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MrsHappilyEverAfter
Beginner June 2013

I am in a terrible predicament!

MrsHappilyEverAfter, 18 of September of 2012 at 16:47 Posted on Planning 0 17

Hi Everyone,

I am in a horrible situation. I was originally getting married in July next year and because I now work in a school Ive changed the date to 1st June as I have 2 weeks off school holidays. I wasn't happy that I'd have to work the day before the wedding and then go straight back on the Monday so the new date is much better.

Anyway, after confirming it all with the church, venue and photographer (successfully) I realised that the 1st is my aunties birthday. I messaged her to let her know that my wedding was now that day and apoligised as I hadn't realised it was her birthday.

I got a reply which basically said she had already booked a venue for her birthday (40th) and that my grandparents already knew about it as she'd had it planned a while. (news to me) I just feel like shes tried to manipulate me by mentioning my grandparents in her reply. It was like she was trying to say, change YOUR wedding or else your grandparents won't be coming.

I am really upset.

I don't really know what to do. My OH said there no way we should change our date as we chose it as it suited US.

I just can't seem to think of anyway around this. Any advice?

17 replies

Latest activity by Kjay, 30 of September of 2012 at 13:25
  • rachel2012
    Expert June 2024
    rachel2012 ·
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    I think it will be a lot easier for her to change her birthday than it will be for you 2 change your wedding, specially since you have valid reasons for having it on that date. as previously said I can't see your grandparents choosing a birthday over a wedding as you can celebrate a birthday on any day really in many different ways, weddings not so much.

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  • karenanne229
    Beginner October 2013
    karenanne229 ·
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    Maybe your grand parents will come to the day for yours and the evening of hers, not ideal but a compromise. She's being a little unreasonable as far as I'm concerned. I have to say, I don't think weddings outdo birthdays but given the planning that's involved in a wedding she should be a little more reasonable. Couldn't she do her party on the Friday night? or the following weekend?

    I'd just say that you're sorry it clashes but it's the only date you could do and unfortunately you cannot change it now

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  • J
    Beginner August 2013
    Jessie_bride ·
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    I think if it's the date you want then you should stick to it, but accept that there's a chance that some may not come if your Aunt has booked and planned her party?

    Could you ask your grandparents in a subtle way if they had arranged to go to your Aunt's birthday that date?

    It's a tricky one, I'd want my grandparents there but I know others would not find it a dealbreaker and as you say the date works for you, and it's about you and your OH ultimately.

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  • J
    Beginner August 2013
    Jessie_bride ·
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    I think if it's the date you want then you should stick to it, but accept that there's a chance that some may not come if your Aunt has booked and planned her party?

    Could you ask your grandparents in a subtle way if they had arranged to go to your Aunt's birthday that date?

    It's a tricky one, I'd want my grandparents there but I know others would not find it a dealbreaker and as you say the date works for you, and it's about you and your OH ultimately.

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  • MrsHappilyEverAfter
    Beginner June 2013
    MrsHappilyEverAfter ·
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    My parents aren't too happy. Their not happy that she's bought my grandparents into it and made out like they won't come.

    She lives about 2 hours away so unfortunately it wouldnt be possible to do both and my grandparents live in between us so even harder for them to do both on the day.

    I don't want to be selfish to my auntie either, at the end of the day its not her fault either , i wasn't to know. I just feel like one of us will loose out and it's probably going to be me by my family not being in attendence.

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  • pandorasbox
    Beginner August 2012
    pandorasbox ·
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    Hmm tricky one. Has she already sent out invites etc for her birthday? If not then you could get your invites out ASAP and beat her to it. But if you had originally told everyone in the family one date, then she has arranged hers, then you have changed yours I can see why she might be feeling a bit miffed.

    As you say, you feel you may lose out...is there no other date you can get in whole of the 6 week holidays or in the May-June half term? If not then you may just need to accept some of your family may/will not choose to come to your wedding. I am sure grandparents would understand a wedding is a one-off and make the choice to come to yours.

    On the other hand I am sure your auntie would argue her 40th is only a one-off too!

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  • JonCraven
    JonCraven ·
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    I agree, get your invites out and hope that they'll understand...

    Thinking about it, wouldn't it be easier for her to come to your wedding and celebrate your wedding AND her birthday with all your family? Why does it have to be separate?

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  • MrsHappilyEverAfter
    Beginner June 2013
    MrsHappilyEverAfter ·
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    I see it from exactly your point of view pandorasbox.

    Had i have know she was planning a party I never would have booked it. Our problem was that either the church/photographer/venue was booking on the days throughout the 6 week holidays. I have two weeks off for may/june half term which is why we went for the middle weekend. As im organising the catering/buffet with the help of a few people i needed a few days before the wedding to prepare so the first weekend of the hols was out of the question and if i had it on the last week i still would have the problem of going straight back to work on the monday morning.

    Its a tough one as i dont want to ruin her plans too!

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  • K
    Beginner August 2013
    kayzz ·
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    We had the same sort of situation for our engagemet party. We booked it only to be told by OHs brother that this was the date they had for their daughters christening (news to us) However we booked first and got invites out so in the end they changed it, actually they still havent got their daughter christened yet...

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  • MrsHappilyEverAfter
    Beginner June 2013
    MrsHappilyEverAfter ·
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    She empathised that she had at least 100 people going to her party and she booked a hotel and caters, and with us living so far apart sharing the day would make it hard for guests ect. Good idea though

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  • kitty83
    Beginner March 2014
    kitty83 ·
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    We realised once we'd booked our wedding that it falls on the same day as my auntie's 65th birthday, and 3 days after my gran and grandad's golden wedding anniversary! It's also my cousin's (who is a BM) 8th birthday the day after, and my birthday 4 days after that! My family have been great, and are glad that's when we have planned the wedding as it means everyone will be together to celebrate, and we are having a big family meal the night before the wedding, they have even commented that it saves them paying for a party! Ironically, the only person who has a problem with this arrangement is my mother, who insists we must now invite all the distant relatives to the whole day and not just the evening, as otherwise they will miss the get togther the night before! (we're getting married 80 miles from where all my family live) Erm, not my problem, sorry..........!

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  • mickeyandminnie
    Beginner July 2015
    mickeyandminnie ·
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    Please don't take this the wrong way, but if your family choose a 40th birthday over your wedding, then i wouldnt want them there anyway!

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  • MrsHappilyEverAfter
    Beginner June 2013
    MrsHappilyEverAfter ·
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    Hi Everyone,

    Just a quick update. I've spoke to my Grandmother who has reassured me that she will do everything she can to make my big day without letting my Aunt down either. So I think she's planning on coming to my ceremony then leaving the reception early.Which I don't mind as it is quiet a drive back so I wouldn't have expected them to stay too late anyway.

    Just a big thanks for all of your advice, it made me feel much better about the situation and I can now happily say im going to be a 1st of June bride Smiley laugh

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  • Elixia
    Beginner March 2014
    Elixia ·
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    My thoughts exactly, i think your auntie might come around eventually. she's probably feels a bit like her nose has been put out bu thats her problem and not yours

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  • Kjay
    Beginner August 2013
    Kjay ·
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    Pleased you have got things sorted- you can crack on with your planning now ?

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