Help for my bride speech - dad has passed

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  • Posted: 16 Mar 2019 9:50

    Help for my bride speech - dad has passed


    Sorry in advance for a sad post! I am getting married in September, and starting to think about my bride speech. 

    A bit of background - my dad passed away 4 years ago from a heart attach, 6 months before I met my fiance. 18 months later, my stepdad (since I was 3) was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away a few months later (2015 & 2016 were pretty crappy years, apart from the fact I met my fiance then!). My fiance supported me through that amazingly! 

    I should also maybe add that the anniversary of my stepdad passing is the day after our wedding (the 15th, we get married on the 14th). I checked this was ok with my mum before we booked, she is looking forward to having something happy to enjoy around that date.

    On our wedding, my brother will be playing dad's guitar for my entrance, but I'm walking down the aisle on my own and giving myself away. I'm wearing a necklace with dad's ashes, and I'm getting a charm with his picture to go on my bouquet. We're also having a memory ladder for both him and my stepdad.

    My mum and stepmum get on amazingly well, and will both be on top table.

    I am giving a speech, and want to mention both my dad and stepdad in it, and raise a toast to them. But I don't want it to be too morbid and go on for ages about my dad, do a toast for him, then do it all again for my stepdad. But I also don't want to do the whole 'I'm sure X is with us today', as I want it to be meaningful. I also want to get across the fact that I'm gutted my fiance never got to meet my dad, but again without being too morbid. Just really struggling with how to set the tone. Also, at which point should I mention them - do I do it first to get it out of the way, will it get lost in the middle, or should I do it at the end before I hand over to my fiance to do his speech? 

    If anyone has done this themselves, or has any suggestions, I'd really appreciate it! 

    Thanks! X

  • Posted: 16 Mar 2019 16:54

    Re: Help for my bride speech - dad has passed

    Hi sweet, just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss, losing 2 people who are close to you in a short space of time is awful but it's good that you've decided to mention them in your speech.

    Firstly start off with the formalities "thanks for being here everyone, it means a lot to us that you could all be here" then go on and mention how you met, a funny story or two about you both and then move onto saying the reasons why you are getting married to your wonderful fiance. "He's kind, funny, sweet etc." Then mention about your losses "In 2016 my stepdad passed away, my fiance supported me and helped me through such a difficult time for my family and I wouldn't have been able to get through it without him etc". Then go on to say, "6 months before I met my fiance my father passed away, 2015 and 2016 were 2 of the most difficult years for me, and as I stand here today I know my father would be so proud to call you his son-in-law. You make the dark days brighter, and you give me the strength to carry on day by day. (Or something like that, I'm not the best writter unfortunately)"

    I'm not sure what I would say after that, but I hope this has helped a bit xx

  • Posted: 17 Mar 2019 13:11

    Re: Help for my bride speech - dad has passed

    From shooting of weddings and seeing 100s of speeches I would first say that you are very strong for even contemplating a bride speech in such difficult circumstances.

    I would say to do the Dad's part in the middle so that you can hand over to your groom on a higher note - he would no doubt start with a response about wishing he had met you sooner so he could of met your Dad's - but perhaps reflect on how he can almost feel that he has met them through you. So his Dad's remark is at the start oh his speech and he can carry on from there to build up to the best man's speech which could then be the standard full on best man's normal delivery without seeming like a sudden change of tone.

    Make sure that you let your photographer know about Dad's guitar/ necklace and locket so that they can get some shots.     

  • Posted: 17 Mar 2019 22:19

    Re: Help for my bride speech - dad has passed

    I agree with what has been posted above....its not easy.....Have it in the middle....Is there a funny anecdote for each dad that you can use...that might make it easier.....thoughts are with you..



  • Posted: 18 Mar 2019 8:45

    Re: Help for my bride speech - dad has passed

    Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I will go with having something about it in the middle as you've suggested. Definitely plenty of funny anecdotes! I'll have to jot a few down and work out the appropriate ones. 

    I know it will be tough, but I feel like I owe it to them, and I don't want anyone to do my talking for me. Plus I spoke at both of their funerals, and Dad had over 300 people attend, so I'm telling myself it will be fine...!  

    Thank you again, you've all helped a lot Smile x

  • Posted: 18 Mar 2019 8:50

    Re: Help for my bride speech - dad has passed

    'What I'd like him to of said' - Here's the serious bit

    followed by

    'What he probably would of said' - There's the light hearted bit


    It cherishes him in both ways and pulls everyone out of any sadness to a fond reminiscence

  • Posted: 18 Mar 2019 12:36

    Re: Help for my bride speech - dad has passed

    Thanks Chris, that's a great idea! X

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