Confict planning a wedding

HappyBrownDecor18059
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  • Posted: 1 Oct 2018 16:02

    Confict planning a wedding

    Hello

    Just looking for some advice to do with parents and planning a wedding

    How much involvement should parents have?

    My parents think they can pick and choose who come to my wedding and if i dont shut up and put up they will boycot the wedding or they might come but wont be happy

    Me (bride) and my sisters partner do not get along at all so we keep out of each others way amd i have stated from day 1 of getting engaged he wont be welcome but she is more than welcome to bring a friend with her but now my sister is saying she wont come to the wedding unless her partner comes but im afraid that it could kick off of my wedding day as my partner doesnt get along with him also and now my parents are basicly sayin i shud kust let him to to keep the peace and put my happiness aside for one day

     

    Whats peoples thoughts as i do not want him there 

  • Posted: 1 Oct 2018 17:51

    Re: Confict planning a wedding

    There's 2 ways of looking at it:

    1) It's your day, be selfish and do what you want, regardless of who you might upset.

    2) How much does your family and their happiness mean to you? 

    Personally I would put my own feelings aside and let my sister bring the partner. She's going to have a crap day without him and will be miserable without him. I couldn't be bothered with that and would rather she was happy but that's just me.

     

     

     

     

  • Posted: 2 Oct 2018 8:29

    Re: Confict planning a wedding

    It's tough, because it is your day, but if your sister is in a long term relationship with this guy, I guess he probably should get an invite. 

    I would probably invite him, but state to your sister and your parents (and maybe him!) that if he causes trouble, he will be asked to leave. Then brief your groomsmen and venue so that they can keep an eye out and evict him if needed. 

    That way you've given fair warning. He may even decide not to come as he knows he won't really be welcome. If he does, then great, you'll have been the bigger person. 

    Another option - and this really depends on the size of the wedding - is you could have close friends and family to the day and invite him to the evening? 

    Finally, can you maybe try and spend some time with him - maybe you and your fiance go out bowling or something with him and your sister. I don't know how much time you've spent with him, but maybe just make one more effort. Even if you don't get on, you might find that you can at least tolerate each other, which might help reduce your stress about it? 

    I hope this helps, good luck! X

  • Posted: 2 Oct 2018 10:00

    Re: Confict planning a wedding

    It's a tricky one. I do know people who are taking the more brutal approach of "it's our day, our choice, end of", so you wouldn't be alone in that.

    On the other hand, I've got quite a few people who don't get on with each other and/or who I don't get on with and my philosophy is that there's going to be enough people there that no one has to talk to anyone they don't want to talk to, and I'll have to talk to everyone, so basically anyone I'm not that fond of I'll just put on a smile, be lovely for 5 minutes and then move on and talk to someone else. I personally thought it was the best option because not being invited to a family wedding is the sort of insult that people can bear grudges about for decades to come. It's not like a weeknight dinner party. For example I knew that if I didn't invite one of my uncles then that would basically be the end of any relationship I have with his children, my cousins, forevermore, and I didn't want to be the one to cause that. Certain family members have been asked to watch the gift table (he's been known to be 'light-fingered' in the past) and be on call to remove him if necessary, but hopefully it won't come to that. 


    Ultimately I suppose it depends on the severity of how much you dislike him/what he's done. If it's towards the unforgivable end of the scale, or you're fairly certain he'll pick a fight, or you're just certain it will ruin your day, then stick to your guns. But if there is any way you could invite him and just vow to give him a wide berth and concentrate on spending time with other people then I would recommend that one so as to avoid damaging your relationship with your sister.

  • Posted: 3 Oct 2018 8:47

    Re: Confict planning a wedding

    Thanks for the reply. 

    I had contemplated inviting him just to keep the peace but my partner is adamant he isnt welcome as he knows his previous of beeting my sister up when pregnant also starting to fight with me once. Which he has never tried to apologise for. 

    I had sugested he say sorry to myself and my partner but there has been no effot in doing so.

    My family have taken the route now if i dont speak to him and make amends with him they arnt happy to attend the wedding as my older sister wont be there because of him.I feel the only option they are giving me is to be unhappy on my wedding day and just to invite him.

  • Posted: 20 Oct 2018 11:45

    Re: Confict planning a wedding

    I'm in exactly the same position - don't invite him! Its your wedding - and I'm sorry, but she's your sister and If you really mean that much to her, she would understand and not invite him.

     

    My older sister has been with her monster of a partner for 14 years - we can't stand him. She's also going to be my maid of honour and I've already said he isn't coming. She understands that (i mean, who knows if she's so understanding nearer the time!) but at the end of the day, its your day, your photos, your money! I wouldn't spend a single penny on my sister's partner - and I wouldn't want him in any of our wedding pictures! 

     

    So I think you have every right to not invite him! I don't know how much your wedding costs, but ours is about £100 per head - so you have to ask yourself, would you want to spend that sort of money on him? (Same rules apply for other annoying guests too!). I know its harsh, but its your and your fiance's day - not your sisters. It's very selfish of her to put him first in this situation and any sister should know not to do that! 

    Your day = your happiness comes first!

     

  • Posted: 23 Oct 2018 12:05

    Re: Confict planning a wedding

    SunnyIvoryHair81404:

    his previous of beeting my sister up when pregnant also starting to fight with me once. Which he has never tried to apologise for. 

     

    Jesus Christ! Yep, that's definitely right at the unforgivable end of the scale. You are totally right to stick to your guns. And if you've asked him to apologise and he hasn't then the ball is 100% in his court. You've already taken steps towards compromise and he hasn't accepted it even though it would be very easy to do so. So yeah, you are in the right. I don't know what you can do about the rest of your family except to say that you've tried to be reasonable, and if they come they come and if they don't they don't. That sucks big time but people can be unreasonable and there's not much you can do!

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