Only Bridesmaid moving away

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  • Posted: 13 Mar 2019 18:48

    Only Bridesmaid moving away

    I asked my friend to be my only bridesmaid as I wanted to avoid choosing between family members. After she accepted she told me she is moving to the other end of the country 3 months prior to the wedding. When I have occasionally mentioned the wedding, she has said she'll 'try' to be there. I'm a bit worried about this, so asked if she would prefer to just be invited a a guest, both to make the move less stressful on her so she doesn't have that commitment, but also so I can be sure I won't have a key member dropping out at the last minute. Don't want to upset her, but I feel like if she can't commit to coming I need to know know, as wedding only 6 months away. 

    Was this the right thing to do? :(

  • Posted: 14 Mar 2019 10:27

    Re: Only Bridesmaid moving away

    What does she mean she will 'try' to be there? A - she needs to let you know if she is coming, bridesmaid or not. B - if she is your bridesmaid she needs to be there! No 'try' about it. 

    Her being the other end of the country shouldn't make any difference. One of my bridesmaids lived in Florida when I asked her (I'm UK). She was up front that she might not be able to come to the hen do, which is fine, but there was no question about her coming to the wedding itself! As it is, she's now moved to Vienna, so is now coming to the hen do too! 

    That said, as long as she tells you she is definitely coming, I don't see what the problem is - has she already agreed to help you with prep in the run up? If so, you'll have to rule that out, as it obviously won't be practical. But if you're just expecting her on the day, I don't see what the problem is. I probably wouldn't have invited her as just a guest instead - if she can't make the effort to be there as bridesmaid, being demoted isn't going to make her more likely to attend. 

    I would have a straight chat with her, tell her you know moving is stressful, but you need to know for sure if she is coming - if only for numbers and catering! 

    Good luck X

  • Posted: 14 Mar 2019 13:26

    Re: Only Bridesmaid moving away

    Absolutely, 100% right thing to do :-) You’re a good friend for doing that and taking the pressure off her. She may well be feeling like she can no longer commit to being your bridesmaid but doesn’t know how to approach it with you so you’ve done the right thing by bringing it up with her. You’re a good person for not letting her feel pressured to do it. I imagine she will be feeling extremely relieved that you’ve brought it up first. 

  • Posted: 14 Mar 2019 13:56

    Re: Only Bridesmaid moving away

    Thank you :)

  • Posted: 14 Mar 2019 14:03

    Re: Only Bridesmaid moving away

    Hello, I did try to discuss travel logistics with her, and timings for hair and makeup etc. but she was rather uninterested (of course I know she won't be as keen as I am :)). She hasn't been massively involved with any planning/prep, so wasn't expecting anything on that front, which is fine. The only real input she's given is that her dress (which matches our colour scheme) wasn't her colour. I just don't want it to get to a week before and her say she can't make it down and there being no chance for changes to be sorted, and if she thinks it'd be too much then to give her an alternative to being my BM. 

    Thanks for the advice, it's just been running round in my head. 

  • Posted: 14 Mar 2019 19:31

    Re: Only Bridesmaid moving away

    I was chief bridesmaid for my friend who lives over 200 miles away and I really didn’t want to do it. I told her I wasn’t comfortable doing it and she just said that I was being silly and that I would be fine! I couldn’t help but think a true friend would’ve said I didn’t need to do it if I really didn’t want to. I didn’t go there for the hair and make up trial as I wasn’t prepared to give up my whole weekend getting there and back again all just for a hair and make up trial that I wasn’t even bothered about. Not sure if it annoyed her or not but I also fell at the wedding outside the church before we went in then fainted in the church! I had an awful day and really wished I could just have been a guest! 

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