Confused? Overwhelmed? Help with non-traditional wedding.

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  • Posted: 8 Jun 2019 17:14

    Confused? Overwhelmed? Help with non-traditional wedding.

    Hi everyone

    I am having such a hard time planning our wedding...will try and keep background story brief.

    I;ve never dreamed about my wedding but when we got engaged I was over the moon and I definitely want to marry my SO. We got engaged September 2018. Found out my mum had terminal cancer two days later. She stayed with us whilst undergoing chemo. Mum passed away in April of this year. SO's dad had passed away from cancer in 2017.

    I've only just started to get excited about our wedding as I didn't have the head for it whilst mum was ill. I recently broke my ankle (worst timing ever) and to not get depressed I got really into wedding planning.

    We both have been struggling with what it is that we want for our wedding - small and intimate (just the two of us, or 25-30 people) or bigger (up to 70) .

    My SO's family is big (his two sisters with their husbands and kids are 10 already) whereas my family is tiny (my dad and my gran now, gran is in her 80s and lives in Brazil, I don't think she'll be able to come). SO is from here (Scotland) and I am from two very different countries and grew up in a bunch of places, hence have friends all over the world,most of them I haven't seen in years and only occasionally still talk to and just a few closer ones in the UK.



    We are both not very traditional, I balk at the idea of a christian wedding but would like a humanist ceremony (more than just a legal one). SO doesn't seem to mind (his father was a minister and if he insisted on a church wedding I would do it, but he hasn't voiced this).

    We love the outdoors and the nature in Scotland is beautiful but there is always a high possibility that it might rain/be cold (even in summer).

    We like to do things differently...we are both the type of people who don't like pressure and like to do things our way.

    THE ISSUE(s):

    We fluctuate between wanting a small, intimate wedding and then at a later stage a big party and having the usual 'ceremony, reception, dance' thing. We are also the type of people that think its silly to spend bags of money on one day, so trying to keep it cheapish (not more than £12.000).

    I had found a venue that is non traditional nearby were we could hold a ceremony by the loch (a big lake) and have a dinner for up to 40 people in the hotel. We could then have a dance and party in the town hall (nothing special) or in our back garden as our house is near by and we have quite a lot of space.

    SO and I talked about the wedding again recently and decided to elope (we will have gone backwards and forwards about 3 times now), still having a wedding party at a later date. I think we'd like some people around but I struggle to think how that would work.

    As I've said his family comprises at least 10. Mine would go up to 10 (if I invited extended family and godparents). The bridal party with their partners would comprise around 12 people. So 32 in total but less of half of them would be our friends.

    My family barely speaks English and a lot of my friends are very different from my SO's friends and I don't know if people would get along.

    I guess my fear is that if we kept it small it could potentially flop and not be great because people are so different and it's a small group.

    So the issues right now are that we are 1) not sure in what country/what sort of venue to have the wedding and 2) who and how many to invite.

    One thing that is fairly certain is that we will have a mini-celebration in Brazil (my mum was from there and my gran is still there) with my gran and family friends (all older than us and SO has not met them) to give my gran something to look forward to/to celebrate the occasion with her.

    But besides that we are completely lost as to what to do...both SO and I can be very indecisive. HELP!


    Due to our parents illnesses over the past 2 years we haven't really been able to do what we wanted and often plans had to be cancelled due to everything that was going on. I think we might be a bit apprehensive of planning something and then 'something happpens' as we have been so unlucky.

    When doing the guest list we always end up adding someone that NEEDS to be there to not feel left out - but the only venue we've found that we like can only accomodate 40 people or so for a meal.

    The weather. Really worries me.

    We might really hurt some people, especially the older generation if we elope with a small group of people.

    I don't think it'll be very fun to have a small intimate wedding of 30 or so with a mix of family and friends as they are all so different. SO might feel the same.

    Not sure what I'm asking for really. Just HELP please!

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