Hen party advice

Page 1 of 1 (6 items)
Sort Posts:
  • Posted: 7 Jun 2018 15:09

    Hen party advice

    Hi ladies


    i just wanted a little bit of advice really. I’m the maid of honour for my friends wedding in August. She asked me to organise three hen do’s - one abroad in Benidorm, one back home for family and another for a big night out for work friends. 

    Benidorm was all sorted and was working out at just over £100 each which was more than do-able but last month she rang to say she wanted me to cancel Benidorm (no flights had been booked yet and hotel was free cancellation) as she now didn’t feel comfortable wearing swimming wear as she hasn’t lost as much weight as she had hoped and change it to Amsterdam. Due to the last minute trying to find accommodation in Amsterdam the prices were expensive so it’s now worked out at £240 for people. The numbers have dropped down from 14-6 due to the cost which is understandable. 


    I have had had to pay for the brides flights out of my own pocket so my cost has gone to £480 without even getting there and spending a penny. I have finally managed to get a new job after 2 years of night shifts which starts next Tuesday so I’ve gone from my final weekly pay this week until now not getting paid until the last day in July and my car has been written off so now have to use my savings for the hen do to purchase a car. 


    I messaged the bride early early this week (due to go tomorrow) to say the complete truth and that I was sorry I couldn’t go and that I would still pay my share of the hotel so it wouldn’t affect anyone else but I can’t afford the spending money now. She sent me back a lovely understanding text and I was so relieved but then the phone calls started and she ended up pressuring me into saying I would accept a £250 loan from her until. I reiterated that I’m not the sort of person who lends money of friends and I don’t want to have another debt looming over my head when we are living tight this month. 


    Am am I being completely unreasonable if I put my foot down and say I’m not going (bear in mind her other hen do’s are in two weeks where I will have to fork out another £100+) 

  • Posted: 11 Jun 2018 11:25

    Re: Hen party advice

    Thats a really tough position to be in, and it doesnt seem fair on you at all. 3 Hen Do's is very demanding, especially with one being abroad. 


    Will she be paying you back for her flight, seeing as she wanted it all changed? 

    Don't allow yourself to get into financial issues because of this, its her wedding and she shouldn't expect everyone else to get into debt because of it. 

  • Posted: 11 Jun 2018 13:53

    Re: Hen party advice

    Oh wow, this is a tough position for you.

    In all honesty, I really think she is being unreasonable - that is a massive amount of money to pay for a hen do - I wouldn't go at that cost. 

    Also - 3 hen do's? I can understand 2 - one weekend, and one night out at home for people who couldn't go to the weekend, but asking you to organise one for her family is a bit much. Regarding this, I would suggest combining them - maybe do an afternoon tea for her family, followed by the night out with friends? 

    But back to the costs, I think she needs to rethink this completely. Is she going to be happy about the fact that only 6 people can go? Better to do a cheaper weekend in the UK that everyone can afford! Or have you already got flights and accomm. sorted? Honestly, I really think she needs to at the very least pay for her own flights and accommodation - none of this loan malarkey, seeing as it was her choice to change it all at the last minute and make it so much more expensive. 

    Are there any other bridesmaids that can split the costs with you, or will her family pitch in? I'm guessing the other Hens aren't up for it as they're forking out so much already. 

    I'm sorry I can't really offer any more advice, just lots of sympathy for you, I hope you manage to work something out! X

  • Posted: 11 Jun 2018 18:08

    Re: Hen party advice

    I actually think the bride is being rather selfish having 3 hen dos and expecting you to organise all 3! 

  • Posted: 14 Jun 2018 23:18

    Re: Hen party advice

    I read your post shouting "what? what?" at the screen!  You poor faithful friend.  I'm horrified that you've been expected to take on so much.
    Put your foot down and agree to organise one hen do.  The bride is out of order, especially for cancelling the Benidorm do for such a flimsy reason.

  • Posted: 16 Jun 2018 12:07

    Re: Hen party advice

    i would advise to think twice, it is a hard position i would say. But you definitely should discuss financial issues

Return to: Wedding Planning
Page 1 of 1 (6 items)