you plan on having the meal? I've been to a wedding which was a church wedding, so I went for the ceremony, then went home and chilled for a few hours, and went to the evening reception. It was fine. 

    I would probably stick to the Saturday if there are close friends that you'll want there. 

    Why is your bridesmaid so down on your relationship? May I ask how long you've been together? Has she had a chance to meet him? 

    I understand why you feel like you're on your own, not being able to book a venue would really stress me out too! Have you also booked an appointment to give notice? Because don't forget that has to be done a month before your wedding. 

    Can you ask him to make some decisions on the non-date fixed stuff with you? Maybe he can organise things like buying some decorations? That way at least he'll be able to contribute something, which might also put your bridesmaid's mind at rest.

    Good luck! x

  • Posted: 6 Sep 2018 16:16

    Re: Starting to hate planning this wedding!

    Have_you_met_Mrs_Jones2019:
    How many people are you inviting to come and do both? 

    The max we can have in the Town Hall is 30 anyways, probably about 14/15 for the meal and then I've got 60 at the moment for the evening but probably allowing for that to go up to 70. Since he's not really going to have anyone there, I've tried to bump up numbers on my side so the place doesn't feel empty.

     

    Have_you_met_Mrs_Jones2019:
    Have you got a separate venue for evening? How far away from the Town Hall and the place where you plan on having the meal?

    The evening venue is less than a 5 minute walk down the same street from the Town Hall. The restaurant I'd like for the family meal is a 15/20 minute walk or 5 in a taxi, so everything is pretty easy to get to. There's probably 90% coming from Southport which is where the whole wedding will be, and the rest Liverpool way. Anyone coming from Liverpool I'd suggest they just come to the evening or be prepared to amuse themselves for a good few hours.

     

    Have_you_met_Mrs_Jones2019:
    Why is your bridesmaid so down on your relationship? May I ask how long you've been together? Has she had a chance to meet him?

    She hasn't met him and I think this is one of the main reasons. She watches a lot of TLC (I do too) and can't seem to comprehend that two people from different countries could love each other without a motive. I'm 29 he's 32, he's got family money he doesn't need mine (not got any anyway), he'd happily live together in Tunisia but I would rather live here. All the red flags I'd look for aren't there. She's the only one who is down on it, even my mum got on board pretty much right away. We've been together since last July and got engaged in May. We're both Muslim so dragging out a long engagement isn't something we want to do. Honestly her opinion doesn't bother me one bit, I just don't get why you'd want to be involved in a wedding that you don't really support, and I'm pretty sure our friendship would be over if I told her she was out.

     

    Have_you_met_Mrs_Jones2019:
    Can you ask him to make some decisions on the non-date fixed stuff with you? Maybe he can organise things like buying some decorations?

    Haha I asked him to go look at some suits over in Tunisia or maybe go to the medina and look at getting the rings made there, you'd think I'd asked him to cross the Sahara with no shoes or water. Why would he go do that now? What a waste of his time. Add stuff he likes to my Pinterest board? He can do all that when he's here, we can do it together. Gave up asking him after that. He isn't a complete arse like I'm probably making out, he'd just initially complained I was doing whatever I wanted without involving him, and now when I try he's not interested. Guess that's men.

  • Posted: 9 Sep 2018 12:13

    Re: Starting to hate planning this wedding!

    There's another solution to the timing issue that could help with the Saturday.  The register office will have "registration only" appointments for around £75.  Those will be a weekday only service.  You go in for 10 min in your jeans with 2 witnesses and that's the legal part sorted.

    Then you'd book a celebrant for the wedding at the hotel and they will be far more flexible re timing.

  • Posted: 10 Sep 2018 15:56

    Re: Starting to hate planning this wedding!

    Thanks Paula, someone at work had actually done this so I knew it was an option, the thing is my parents got married at the same Town Hall 35 years ago so I really want to have the full ceremony and photos there. I think we're just going to go with the original plan, it suits us best for what we want.

  • Posted: 20 Sep 2018 10:00

    Re: Starting to hate planning this wedding!

    Sopho:
    I'm not expecting every guest to come to the Town Hall and then wait around for 7 hours til the reception. Most of my friends live here so they can go home and chill out, kids can have a rest, or don't even come to the ceremony I'm not fussed about that, if people want to come to it they can but the only people I'm really concerned about being there are my family and closest friends

    One thing I would say to this is make sure that you manage people's expectations, and ensure they know what the situation is if you are going to leave a gap. Make sure you mention to the people who are not invited to the whole thing that you are only hoping they will come to the evening, but not expecting them to come to the ceremony, since you can't cater for them in between.

    Personally, I would completely avoid a gap as I've had experience of being a 'gap guest' recently, and we ended up going home and not coming back, as we were an hour away from home, had no where else to go, had three hours to kill, my partner was driving and up for work at 5am the next day, and he had already taken a day off work (weekday wedding).

    But in this case, we had no idea from the invite that we weren't invited to the wedding breakfast, as I've never known a wedding to work like this before. As we were invited to the ceremony, we just expected to have been there all day.

    If they'd made it clear to us, we'd have just come to the evening as it was a distance to travel, plus my partner wouldn't have needed a day off work - so we were actually a bit annoyed. 

    So - I think you can obviously do your wedding your way - but just make sure that all guest expectations are managed and anyone not coming to the wedding breakfast knows about it in advance!

Return to: Wedding Planning
Page 1 of 1 (6 items)