Engagement ring spend tradition gone crazy?

One months salary is a lot to save in todays climate never mind 3, or 1/3 of his annual salary!! That is crazy! As long as you love each other this is the main thing! x

Which is why im not having one!

We have lived together for three years, we have joint finances why would i expect him to pay thousand of his money on a ring? And i certainly wouldnt want to be paying for it myself!

My FIL's went to NYC and did the whole engagement thing...they have started marrried life in a shed load of debt!

That is ridiculous! Mine was about 1/2 one months salary, he considered a more expensive one but knew I would want anything a)so expensive and b)bigger diamond on my finger.

Rather spend the money on the wedding, or better still a house!!

I don't think Men feel obliged to spend any amount do they? If a man wants to propose I am fairly sure that he will just do it, regardless of what any traditions state? MrM spent far too much on mine but it was because it was the one he fell in love with and knew I would too- not because it cost him lots of money.

My ring was £249 and it's beautiful. I dont care about the money and OH knew that he could've spent £9.99 in argos and I would've said yes.

Crikey! Thats ridiculous, 1/3 of a years salary! Fair enough if you can afford that and want to spend it but not many people have that kind of disposable income do they?! We certainly don't!

I think spend what you can comfortably afford and be done with it! H2B bought me a "proposal ring" because he couldn't afford to buy in his words a proper ring, from things he was said I would guess it cost around £70ish. We have only just got round to ordering my official engagement ring which is beautiful and I do love it but the £70ish one will always mean more to me.

Its the sentiment in my opinion not the cost.

I think what is right is what is right for the couple. Stipulating a certain amount is ridiculous. And the last thing you want to do is enter a wedding already in debt!

That being said, one of my former male colleagues had no qualms about spending £16,000 on his now wife's engagement ring (2.5 carats - BLING! But certainly not the largest amongst their set of friends). It probably amounted to one month of his gross salary and two months of his net salary. [Also, I always wondered if the one month/two month/three months thing meant gross or net salary? It makes a huge difference!] At his salary, he didn't even miss it. However, another one of my former male colleagues, who was in a similar income bracket, refused to spend more than £3,000, and his now wife agreed. He was planning to move out of the industry and didn't want to over-extend himself. Plus, he had strong principles against spending too much on an engagement ring.

And, yes, I've noticed that Americans (I am one myself) - particularly those in certain industries or social circles - have a different view about engagement rings. Engagement rings certainly tend to be bigger in the States. Women tend to compare the size of their rings a lot more. Here, (and correct me if I'm wrong), it seems to be poor form to have a particularly large engagement ring? I think my fiance (who's British) was relieved when I didn't choose one that was in multiples of his monthly salary.

1/3 of your yearly salary is insane, especially when so many people cannot get together enough money for a house deposit. If someone has a spare 9k lying around and wants to spent it on a ring then that's fine for them but I don't know anyone in that situation. We're saving to buy a house and I always told my OH I'd love any ring he gave me (as long as it cost more the x-box games he regularly buys for himself!) and I meant it.

I don't know what my OH paid for my ring but I have a rough idea from the valuation certificate. I know he spent a lot more than I'd ever expected him to but it meant a lot to me that he had wanted to spend it on me rather than buy himself some crazy huge tv with surround sound.

Gemmam86: I think that's great. You're absolutely right -- what matters most, IMO, is the meaning behind the engagement ring. I don't understand precisely why some women insist on a certain amount or size. I think sometimes it's due to peer pressure. I think other times it could be due to a need to have something proved about the relationship. IMO, it would be horrible for a couple to either start off financially unstable because of an engagement ring or hold off on marriage because they can't afford a certain type of ring.

What I find despicable is the diamond and jewelry industries TELLING US that a certain amount is needed. How despicable! It's such a sham marketing ploy.

My fiancee has only been out of uni a couple of years so we don't have a lot of money but I couldn't have cared less if he'd proposed with a Hula Hoop, the main thing is that we love each other and we're getting married.

As an observation- the people who are saying they think the idea of spending large amounts on a ring is mad are the ones whose rings were not that much? If you got a group of people whose rings all cost a months salary upwards would think it was an excellent idea.

Horses for course n that.

Mine was £350 & that's plenty - I just couldn't warrant carrying around something that's worth more than that - I'd worry about losing it.

OH got excited that because I proposed it was up to me to buy the ring & I earn more than him so I could afford a big rock! He ended up paying for it on his credit card & I'm watching the joint account like a hawk to make sure he doesn't pay for it from there!

The jeweller did show me some that would have been 2 months salary but I simply didn't like them.

I have noticed this. Some of my american friends were surprised at how 'dainty' my rock is (her words not mine) I don't have very big hands though. Anything bigger looked silly!

Surely it's more crazy to spend a months salary on a dress you will wear for a few hours than a piece of jewellery you'll wear the rest of life?

I'm not saying an engagement ring SHOULD be expensive, as 'expensive' means different things to different people etc.

I know OH did spend around two and a half months salary on mine as I had to add it to the house insurance! And we spent a further £1k on our wedding rings. But my dress will be around £450 in total with alterations.

But ya know each to their own etc.

Mine was expensive but it's what we chose to spend our money on and neither of us has qualms about that. DEFO not 1/3 of an annual salary (no where near) and like Ducky I have far less of a problem spending money on our rings compared to what we spend on the fabrics of a wedding day.

