Hen do dilemma

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  • Posted: 11 Jun 2019 16:09

    Hen do dilemma

    Hi all , 


    I’m really after a bit of advice regarding my hen do , Sorry for the length of the post in advance!

    I’m getting married next year and one of my best friends has booked the hen do. I’m not meant to know any of the details as it was all meant to be a surprise.

    However last week when she was drunk she was showing me something in her e mails and scrolling through them, she said ‘oh that’s just the hen do venue’. I saw the name of the place we were staying in the subject line and couldn’t help but to look it up to see where it was. 

    The venue is gorgeous for a holiday, not for what I wanted for my hen do.  It’s a huge house in the middle of nowhere and a 4 hour drive away from where I live. ( I had asked for it to be close by about an hour or 1.5 hours max as my nan is not in good health.). I wanted to go to a city have cocktails and something silly like a strip show for a bit of a laugh.

    I have also since found out we are going on a  Monday – Friday ( I asked for it to be a weekend )and not planning on doing anything but staying in the house. This means I and other people in my group are having to take a whole week off work to come to it! I wanted 2 other of the girls in my office to come but we can’t have that many off work at once for that length of time.

    It’s also a lot more expensive than what I suggested.  2 people have already dropped out because of how much it will be (£300+ just for the accommodation alone each) Probably with food/ drink and travel etc it going to be about £500 minimum. It’s really upset me that my friends who I want to be there feel they can’t afford it.  When booking it she didn’t consult any of my bridesmaids and I feel she’s done it as a bit of a holiday for her rather than a hen do that I wanted. It’s quite a mix of people and I feel that length of time and confined space is going to be really awkward. 

    Obviously I’m really grateful for the work my friend has put in, but it’s not at all what I wanted from my hen do- am I completely out of order to step in and change it? Any advice how I might bring the subject up with her without coming across a complete utter ungrateful cow :( ? 






  • Posted: 13 Jun 2019 6:54

    Re: Hen do dilemma

    It’s lovely that you’re thinking of others as so many brides don’t seem to care how much people might end up out of pocket for their hen do/weekend. 

    I would politely say that a few of the others have mentioned that they can’t make it due to the cost and also can’t get a week off work for it and see what she says then take things from there. It does sound like because she can afford it she’s thinking that everyone else can too.

    Good luck! Keep us posted.

  • Posted: 16 Jun 2019 18:53

    Re: Hen do dilemma

    surely she cant book it without you being free... tell her you simply cant do mon-fri and thats the end of it really because you cant have a hen do without the hen

  • Posted: 17 Jun 2019 11:22

    Re: Hen do dilemma

    I would tell her that you don't have enough holiday to do the Mon-Fri - I'm guessing you're taking time off for the wedding and potentially honeymoon too? 

    Also as above, let her know that a few people have mentioned that they can't come due to cost, and ask her if she can scale it back to allow them to come. I definitely wouldn't pay £500 for a hen do. 

    If she refuses, I'd call her out - is she just trying to get a holiday she wants off the back of your hen?

    You can be nice when you check the dates and cost with her - just mention that you really appreciate everything she is doing, but you just have a few concerns about those aspects.

    Regarding staying in the cottage - don't worry too much about that. On loads of the hen do's I've been on, the games and shenanigans that take place in the place where we were staying were far better than going out, when everyone tends to get separated! X

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