[Mostly a Vent] How Do You Plan A Wedding When You Have Nobody To Turn To?

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  • Posted: 11 Jun 2018 13:08

    [Mostly a Vent] How Do You Plan A Wedding When You Have Nobody To Turn To?

    Hi guys, this is mostly a vent as I want to get this off my chest, but if anyone has any handy tips they'd be much appreciated.

    A bit of background: I'm getting married in Norfolk this October. I have anxiety, depression and a touch of Asperger's so my social circle is VERY small, IE I have 3 people I can count as friends. For various reasons I no long speak to my parents, my sister is only 19, has her own issues and also can't drive yet.

    My question/rant is - how on earth am I supposed to organise my wedding with nobody to rely on? My Maid Of Honour dropped out a few weeks ago, so my hen do has gone out of the window. I have 3 other bridesmaids:

    #1 Living in France and in the nicest possible way completely incapable of organising her way out of a wet paper bag (she's only flying into the country the morning of the wedding)

    #2 Has ME so can't walk for any distance at all & I don't want to make her ill. 

    #3 My sister who doesn't drive, is only 19 and has huge anxiety problems.

    I have no other family or close friends, my OH's family are more than willing to help but they live 3 hours away so will be of limited use.

    At the moment I'm just feeling very sorry for myself because I feel like I have nobody I can trust with even the simplest things. Our wedding is VERY non-standard (it's in a zoo for starters) and I wanted to have someone on board who knew what was going on so I won't have to be organising things & people the morning of my wedding. It's now looking like that's not an option. :(

    Is this just me? How do you cope with unreliable people?

  • Posted: 13 Jun 2018 9:20

    Re: [Mostly a Vent] How Do You Plan A Wedding When You Have Nobody To Turn To?

    Regarding your hen do - why don't you organise a spa day for you, your sister, and your bridesmaid with ME? You can get some really good deals for numbers like that, and it could be a really lovely way to relax before the wedding.

    Lots of deals offer afternoon tea, or lunches with fizz. Treat yourself and your girls who have stuck by you. 

    If you wanted, you could always go out for a meal and cocktails in the evening, or have a girly sleepover with pizza and facepacks!

    Regarding your actual wedding, is your OH helping out? If not, get him involved! 

    Getting married at a zoo is so cool! Are you able to get into the rooms the day before to set your tables up? And maybe speak to the zoo, see if they can let you have anyone to assist with this - or maybe your OH's family can travel down the day before to help with venue set up? Then you have nothing to worry about on the day.

    If you're using reputable suppliers, they should be professional enough to not need to check in with you over every little thing on the day, see if there is a contact at the venue they can use. 

    Also, whilst I can see it could be frustrating not having lots of people helping you organise, it can also be a blessing - too many cooks spoil the broth as they say, at least you get to have the wedding you both want without a zillion people giving their opinions and making matters confusing, so try to think of it that way. 

    I hope this helps, it sounds like you're wedding will be wonderful! X

  • Posted: 13 Jun 2018 10:39

    Re: [Mostly a Vent] How Do You Plan A Wedding When You Have Nobody To Turn To?

    Absolutely as above - get your OH involved! And his friends - it's not just you organising a wedding, it's both of you! Big Smile

    Me and my OH have organised everything ourselves for our wedding which is 10 hours away from where we live - I have no bridesmaids, we've literally only involved people where they are part of the ceremony, not in any of the planning. We have a couple of friends/guests who on the day have kindly said they will quickly say hi to the suppliers and point them in the right direction (but ONLY because we're totally DIY, no coordinator or staff at the venue, it's not really a wedding venue at all so we've made it up as we've gone along!). The poster above is right - if the zoo (SO cool!) is used to doing weddings, they will be used to that kind of organisation and probably have trusted suppliers who will just get on with the job.

