hey everyone , I’m fairly new here I joined up earlier this year when I got engaged but I’ve mostly been a reader rather than a writer of posts. I made the decision to write a post today in the hope that it might make me feel better.
Planning my wedding is just making me feel so hurt and money. I don’t have a huge circle don’t get me wrong and there’s been the usual stress along the way. I’m 29 and I’ve lived with my partner for 4.5 years before he proposed, so I get that people knew we were in it for the long term, but I’m the eldest of 4 and the first to get married and he’s a middle child but also first to get married and nobody seems to be exited for us.
i have a MOH who I’ve known since I was 4 and were supposed to be best friendss, you’d think it was her wedding with the dramas she’s thrown up about her dress (she changed her mind 3 months after getting it and decided she didn’t like it), she came to my second bridal appointment to see my dress but didn’t come to any fittings, I live in a different town but she drives and it’s only 20 minutes away, she’s single, still lives with her parents, doesn’t work and has nothing but time on her hands so it’s not like she has other commitments. It’s hit me harder today because I’ve had my last fitting (on my own again) and my dress is rubbing me at the top I read on here about body glide so I’ve ordered some and asked if she’d come over one day so she could fasten me into my dress so that I can have a trial of wearing it with the body glide to make sure it doesn’t rub she said she’d come ‘if she’d got time.’
I cant really blame my sisters who are my other two bridesmaids for not really getting involved as one is only 14 and the other is 22 but a student who lives a 4 hour train journey away. But I did feel like they’d be more excited for me. Even my mum is more focused on who is attending that she doesn’t like/doesn’t want to speak to rather than offering to help or the fact she wants me to lend her money for her outfit and hotel room when we’re already struggling with money ourselves with saving for the wedding. My auntie and some of my friends who I’ve known a lot less time are excited for me but they all live in different parts of the country so although they offer help they can’t actually do much for me as it’s the in person sort of stuff I would have liked, like coming with me when I go shopping etc.
Ivr literally planned the whole thing myself while working two jobs (one of which is my own business), studying my final year with the open university and taking care of the house etc. h2B does what he can like driving me to hair and makeup trial but then sometimes he whinges about having to do that and I just think does nobody care about me enough to actually want to help me with this wedding at all? Like just to take a bit of the stress off for me. I know that sounds like I’m wallowing but the last few weeks as the wedding grows closer (it’s 3 weeks away) I feel like I’m just feeling lower and lower :(
any advice or just some encouraging words that it will be ok and I’ll enjoy the day would be very welcome!
It will all be ok, and you'll have a great day.
I'm sorry that your friends and family haven't been as supportive as you'd hope. Would it help to to try to reframe your thinking a bit? Rather than thinking about no one helping, think how badass you are for having planned the whole thing by yourself while working AND studying Do you have any other local friends who might be able to help with things like the dress (even if they're not your MoH/bridesmaid)
I'm about 3 weeks from my wedding and I've been feeling a bit blah as well, so I think it's common (I hope!) I think it's just the feeling that (for me at least) I've been putting so much time and energy into what is, in the end just a day.
Nonetheless, I'm sure you'll have an amazing day. Focus on how fab it will be to get up there and marry your H2B.
Ok, time for some tough love here I think! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be happy that you’ve found someone you love who loves you and wants to marry you. Some people never find that at all. Don’t get down about people not getting excited about it. It’s your wedding and only you and your partner need to be excited about it. Don’t presume that your MOH has lots of time on her hands. She might be dealing with her own issues. Weddings aren’t everyone’s thing. Lots of people view weddings as an expensive hassle and let’s face it, they are expensive to attend, even as a guest by they time they’ve bought their outfits, presents, transport, accommodation etc. Try to put things in to perspective. Your wedding is only one day of your life. It’s not the be all and end all.
I'm totally new here, but I can understand why you'd feel hurt.
As hard as it's been, you're 3 weeks away and you've done incredibly to come this far with the amount of different things you've been managing - I don't even know you, but I'm proud!
You're on the final stretch and I'M excited for you!
You're so close, just enjoy the rest of the ride and countdown for your big day!
I'm so sorry you're going through all that, and honestly i can completely sympathise. I'm afraid i completely disagree with the tough love approach above, i dont think it should be too much at all to expect some support from your loved ones! At the end of the day thats all youre asking.
I have a sister who i adore, shes my MOH but she isnt coming to my fittings, she refuses to help me find a dress that she likes so im getting close to having to just buy something whether she likes it or not, and she hasnt replied to the bridesmaid chat for close to a month now. Im paying for everything, her dress, hair, accommodation, so it just shows it doesnt matter how hard you try, some people just cant even pretend to be excited foe you.
Have you got other friends or bridesmaids near by? Even just friends that arent included in the bridal party, but it might be good to just take some time to surround yourself with people who do take the time for you and can help you refill your cup a little bit, so to speak.
Please know you arent alone, and yes while it stands true that no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you are, your thoughts and feelings regarding the lack of support are valid and understandable!!
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