Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

raincloud
Page 2 of 3 (32 items) < Previous123Next >
Sort Posts:
    Posted: 27 Nov 2012 19:01

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    CBT doesn't work on the base that you should change yourself.  It works on managing automatic negative thoughts, and trying to think of more balanced ways of thinking based on factual evidence rather than assumptions or unfair and unchallenged beliefs about yourself.

     

    I wonder if you visited CBT or mindfulness therapy in adulthood if it would be a different experience for you.  At 15/16 I definitely struggled to see any other perspective than my own!

     

    P.S  Just to be clear, I'm not saying you need therapy!! Stick out tongue

  • Posted: 27 Nov 2012 19:27

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    I think similar and often tell my students this. If someone gives you a complement about a dress and you say 'what this old thing?' they start to  change their mind and think you look ok, rather than great. Keep this up and they will stop complementing you, and you in turn will never get complements so never feel better about yourself and so on. Same with intelligence - if you say you aren't very clever, others will assume you 'know yourself' and so not  ask you when they want advise/knowledge etc. Which will make you feel you really aren't clever enough to be asked, so next time you repeat that you aren't very clever and so on. Act confidently about whatever and others will believe you.

  • Posted: 27 Nov 2012 19:30

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    raincloud:

    I think similar and often tell my students this. If someone gives you a complement about a dress and you say 'what this old thing?' they start to  change their mind and think you look ok, rather than great. Keep this up and they will stop complementing you, and you in turn will never get complements so never feel better about yourself and so on. Same with intelligence - if you say you aren't very clever, others will assume you 'know yourself' and so not  ask you when they want advise/knowledge etc. Which will make you feel you really aren't clever enough to be asked, so next time you repeat that you aren't very clever and so on. Act confidently about whatever and others will believe you.

     

    This is the "self talk" aspect of the course I did, its good but you have to actiavly think about what you plan on doing or the old habits creep in. 

    Posted: 27 Nov 2012 19:51

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    Helenia, that book looks interesting, ordered!

  • Posted: 28 Nov 2012 10:27

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    I might get this book. We did a bit on self-fulfilling prophecies during my degree and I did my A-level psychology coursework on labelling. 

    I definitely think that if you are expecting something, or even if it is suggested then you find behaviours that fit to that assumption. 

  • Posted: 28 Nov 2012 11:18

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    BuffyBoo:
    It works on managing automatic negative thoughts, and trying to think of more balanced ways of thinking based on factual evidence rather than assumptions or unfair and unchallenged beliefs about yourself.

    I understand that. I know it can work really well for some people with particular difficulties, but it isn't a cure-all and in my case it definitely made things worse rather than better. 

    I didn't have a problem with how I saw myself because I had no idea who I was, and I still don't. That might be part of why it didn't work.  

    I don't want to try it again in adulthood, partly because I found that psychotherapy is definitely what works for me. 

  • Posted: 28 Nov 2012 16:22

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    This is really interesting. I think I do agree on some principles, for example while H and I have been going through a tense time, I see certain things in his behaviours/words that aren't intended and wouldn't usually bother me - but because of how he was acting the day before and so on. Likewise, he assumes I am being snarky because I probably was being (as a result of me assuming he was being a twonk).

    Same is true at school. I have kids in top set who behave almost perfectly, motivated, enthusiastic etc. I have kids in a bottom or mixed group who have exactly the same CATs and KS3 scores and GCSE target grades as those members of the top set. Yet because of the group they are in with a number 3 or 4 by their class code, and the attitudes they recieve from staff/each other, they act as if they are incapable when all the data actually suggests otherwise. Obviously there are lots of other factors at play, but a lot of students who have the 'what's the point I will fail' attitude do tend to...well, fail or do badly. Part of us being assessed for inspections is 'high expectations of all students' and it makes a lot of sense. If we constantly 'dumb' it down for less able groups, they may not feel as respected, and definitely won't be exposed to the vocab that a top set group may hear from staff.

  • Posted: 28 Nov 2012 16:26

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    I am awesome. I just wanted to drop that in here...

  • Posted: 28 Nov 2012 18:48

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    enterflora:
    I didn't have a problem with how I saw myself because I had no idea who I was, and I still don't.

    That's how I feel and keep being told I need to discover the real me - well hwo on earth do I do that?

    Posted: 28 Nov 2012 19:23

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    Yeah CBT isn't about self discovery at all.  It's aimed at targeting particular problems such as anxiety, depression, self esteem, etc.  I also use it in work for people experiencing psychosis.

    Evidence base it pretty good, but of course it's not a one size fits all.  People also need to have realistic expectations with it, it takes time and a lot of practice to learn the skills.

     

     

    Posted: 28 Nov 2012 19:27

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    Pittabre:

    enterflora:
    I didn't have a problem with how I saw myself because I had no idea who I was, and I still don't.

    That's how I feel and keep being told I need to discover the real me - well hwo on earth do I do that?

    It's an odd concept, finding the 'real' you.  I'm not sure what that really means.  Surely it's really about being content with how you feel about yourself and the world, and happy with the decisions you've made in life.  I suppose the only time I might advise a friend to find out who they are, is if they seem to always define themselves by who they are when they are with someone in a relationship...but I guess in saying that I would be encouraging them to find out what interests them, what do they find fun, what do they really hate.

  • Posted: 28 Nov 2012 19:34

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    BuffyBoo:

    Pittabre:

    enterflora:
    I didn't have a problem with how I saw myself because I had no idea who I was, and I still don't.

    That's how I feel and keep being told I need to discover the real me - well hwo on earth do I do that?

    It's an odd concept, finding the 'real' you.  I'm not sure what that really means.  Surely it's really about being content with how you feel about yourself and the world, and happy with the decisions you've made in life.  I suppose the only time I might advise a friend to find out who they are, is if they seem to always define themselves by who they are when they are with someone in a relationship...but I guess in saying that I would be encouraging them to find out what interests them, what do they find fun, what do they really hate.

    5 months ago my husband of ten years (partner for 15) left me and my world revolves around my children and I have fairly low self esteem but that is to do with never having things acknowledged about me and being non-valued. But I am fairly easy going - I'm a shades of gray type person meaning I don't see things as black and white as opposed to *that* book so am willing to try anything or do anything and don't have strong opinions on most things so because of that I don't appear well defined enough to people. When asked what do I enjoy doing I respond spending time with my children but that isn't a *good* enough answer for most.

     

  • Posted: 28 Nov 2012 19:45

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    Pittabre:

    enterflora:
    I didn't have a problem with how I saw myself because I had no idea who I was, and I still don't.

    That's how I feel and keep being told I need to discover the real me - well hwo on earth do I do that?

    .

  • Posted: 28 Nov 2012 19:54

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

     

    .

  • Posted: 28 Nov 2012 19:57

    Re: Self-fulfilling prophecies - food for thought

    P and Flora - hope I'm not out of line in saying this, but both of you have asked me about borderline personality disorder before, and if you do have it (or at least some of the symptoms/characteristics) then CBT is very unlikely to work for you. Other therapies have been developed from CBT but have been adapted for BPD clients as CBT has found to not be very effective with that client group.

    Also hope I'm not out of line in saying that a lack of sense of self is a symptom of BPD...not that I'm saying you have it, just that you're not the only person who feels that way and you're not alone.

Return to: Off Topic Posts
Page 2 of 3 (32 items) < Previous123Next >