    Anyway, the way to cope with unreliable people is to not rely on anyone. But have a chat with your OH (who obvs you should be able to rely on), and between you work out who can be that one person who just has a knowledge of what's meant to happen on the day and can keep an eye open. That could easily be one of your OH's family with a bit of preparation by email/phone or a couple of visits. 

    On your hen - yup, just do something small and chilled which won't put the pressure on you or any of your bridesmaids. A spa or tea or even just a night of daft films, takeaway and wine. Lovely. Smile

  • Posted: 13 Jun 2018 20:44

    Re: [Mostly a Vent] How Do You Plan A Wedding When You Have Nobody To Turn To?

    I have pretty much planned our wedding by myself! 

    I have one BM (my sister) who hasn’t shown much interest in the wedding and have no idea if she’ll organise a hen do so I might have to do that myself too.

    My OH, within the last year, has joined the military and lives on base down south (I live in the midlands). I have done almost everything completely independently; I’ve found all of our suppliers, booked them and kept up communication, designed our invites and addressed them etc., chosen pretty much everything we need in terms of decoration, entertainment etc., I was the one who had reaserched everything including the venues etc. This is all whilst working a very demanding full time job. I know it’s not easy, but sometimes I think it’s best for me to do things I know exactly what we need/want, but do deligate when needed. 


  • Posted: 17 Jun 2018 23:52

    Re: [Mostly a Vent] How Do You Plan A Wedding When You Have Nobody To Turn To?

    I just wanted to say good luck and I sympathise. My hubby is slightly autistic  (only diagnosed officially last summer) so I am planning our vow renewal myself, with a bit if help from my mum (but 90% me!) I too think getting married at a zoo is so cool, I love animals. Is it Banham? Or Cromer Zoo? (Sorry don't mean to be nosey, don't answer if you'd rather not ). I grew up in Norfolk King's Lynn. Anyway, feel free to ask anything on here and we'll do our best to help.

  • Posted: 18 Jun 2018 8:51

    Re: [Mostly a Vent] How Do You Plan A Wedding When You Have Nobody To Turn To?

    Hi everyone, thanks for the replies and sorry for my late response!

    Firstly the hen do - I'm now completely turned off the idea because I already tried to organise it myself and it was such a hassle I gave up and asked my former MOH to do it for me. Basically my friends/bridesmaids have a combination of a) a complete inability to know where they might be at any given point b) no money and c) no transport. I really don't want to be ferrying people around and going out of my way on a day that is supposed to be about me. Sorry if that sounds selfish but that was the one thing where I was looking forward to being pampered and spoiled a bit. :(

    The wedding, yes my OH is helping out but in the nicest possible way he is useless at it. He wants to help so much but he gets distracted by the tiniest things and only does half a job. As an example I asked him last night to help out with dinner, he put the jacket potatoes *in* the microwave...and then 5 minutes later I went and switched it on myself because he had forgotten. So I definitely can't trust him with anything important for the wedding. I've tasked him with sorting his outfit, the music and the group photos. Other than that I am very particular in what I want so we'd just end up arguing over details. :P

    Re the zoo, it is very off-piste as the zoo itself isn't a licensed venue - the hall next door is. So we're having a duo ceremony with the main bit in the zoo, and then the official legal bumph on our own in the licensed room. But as the zoo don't do weddings, this is all organised around their other stuff, which takes priority. This means we're on a military timeline as we have basically 45 minutes to get everyone in, settled, the ceremony done and everyone out again before the next show starts. I wanted to have someone in on it to get people moving so there were no holdups. The zoo guys will help out a bit but they're flat out with the rest of their day jobs as well. And the event planner from the venue is not the most helpful person! They will set up the venue itself for the reception though, so I'm not too worried about that. I just have some decorations we're making that will need to be set up, but one of our suppliers has said she can do that.

    We are getting OH's family to help as they will be down the week before, but I don't want to lump too much on them.

    I'm sure it will go fine but I need to have everything perfect and organised and it is looking like that's not possible!


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