Everyone I've showed my ring to has described it as 'dainty', which i love! It cost half of what my OH saved up for it and I did try a couple of larger diamond rings which just didn't suit me at all. I love jewels and would have quite willingly spent the full budget on a ring to be honest but I just love my ring so much it is perfect. It's the one thing you will be wearing everyday for the rest of your life so as long as you love it thats all that matters.

We agreed to get married (jointly) with no ring and I had looked but didn't try any on and the MIL2B offered me hers as she has arthritis and won't be able to wear it again, this was a lovely gesture from her and I have had the ring valued to insure it and we would never have been able to afford one like this. I am grateful for the family e have around us!

My ring was more than a month's salary but I think it's crazy to say how much a ring "should" cost as different people can spare different percentages of their salary. We don't have any dependents or a car so OH could save a lot but if we already had children then it would have been very different.

And we had just bought our second house and were just about to move in knowing we needed to do a number of improvements straight away.

Luckily I have a beautiful vintage ring that my man had left me and my fiancé got that restored for me.

Conpared to my American sister in law, it looks very dainty, but the sentiment out ways the money spent on it by far. Especially considering my fiancé has bought me other diamond eternity rings in the past that I wear every day anyway.

I am also quite manual and anything fancier wouldnt last very long.

We are now at the stage of buying wedding bands, and my fiancé wants to buy me one with diamonds and rubies ad he thinks my engagment ring isn't blingy enough!

I am quite happy witha plain one though. It's currently having a sample made, so we shal see! At one point we were thinking of increasing the size of he diamond in the engagement ring rather than add stones to the wedding band, as it would work out at the same cost.

I you look on bluenile at what £9k will get you, you would never be able to hold your hand up! However if you spend that in a high street shop like beaverbrooks you would get something that could look rather mundane and underwhelming

Both my rings were from bespoke jewelry designers diamond geezer (similar to bluenile moonpie) and I have to agree their knowledge of jewelry and value is miles better than any high street jeweller. My wedding band is plain but they did a fab job of that too. I paid £440 for an extra heavy weight platinum band that cost £950 in Beaverbrooks! Almost felt like a bargain!

If my other half managed to save a 3rd of his wage and then blew it all one one ring for me Id be furious!

As it happened we were broke and he bought a band of silver for £50 that he made into a ring.

To me that means more to me than any amount of money

My ring cost OH about one month of his net salary (though he was off sick and on half pay when he bought it, so does that count as 2 months? No idea.) He got a gorgeous bespoke ring for that money, and I absolutely love it. However, if he'd spent half that and still managed to get something I loved I wouldn't have cared about the money. I certainly wouldn't have wanted him to spend much more than that; I'm not really into enormo-diamonds and think that mine is just about perfect. 1/3 of his annual salary is just bat-**** crazy.

I don't like this idea of what they 'should' spend. I remember my oh saying about the 3x monthly salary (gross or net?) and I always said he'd better not spend that and that I've seen nice rings for about £500. He actually spent about half or two thirds of his monthly salary depending if you count net or gross which is plenty in my opinion. If he'd spent that much on a UK salary I would have sent it back as it would have fit into the 3X amount!

My ring was expensive but it is something I'll wear for the rest of my life and is something that will be passed down to my daughter (along with my other jewellery) after my death.

When you put it like that, it was a bargain!

Incidently it was DeBeers (the diamond merchants) who started the whole 'spend a months salary' thing to sell more diamonds.

And it worked. The idea being that the ring was an investment you could sell if the couple hit hard times, they would be able to live comfortably for a month at least.

Mine cost £3k but its what it represents that is where it's true worth is to me.

I think mine is less than 1/4 of H2Bs monthly salary but I love it and wouldn't want him to spend thousands on a ring just because. When we went shopping for my ring his budget was twice what my ring ended up costing but it's the perfect ring for me, even when compared to the rings that we saw worth thousands of pounds I'd still rather have the ring I've got.

OH proposed with a toy ring, and together we went to choose my engagement, OH makes decent money and give me a budget of £3k, which I did go over slightly but he was more than fine with that as its what we both liked and actually got a good deal, its gone up 25% in value! I'm going to wear it every single day for the next 50,60,70 years so we wanted a high quality that withstand day to day life so when you look at it like that I'm getting my moneys worth from it.

Pfft mine was £90 white gold with black diamonds and it's a BEAUTY! I wouldn't have chosen a more expensive one if I'd had the chance as it's totally me and I'd said I didn't want an expensive one as I will probably lose it at some point, I'm that ditzy!

My H gave me a budget, and I picked one within that budget, which was a months salary. But then we had a small person, and moved house, so ER money got spent on those things, and after being married for over 5 months, I'm still waiting for my ring.

Not really fussed if I ever get it TBH.

I refused to let OH buy a mega expensive ring, we went looking together and picked a £300 ring, its gorgeous and perfect for me and it didnt criple my OH, we dont have much cash floating around so that was a big spend for us! I understand if you can afford an expensive ring then why not, not sure I would appreciate a more expensive ring Im clumsy and £300 is scary enough to be in charge of!hee hee.?

I don't know how much mine was and don't really want to know. I think that a month and a half wage is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a ring, I'd rather that amount goes into savings and I'm not saying this because my ring isn't all that. My ring is beautiful (well I think so lol) to me, it's not about the financial value, it's the fact that my fiancé picked it out for me

I don't know how much mine was and don't really want to know. I think that a month and a half wage is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a ring, I'd rather that amount goes into savings and I'm not saying this because my ring isn't all that. My ring is beautiful (well I think so lol) to me, it's not about the financial value, it's the fact that my fiancé picked it out for me