Feeling really stressed - please help!

ExpensiveOrangeDecor51351
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  • Posted: 19 Jul 2018 1:50

    Feeling really stressed - please help!

    Hi everyone,

    My partner and I have been talking seriously about getting married next year, and have found our dream venue, which is only open for weddings in August. They have one available date next year and I am so tempted to book it but the problem is, we're not engaged yet! 

    I don't really want to commit before speaking to friends and family and checking they're free (we are going through a phase with tons of weddings so there's a risk that our friends may have another wedding that date). However, it feels weird to ask people to save the date when we aren't even engaged!

    My partner has planned a proposal but it isn't immediate (e.g. within the next month) and I'm feeling really anxious about how to best handle this. He says that I have to accept that something has to give - i.e. he proposes sooner and it isn't the surprise he's planned, we risk our friends not being able to make it, we tell them and risk looking a bit odd or we risk losing the venue by waiting.

    All of these options feel so unappealing and I feel really stuck. Does anybody have any advice? The option I'm leaning towards is speaking to friends and family but the main issue I have with this is that I think some may think my partner has failed in some way by not proposing yet. I thought maybe I could tell them that he has offered to take me to choose a ring or something so it is clear that a proposal is on the cards but they don't feel like I have been shortchanged by the lack of surprise/romance. However, I'm not sure if my parents (for example) would like the idea that I didn't get a traditional surprise proposal. 

    I am totally overthinking this and would appreciate any thoughts and solutions!

    Thanks :)

  • Posted: 19 Jul 2018 12:25

    Re: Feeling really stressed - please help!

    Book the venue, don't tell anyone, let your OH do the proposal and then you can do one big announcement. 

    Chances are if people were getting married that day, you'd already have a Save The Date, and if your family/friends are talking about anything they might have going on around that time - try and put them off. 

    Whatever date you pick, there will be people that can't make it, so just try not to stress about it. 

    Hope this helps!

    X

  • Posted: 19 Jul 2018 12:36

    Re: Feeling really stressed - please help!

    Another thought is that you could tell people that you have something planned for that day and they should keep it free, but don't tell them what. Maybe if either of you has a birthday near there it could be for that or something? 

  • Posted: 20 Jul 2018 21:57

    Re: Feeling really stressed - please help!

    I don’t mean to sound harsh but I think you are overthinking it. Book the venue you want when you can. Have the lovely proposal them make your announcement. You would be likely to know already if the most important people couldn’t be there next August. (Parents , siblings, best friends etc) no matter what it’s likely some people will not be able to make an august wedding as it’s prime holiday as well as wedding season. This will happen however much notice you give people. 

    Have the venue date and proposal and enjoy it all. X

  • Posted: 8 Sep 2018 21:47

    Re: Feeling really stressed - please help!

    ExpensiveOrangeDecor51351:

    Hi everyone,

    My partner and I have been talking seriously about getting married next year, and have found our dream venue, which is only open for weddings in August. They have one available date next year and I am so tempted to book it but the problem is, we're not engaged yet! 

    I don't really want to commit before speaking to friends and family and checking they're free (we are going through a phase with tons of weddings so there's a risk that our friends may have another wedding that date). However, it feels weird to ask people to save the date when we aren't even engaged!

    My partner has planned a proposal but it isn't immediate (e.g. within the next month) and I'm feeling really anxious about how to best handle this. He says that I have to accept that something has to give - i.e. he proposes sooner and it isn't the surprise he's planned, we risk our friends not being able to make it, we tell them and risk looking a bit odd or we risk losing the venue by waiting.

    All of these options feel so unappealing and I feel really stuck. Does anybody have any advice? The option I'm leaning towards is speaking to friends and family but the main issue I have with this is that I think some may think my partner has failed in some way by not proposing yet. I thought maybe I could tell them that he has offered to take me to choose a ring or something so it is clear that a proposal is on the cards but they don't feel like I have been shortchanged by the lack of surprise/romance. However, I'm not sure if my parents (for example) would like the idea that I didn't get a traditional surprise proposal. 

    I am totally overthinking this and would appreciate any thoughts and solutions!

    Thanks :)

    Hiya lovely, I'm in a similar kinda boat. Me and my OH have been together 13 years and have spoken about marriage alot! But we aren't engaged. Then one night I stupidly entered a 'win a wedding' competition and won free venue hire of my chosen venue (how awkward do you think that conversation was?! Haha). Anyway we both agreed that it would be silly to waste the opportunity and we went along to view the venue. Not only did we love it, but they had that date we wanted free in 2020 so we looked it there and then! This was 5 weeks ago, so I'm getting married but I'm not engaged yet haha. I've told a few very close friends and his mum what's happening. But the rest I'm waiting until he's surprised to tell..... it has been so hard because I'm so excited and can't wait to tell everyone but I know it would spoil it for my OH. He's a big softie and wants the big romantic proposal. 

     

    Just book your date and people that want to be there will be there xx

  • Posted: 9 Sep 2018 12:07

    Re: Feeling really stressed - please help!

    argh... sorry mine probably won't be an answer you like.  My feeling is that if your chap was really sold on the idea of the august wedding and this venue he would have already proposed.  So my advice is do nothing.  If you book the venue you will lose your deposit if for any reason he is not ready to marry then.

    Give him more time and when he's ready you can book the venue you love for the following August.

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