Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

Meg101
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  • Posted: 11 Oct 2017 12:33

    Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    Hi, I'm looking at dresses at the moment for my 2 adult bridesmaids and 1 junior but haven't budgeted it even thought about shoes. I'm already paying for dresses, make up and hair. Us it ok to ask they get they're own shoes? At least then they can get Ines that are comfortable for them. I also would like my junior bridesmaid's parents to get her shoes/socks or tights because I have no idea when it comes to children's wear and they may already have something. Do you think that's an acceptable ask?

  • Posted: 11 Oct 2017 13:10

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    I think so but there are people out there who will disagree. The bridesmaids on don't tell the bride always kick off when the groom has forgotten to get shoes...

    The thing is, they may already have acceptable shoes in their wardrobe that are already broken in. If you were dictating the style of shoe then perhaps you would need to be the one to get them, but if it's just "find some comfy shoes you like" then they'll probably just wear some they already have (unless they really want an excuse to go shoe shopping).

    I'd say it's fine since you're paying for the most expensive parts of their outfits

  • Posted: 11 Oct 2017 15:27

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    Yes! I asked my bridesmaids to get their own shoes, and having been a bridesmaids 3 times before, I've never had shoes bought for me (nor would I expect them to unless they wanted specfic shoes).

    If you want them to buy a specfic shoe then yes, you should pay. If not, then it's fine as they may have some suitable already.

  • Posted: 12 Oct 2017 16:38

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    I am lucky as my adult bridesmaid offered to buy all of the dresses etc for my bridesmaids I did want to get her some really nice shoes as a gift however.

     

    Most people I know bought their dresses but the bridesmaid provided their own shoes, and were told we're all buying silver/black etc and it was up to them to sort it themselves.  I think it's fine asking the little girls parents to sort the shoes and tights too - shoe fittings can be really changeable depending on style and shop and also there's lots of styles children aren't comfortable in.

     

     

  • Posted: 13 Oct 2017 9:02

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    The way I've always seen it is, if you want to have a say in how it looks, you pay. If you don't mind what shoes they wear, by all means ask them to sort themselves out. I don't think it's a problem.

    I paid for dress and hair for my bridesmaids as I wanted them to look how I pictured. Makeup and shoes I didn't care, so that was up to them. It helped that they had long dresses, so the shoes weren't really seen anyway. 

  • Posted: 13 Oct 2017 10:09

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    I think it's much easier for them to get their own shoes, so long as they have a choice.  You can't really specify colour/make but if you're not bothered then let them find their own.

     

  • Posted: 13 Oct 2017 13:43

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    I agree.  I think it's totally acceptable to ask your bridesmaids to buy their own shoes.

    Shoes are quite a personal thing. I have very sensitive feet and would hate the thought of having to spend my best friends' wedding day with sore feet. I would much rather choose my own.

  • Posted: 13 Oct 2017 23:04

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    I think it's definitely acceptable. I have 4 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls and I already know the bridesmaids are happy to choose and pay for their shoes. I was a bridesmaid for my sister and paid for my shoes, but she picked them out for me and I hated them!

    I'll be buying their dresses but I'm going to be doing my own makeup so have said if they want someone to do theirs they'll need to cover that - not sure if that's harsh or not? I would do theirs too but time will be super tight + stress etc.

    i say as long as you give them a suggestion they'll be happy to pay - they can choose the style most suitable for them then! xx

  • Posted: 14 Oct 2017 13:03

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    it depends:

    • if you are asking them to wear something they already own then its fine
    • if you are asking them specifically to buy something new then its not ok
  • Posted: 15 Oct 2017 11:02

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    Hi - good question! I have actually just been through this as well, with four bridesmaids all of very different heights and ages. My solution was to buy them matching multiway dresses plus matching ballet pumps. I found mine in H&M for £8.99 a pair, and they are actually really nice. I have just said to them all that they have the option either of wearing the ballet pumps all day, or of wearing (their own) heels for the first part of the day and switching to the ballet pumps later. (And we have  also ordered the dresses in lengths which will accommodate that.)

    My bridesmaids have all been perfectly happy with this. Two of them (one who is around 5ft 3" but is only 18, and one who is not 18 but who is 5' 11" in her socks!) are planning to wear the ballet shoes all day, and the other two (both in their 30s, both around 5ft) are planning on wearing their own heels at first and then switching down when the heels become too much.

    This does mean that I won't have any say in what sort of style or colour shoes the two who will be in heels will be wearing (although only because I don't feel that I want to dictate to those two what they should wear, given that I won't be paying for them) but otherwise as far as I'm concerned this is a great outcome overall and I'm delighted - and it has got me out of feeling as if I have to choose and potentially pay for four pairs of expensive shoes which probably wouldn't have suited everyone anyway!

    Good luck xx

     

     

  • Posted: 15 Oct 2017 21:33

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    I'm happy for them to wear what they feel comfortable in and I trust they ahve good taste. I'm not giving them a shoe brief so I think I'll ask them if they're happy to buy their own

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  • Posted: 18 Oct 2017 16:06

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    Hi,

    I've asked my bridesmaids to sort their own shoes - thy're all wearing the same multi-way dress but in different ways so i'm happy for them to wear shoes which they're comfortable in and make them feel like themselves.  They know the colour scheme and i trust them not to get anything ridiculous!  With log dresses you'll barely see shows anyway!

  • Posted: 18 Oct 2017 17:47

    Re: Is it ok to request bridesmaids find own shoes?

    I bought my bridesmaids their shoes but actually wish I'd just asked them to sort themselves out. I think it would of been easier for them to pick something they felt more comfortable in, I gave them lots of choices for what I would buy but feel like they just went along with what each other said and their shoes are pretty high!! eek!

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