My parents are ruining my wedding and the whole experience

LuxuriousIvoryFlowers685
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  • Posted: 5 Jan 2018 15:53

    My parents are ruining my wedding and the whole experience

    i am getting married in 5 months and it is now where we have to confirm mostly everything to our suppliers. Myself and my husband to be are paying for the wedding with no help from our parents.But my parents are destroying this whole experience for me and this is why.

    When we were looking for venue, initially we wanted a very small wedding (20 people max) based in Lake district but my parents were very against that as its a very long drive for them (London based) and my sister who is 11 years old cannot be this long in the car as she gets car sick but mostly because was too far for their friends and other family members to come. My partners parent did not have issues. So we tried to please my parents and have found this amazing venue we both fell in love with and its within our budget. My parents have refused to help out financially because my partners parents are not helping either. My partners parents are in a bad financial situation and we understand and have decided to pay it on our own. The big problem is that my parents want their say and their way. They want control of the menu, they want a free bar, unlimited bad as they dont think that a 3 course meal, canapes, and a buffet is enough for everyone. we have said no to this as we cannot afford it. Myself and my partner decided to our decision is the final decision. but my parents went absolutely crazy that we did the menu without them and not only this but my mum is refusing for my sister to be my bridesmaid and wants her to wear a white dress! Also, my dad is refusing to have the same suit as the groom, father in law and best man. I'm at a breaking point and don't know how to deal with this anymore. I told them if they keep acting like this they are not invited. It ended with me having a huge argument with them and my partner arguing with them as well. what do i do?

  • Posted: 9 Jan 2018 22:46

    Re: My parents are ruining my wedding and the whole experience

    Hi, 

    I just wanted to say that throughout our wedding planning, we've had moments where parents are driving us a bit mad and that you're not alone. I don't know if its because we're not having the wedding my parents would like (we did initially forget that the wedding day is mine and my finances and his familys i.e. my family and I can't make all the decisions and expect my fiancé and his family to just say yes) or because they/my Mum didn't enjoy her own wedding day so she's worrying unnecessarily about this...I'm not sure but we have had guest list pain points shall we say! 

    My Mum wanted a small wedding which we did by cutting our friends out the civi ceremony then with my fiancés family having a handful of family / friends, we then had some non-negotiable family members my parents felt they "had to" invite and they know I have no relationship with my cousins but they had to be there...and at first, the cousins (15) were invited to the party only but then they suddenly had to be invited to the whole day...so we've ended up with 60 for the civil ceremony and then some for the meal and party - and we used to hear "You and H2B have made this into a big wedding". i'm not an argumentative person, I'm pretty relaxed so just let it slide (but yes - extremely frustrating!!). 

    That's been our main pain point (my Mum's a pretty anxious person and has various health problems too :-( so been tough to really let rip) but i kept reminding myself that the day is about me and H2B getting married, that's all that matters and if we end up having the world and his wife there then so be it/my parents can host/entertain them because me and H2B will be partying with our mates! I mean this in a positive way but its like water off a ducks back now when another couple's name pops up to be invited..meh. I'm a fairly relaxed person and not very girly so probably have a different view to the majority of brides to be but do you think you could explain to your parents how this is making you both feel, find out why/understand why your Dad won't have same suit etc. If, after explaining, they still want your sister to wear white, your Dad to not wear same suits - do you think you could reach a point of "OK fine, its one day, as long as me and my H2B get married, they can do what they want?" Appreciate that may be tough if you're someone who has planned every tiny detail. Hope that helps - in some way!? Good luck!

  • Posted: 10 Jan 2018 12:34

    Re: My parents are ruining my wedding and the whole experience

    I know that they're your parents and you love them:

    Tell them to jog on or back off or whatever

    It's your Wedding day. You do what is right for you and your partner.

  • Posted: 11 Jan 2018 23:18

    Re: My parents are ruining my wedding and the whole experience

    You've already compromised by picking a different venue yes you and your fiance love it but you have had to changed your plans because of your parents having tantrums.

    I'm assuming your parents are married? if so they have had their day it's time for yours!

    You need to tell them it's your special day tell them exactly whats happening and tell them they need to get on board with this no ifs no buts! If you want your sister as a bridesmaid tell them it's important to you to have her be part of your special day and tell them if you don't want her in white shes not going to be!

    You just need to keep reminding them the day isn't about what they want it's what your and your fiance want is it's your wedding your day.

    I stuck with my guns for what I wanted and I'm glad I have I'm getting married on Wednesday and can't wait :)

     

    All the best :)

  • Posted: 13 Jan 2018 13:40

    Re: My parents are ruining my wedding and the whole experience

    just tell them firmly its your wedding and they dont have a say, then ignore it and do as you wish... if they act bad they get kicked out

    they are only act badly because your allowing them to, they are the ones that lose in this its like a toddler thowing a tantrum they can cry but it doesnt mean they get the toys they want

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