Guest list woes!

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  • Posted: 9 Oct 2012 8:56

    Guest list woes!

    Morning everyone,

    I hope all you lovely people are well! I need your advice on the dreaded guest list.....

    I can imagine that my problem is a very common one and I just don't know what to do. I come from a fairly large family and have lots of cousins, 2 of which (Dad's side of the family) I am very close to and have no doubt in my mind that I will be inviting them to the whole day. I then have another 3 cousins who I see at all our family events (Dad's side of the family) and would quite like to be at the whole day. Now comes the dilemma....... I have another 4 cousins on my Mum's side who I don't really see or know well at all and I can't really justify them being at the whole day.

    Now, if I invite the 3 cousins that I always see at family events and not the 4 cousins who I never see I know that I will upset my mum and potentially my Aunty and Uncle and I really don't want to do that Sad

    There are also another 2 cousins who I haven't seen for years and know nothing about (also Mum's side of the family) so won't be inviting them at all - we weren't invited to their weddings so not too worried on that front!

    So who do I invite? We worked out that it would cost an extra £455 ish to have the 7 of them there - alot of money for people I'm not close to!

    This is driving me mad, I would hate to upset up anyone!

    All advice most gratefully received.


  • Posted: 9 Oct 2012 9:43

    Re: Guest list woes!

    It is a very common problem, you're right. Are your parents contributing to costs at all? If not, perhaps you could mention that costs for the wedding breakfast are getting higher and higher and would they be able to help with the guest list and perhaps pay for a proportion of the guests that they want there?

    E.g. at my first wedding, both sets of parents paid equal amounts and we put in the rest according to what we wanted (when I think of the money spent on that wedding now I just want to cry!!!) but my parents then put a list forward of 'their' friends who had known me since I was a baby and who they wanted at the evening do, but they then paid the £11 per head or whatever it was for those people to come.

    I think you need to have a bit of a frank talk with your parents at the outset and get things set out. It's the only way to do it - it's your wedding, they've had theirs.

  • Posted: 9 Oct 2012 13:48

    Re: Guest list woes!

    I've been pretty ruthless with our guest list to be honest.

    I'm only inviting family members I see often, or want there - I'm not even inviting one of my dad's two brothers (mainly because a) I can't bear his dragon of a wife and b) because I wasn't invited to their daughters wedding).

    If there are family members you want there, then invite them but if parents are demanding them to be there, ask them to help with the costs

  • Posted: 10 Oct 2012 0:01

    Re: Guest list woes!

    Hi Laura,

    It really is up to you who you want to be there and yes take into account your parents wishes if you want.

    I have decided to invite some uncles, aunties and cousins to the whole day because we see them, however, I am not inviting one of my mum's brothers and his family to any of the day as they had a 'fall out' a few years back and I am inviting one of my dad's sisters and her family to the evening do only as we are not close and don't see each other despite not living far apart. On my OH's side we have invited his uncles and aunties but only one of his cousins who we see and not the others!

    It was our decision but I ran it past my parents and they agree with who we are inviting or not so I am not going to worry about what anyone else thinks - as in family who aren't invited!

    Posted: 10 Oct 2012 0:24

    Re: Guest list woes!

    Hi laura02010,

    it is so hard to please everyone. I agree with the others that it's your day and you shouldn't have to explain the reasons for not inviting people. I'm sure your parents will understand but stay firm as my mother wanted people she socialises with to attend all day but i have never met these people so i refused.

    My OH sister invited only a few aunts and cousins to her secongd wedding and caused a near nuclear melt down in the family. therefore we have invited all of them which means i have 107 immediate family from both sides for my day reception!! Our parents are contributing thankfully otherwise i would've ran away abroad to save on costs and arguments. 

  • Posted: 10 Oct 2012 15:07

    Re: Guest list woes!

    Hi Laura

    I had the same problem, I see all of my cousins from my Mums side, but from my Dads side we only keep in touch with one aunty and one uncle, and their families. I went with the rule of "if they dont keep in touch, dont invite them". If we arent close, it really wont make a huge difference or upset them so much. And if it does upset anyone, we are so distant that they probably wouldn't ring me to complain, so I will never know if they are offended! Budget made a big difference for us too, as if I had invited all of my non-close relatives from that side (4 sets of aunty and uncles, 16 cousins) it would have cost us nearly £2000 extra. My Dad is very understanding about this, as he knows we are on a strict budget. Im sure your mum would understand, too.

  • Posted: 10 Oct 2012 17:11

    Re: Guest list woes!

    I have been very strict my sister had around 300 all day guests at her wedding mainly relatives she did not know and parents friends. I am having 60 all day guest full stop, mainly close friends. I looked from the view 'would I be happy to buy you a meal'. 

    Mum found it abit difficult to accept at first but she has got use to the idea and now says how sensible I am. Have a chat with your mum, and remember its your day! 

    I only want meaningful people at the wedding, a really intimate affair.

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