I recently read a book chapter about self-fulfilling prophecies and how vulnerable we are (proper psychology, not wishy-washy self-help). To be honest, it made me think about some of the girls here, given the recent flurry of sh*t husbanding going on. I wondered if it might be helpful for some. I will bullet point for brevity.
The Thomas Theorem and self-fulfilling prophecy - the future is a result of actions, and actions are the result of behaviour, and behaviour is the result of prediction. You start with a false interpretation of an ongoing situation, carry out behaviour as if this interpretation is real, and the situation then becomes real. In hindsight, it will seem as if that's how it always was.
Subjective reality .v. objective reality - your subjective (not measurably true or false) interpretation of reality leads you to assert that something is true. If enough people follow that belief, if government policies are made based on it, if social interaction propagates the belief, it will become objectively (and therefore measurably) true.
Stereotype threat - people perform behaviours and actions that they feel match their 'stereotype'. For example, black students fare worse on standardised tests than white students, but only if you tell them you are measuring their intelligence. White athletes can't jump as high as usual if they put up against a black classmate. Women fail maths tests when they are competing against men and under the stereotypic illusion that men are better at maths.
Labelling theory - when someone believes you are a certain kind of person, you tend to live up to those expectations. Average students improve their performance when teachers are fooled into thinking the students are smart. It's a positive feedback loop. It's not that the teachers deliberately set out to give extra help to students they know to be average, it's that once under the false premise that the students are smart, the teachers' behaviours change (attention, respect, etc) and that induces the students to try hard, become more motivated, become smart.
The bottom line - if you think someone is going to be horrible, you will act in a hostile way, thus causing them to be horrible. If you think your husband doesn't live you, you respond accordingly (maybe minor issues become big hurts) and this drives them to distance themselves. The things you think are true will become true, given enough time. If you want a better marriage, you have to behave as if the thing you want the other person to do is going to happen.
My note: you cannot change their behaviour but we can all change our own.
