Not looking forward to the wedding

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  • Posted: 27 May 2018 16:50

    Not looking forward to the wedding

    I’m getting married next year and although I’m looking forward to be married I’m dreading the wedding day itself. I wanted to elope but my fiancé wasn’t having any of it. I offered a compromise of family only ceremony and invite everyone else to the reception; he wasn’t having any of that either. I’ve never been a “bridal” person or even particularly interested in weddings so I’m imagining that the day will be incredibly stressful and boring for me. Anyone else had similar feelings? 

  • Posted: 29 May 2018 16:30

    Re: Not looking forward to the wedding

    Maybe have another chat with your OH, it's not air of him to dismiss your feelings so quickly and without consideration. I'm a firm believer that when you marry, you are setting up a partnership for your life, so make sure you get the basics right before you walk down the aisle. 

    I think your compromise of family to the ceremony and friends to reception sounds fair. Maybe if he has a couple of very close friends, you could each extend it that far? I know it can be difficult, my fiance would rather have his friends than his family at our wedding (which is why it's ended up so big!), but he needs to explain this to you rather than dismissing it out of hand.

    Similarly, if I were your fiance, I'd be a little concerned at you referring to your wedding day as boring.

    Whilst I get it, and I'm well aware that many grooms probably feel a little bit like that(!), if you really don't want a wedding day, it's almost not fair on your partner to go through the motions if your heart isn't in it. I really think you need to talk to him about this, calmly, as soon as possible.

    Good luck!

  • Posted: 29 May 2018 20:07

    Re: Not looking forward to the wedding

    I want the marriage and the benefits that come with it; it’s just the wedding day itself (in particular the ceremony) that I’m not keen on. Unfortunately in my country to be legally married there needs to be some form of ceremony; that’s why I wanted to keep it lowkey as possible. My fiancé knows that I’m expecting the wedding to be boring; he knew I wasn’t a wedding person and never wanted a big day before he proposed. 

  • Posted: 29 Jun 2018 0:13

    Re: Not looking forward to the wedding

    I'm getting married next year too, and also really wanted to elope as I'm not massive on being the centre of attention and see a wedding as an intimate occasion.

    My partner and my family were keen for an actual ceremony though. Everything is now booked and in place, but I still can't help but look at elopement packages with the thought of cancelling all existing plans 🙈.

  • Posted: 29 Jun 2018 22:37

    Re: Not looking forward to the wedding

    Yes! I feel the same way. I just want to be married and I'd quite happily go down to the local registry office in my jeans and t-shirt and be home in time for my dinner or even lunch if it's in the morning! Luckily my partner feels the same so we're most likely just going to go to a registry office on our own. I'll probably wear some kind of dress but no faffing about or big doo.

  • Posted: 4 Jul 2018 13:21

    Re: Not looking forward to the wedding

    I'm feeling fairly similar. I get married in 3 months and I'm dreading the day because my fiance's family and friends number about 80 people (after a big cull) and mine number fewer than 10. His family are also really overbearing and I just dread being fawned over all day. However I do accept that it's not his fault that I'm so antisocial, and I'm also sure it will be fine on the day so I'm trying to hang on to that thought. 

    I do think it's a bit unreasonable of your OH to not make a compromise, especially if he knows how you feel and knew before he asked you. Maybe you need to have a sit down and reiterate that you're really not looking forward to it and could you tone it down a bit to make you feel more comfortable. 

    I hope it goes well, and I'm sure your day will be lovely whatever happens. :)

  • Posted: 5 Jul 2018 9:17

    Re: Not looking forward to the wedding

    Thanks for your replies. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. I have tried talking to him numerous times about this but he will not budge; he tells me it’s only for one day. What makes it more irritating is that people assume that I am the one who wanted a big wedding but it’s all for him. I’m not even having a hen do! 

  • Posted: 10 Mar 2019 3:26

    Re: Not looking forward to the wedding

    An update: We had the wedding and neither of us enjoyed it (apparently our guests did so not a complete waste of money I suppose...) . He wanted a big wedding to impress his friends but didn't realise the cost and planning which would be involved; he was thinking the whole thing would be £2000 (!). My advice to bride and grooms to be is: Listen to each other and find a compromise, and research the pros/cons of the wedding you want..

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