H2B rude Grandma

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  • Posted: 10 Mar 2019 9:51

    H2B rude Grandma

    Myself (25) and H2B (26) have been together 11 years since school and are getting married in August. 

    My OH’s grandma is 80, is probably seen as the family matriarch, she retired from teaching 20 years ago and can come across quite abrupt and authorative at times and just a general busy body but I always liked her as she brought my OH and his sister up as children when their mother was always drinking. However I have noticed a rather rude change In her behaviour towards me since we announced we had booked a wedding date.

    The first time was a few weeks after we took her save the date round and I handed it to her whilst my OH was parking down the drive, she said to me ‘I don’t think I should come as someone needs to look after the animals (her horse and dog) so I said that’s fine you will have to mention this to my OH. However when he came up the drive she said a rather twisted version of what she said to me ‘ I was thinking I couldn’t come to the wedding but actually I will come if you want me to’ to which his reply was of course he wants her to!

    The same afternoon we sat down for lunch and she exclaims out of nowhere ‘so you’ve managed to get him up the aisle then!!’ Which I rolled my eyes and just ignored, I sensed she clearly had an issue as she quite likes to mother my OH more than the other adult grandchildren.

    The next incident I found out was when she let slip to me whilst I was helping her in the kitchen a few weeks later that she had asked my OH behind my back after we announced the news ‘if he was sure he wanted to get married’. Of course he told her he did and didn’t mention it to me probably not to cause upset but it did cause me upset when I found out as she is only his grandmother and she is starting to stick her nose where it isn’t wanted and I get the impression she thinks I’ve conjured up this elaborate wedding and he’s the unwilling party for some reason. Which I tried to explain to her it was actually his idea and we both agreed we were ready after 11 years to get married. 

    I think in her eyes nobody is good enough for her grandson and she clearly thinks because of her age she is entitled to say whatever she wants.

    I have known his grandma was an interfering busybody for some years as she once said to me ‘ I bet all the ladies are after him when you go out together’ and another time she got herself a spare key cut to our house behind our back whilst house sitting and we only found out when I was sat eating breakfast one morning and she let herself in when she thought we must have both been at work.

    I let all that slide but no longer can justify her words or actions on her being 80! She isn’t senile! She still rides her horse every morning.

    The final straw since has been about 3/4 months ago she stopped me whilst we were at hers and my OH was outside as she needed me to open a tin for her. Whilst doing so, she proceeded to waffle on about how hard his sister had it with our two young nieces being hard work and then continued to say ‘...if I were you if you ever get pregnant I think you should have an abortion...’ that was the final straw! Dumbfounded!

    I have barely gone round to hers since, when I tell my partner he just awkwardly laughs and then doesn’t know how to react because he doesn’t want to be rude to his grandma that has done no wrong to him and I think justifies it on her age and won’t see it from another perspective. He understands I’m not putting any effort in with her now but when does this leave the wedding. 

    I know I can’t un-invite his rude grandma but I certainly feel I won’t be pushing the boat out with her and making effort with her on the day, she probably won’t have anything nice to say about me on the day just rude jibes. I want her as involved in my wedding day as little as possible, in as few pictures as I can get away with as I just feel I’ve been nothing but nice with her and helped her with all her jobs she can’t do and all I get in return is her asking my OH if he’s sure he wants to get married and advising that she thinks I should have an abortion if I’m ever lucky enough to even get pregnant!! 

    Age is not an excuse for sheer rudeness!

    advice how to handle on the big day and in the future????




  • Posted: 11 Mar 2019 10:02

    Re: H2B rude Grandma

    I absolutely agree that age is no excuse for rudeness! I don’t know why people of a certain age feel they are entitled to be as opinionated as they wish or should naturally have their wishes followed simply because they are older. I’m all for being respectful but it works both ways.

    In all honesty on the actual day you have some many other people there that family get pushed to one side anyway (luckily for me as my in laws aren’t exactly welcoming. My FIL barely uttered 2 words to me except what he thought were jokey comments!)

    i would bring it up with your fiancé just to explain how uncomfortable she makes you feel and yes you will include her in the day but it will be minimal. Make sure you give your photographer your must take photos and this can limit the amount of official portraits she is in. I don’t know if you are planning on having her sit at the top table but perhaps she could host her own table saving snide remarks etc. We did this and it made a huge difference to the day for us.

    good luck x

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